After a crazy two days of quarterfinal action that had it all - extra time, spot kicks, fractured vertebrae - the four teams left standing have a welcome week off before the semifinals kick off. But there's no rest for Team J00ster. With only one and half days left in Brazil there's still half a city to see, including the famous Sugarloaf.
As stunning as Rio is from beach level, it's a whole new perspective from the top of the ridiculously picturesque Sugarloaf.
Pre-World Cup horror stories of incomplete stadia, dysfunctional transportation, and favela gangs pillaging the unsuspecting tourists have failed to materialize. Let's face it, the rest of the world is just jealous.
Short finals for the world's most scenic approach starts at Christ the Redeemer and then tracks the harbor to Sugarloaf for a final hard left to the runway. Trickier than threading a free kick between a wall of defenders from 30 yards. Especially if you're Wayne Rooney.
That's the golden crescent of Copacabana sweeping away to the horizon, and behind her seductive curves lies the rest of the threesome, the glamorous Ipanema and then the mysterious Leblon.
You'd think with scenery like this they'd be less hung up on agonizing over every kick their national team makes. It could be worse, your team could suck and you could live in the grim, post-industrial wasteland of dreary suburban England or the war-torn oil fields of Nigeria.
They even have a coffee shop up here, good luck getting Mei back down.
Hard to imagine there's a better view in town, but lo and behold here it comes. It's like having Ronaldo on your team, and then realizing Messi is available on the transfer market.
Who put her in the pilot's seat? Shouldn't you be able to drive a car before you pilot a helicopter?
It doesn't get any better than this. Especially if one can temporarily forget how many reais per second this whole operation is running at. It's probably not far off what Neymar earns per second on the pitch.
Any topless sunbathers down there on Ipanema? Let's buzz the silicone towers boys!
He's still got the best view in the house, although Merkel's seat at midfield in the Maracana comes pretty darn close.
It's hard to come back down to earth, but any more minutes up there and Team J00ster's credit card will join Argentina at the top of the continent's default league tables.
The Metropolitan Cathedral is a rare example of the modernist style applied to a church. It's kind of like a miniature Brasilia, which is good because it saves us having to trek all the way out there.
The bohemian Lapa district is most famous for its nightlife, but there's still plenty going on during the day. That's good, because the chance of Rock making it to the night session is about the same as Hulk getting a new contract.
Alas there's no games on right now, because this looks like the perfect spot to catch a few penalty kicks between Skols.
With Neymar out the coveted number 10 jersey is up for grabs. At this point slipping it on is still every kid's dream. What a difference a week will make.
The funky Santa Teresa neighborhood is the hipster heart of Rio. Out here even the Redeemer wears skinny robes.
Hang on, didn't the French rooster crash out yesterday with an insipid display of directionless football?
The Escadaria Selarón is a garishly tilted staircase that connects hipster Lapa with uber-hipster Santa Teresa. Also known as the Stairway to Gentrification.
Santa Teresa is entering that fleeting phase where it's still grungy enough to be hip but not quite gentrified enough to price out the real artists. On a scale of still-sketchy-enough-to-be-cool Bushwick to obnoxious-bankers-in-flannel-shirts Williamsburg, it weighs in at about a Greenpoint.
A riot of color without a riot in sight. Once again the negativity of the world's press is a stark contrast to the rather laid-back reality. Sure there's crime here, but it's not exactly the grim warzone of ATM shootouts and vicious kidnappings that was hyped up before the event.
Remember when scribbling all over buildings reduced property values? Why that's as quaint a notion as putting multiple gears on a bike.
There's just time for a quick dip to cool off before it's time to head back to Lapa to see her wild side. You might see Rock's wild side too. He might stay out past 10.30pm. You rebel you.
Seems everyone is headed to the same place, the legendary Senarium club. By the looks of it seating capacity must be about the same as the Maracana.
Once you get in it boasts four floors of eclectic themed rooms and live music, plus a samba crazed crowd ready to dance the night away.
Seems a little risky to put a Death Star worthy cavernous shaft in the middle of the drunken masses.
There's always one. Jared demonstrates the correct balcony heckle technique that he's perfected through countless all nighters on Bourbon Street.
After too much samba and too many Skols it's time for more tranquil pursuits. I'm sure one of these exotic plants in the botanic garden has a miracle hangover cure just waiting to be discovered. Yeah, it's actually called the coffee bean.
Seems like a promising shortcut across the pond.
If you've got a spare million bucks you could rent a giant panda to go with your bamboo grove.
Downtown Rio is an eclectic mix of old colonial buildings interspersed with 80s style concrete high rises.
They love their sports down here. Without football for a couple days the endless replays of the Neymar challenge are swapped for the British Grand Prix and Wimbledon.
Still no riots. What's wrong with this country, why is everyone so cheerful? How can the Western news media keep their ratings up without tear gas and bullets?
You may be overdressed for this mural.
Like any good Catholic country there's a cathedral on every block. The confession booths will be busy in one week's time. Father, how can I ever be forgiven for letting in 7 goals? Son, that sounds like a rhetorical question to me.
Who needs a theater when the world's greatest drama is playing out in pitches across the country?
Back at the Hipster Highway. They say each tile is unique. Or rather bespoke.
Is this a great nation or what? Meaning the country, not the football team.
So that's what a Communist teddy bear looks like. He's got nothing on an All American Grizzlie.
Congratulations Brazil, great tournament, great atmosphere, great beaches, but shame about your defensive unit.
Someone fire Putin so we can book tickets to Russia 2018.
