Looks like a pristine water source, quick let's erect a craft brewery. Who's up for a Pumice IPA?
Among the pantheon of legendary American national parks, Crater Lake stands near the very top, the magnificent relic of unimaginable tectonic forces that eviscerated an entire mountain in less time than it takes Dodge to scull an Inversion IPA.
Recharging before the tackling the Garfield Peak hike, a three hour round trip that tops out at just over 8,000 feet. The fact the recharge is taking place two minutes from the car park does not bode well.
That Man Deserves a Deschutes (tm).
Back in the day foraging around here was something you did to survive, not something to validate your right to wear skinny jeans.
Anyone remember what the ranger said you're supposed to do when you stumble across a black bear? Oh that's right, try to edge as close as possible to get the perfect Instagram. You know, because #NoFilter goes really well with #NoPulse.
Luckily Team J00ster has a grizzled mountain man leading the trek. He'll fend off those bears as easily as he swatted away that swarm of mosquitoes in Duluth. In that case a quick and painless demise off the edge of the caldron may be your best option folks.
Two coveted J00ster thumbs up for Crater Lake.
Sure does look like the summit, but the real question is: have we reached the Nash Equilibrium?
Why howdy pardner, that there is a mean six-shooter you've got on your belt. Would that be the newfangled Colt 45 from Carson City I hear rumor of? No sir, this here be the Panasonic ZS40 from way up yonder in Amazonian territory. They say she got five sheriff stars and ships same day on the ol' Pony Express.
Since when did the Conestoga come with DVD players? At least after watching an entire season of True Blood you'll have worked up a suitable appetite for when you get snowed under up on Donner Pass...
Looks like a fine day for a bit of sailing.
Life just hasn't been the same for Ranger "Sidewinder" Dave since they shut down the F-14 program. But at least he got to keep the sunglasses.
They say the national park system is America's Best Idea. Whoever they are, they're right.
The volcano-within-a-volcano island in Crater Lake is only accessible by boat, which means it pays to laugh at Ranger Dave's joke-a-minute monologue lest one find the dock empty upon return from the summit.
It's a tough life out here on the windswept, pumice-strewn slopes of the cinder cone. Desiccated husks of trees and a bag of snacks that's already half gone paint a bleak picture of the odds for survival.
The timeframe for the next eruption is measured in eons, much like a PhD completion.
The crater-within-a-crater at the top of the volcano-within-a-volcano. Rock is more interested in the chocolate chips-within-a-chocolate brownie he found at the bottom of the snack bag.
Based on the iron content of the pumice scree and the acidic coloration of the soil these experts have concluded the next eruption will occur sometime in the next 8.35 million years. That should give adequate time to make it back to the boat, even at Mei's pace.
Back at base camp just in time to catch the last boat off the island and Ranger Dave's last one-liner.
Bend, Oregon is ground zero for Hipster Naturalis Activa, a variant of the Hipster species commonly found west of the Rockies. Telltale identification marks include lycra, often in the form of a cycling jersey, a kayak on the roof of a hybrid SUV, and a Garmin GPS watch for tracking vertical feet in the weekend's wilderness half-ironman.
Remember when coffee in Small Town USA meant a lukewarm cup of yesterday's filter coffee from the diner on the side of the interstate? Those days are long gone, much like affordable property prices and baggy jeans. Welcome to Stumptown USA folks.
Like an overlooked PAC-12 team that never quite catches the attention of the national media and eventually shuffles off to a midweek Irrelevant Bowl Presented by Fox Sports 1, Smith Rock State Park might just be the best little piece of wilderness you've never heard of.
The Misery Ridge Trail. How'd they know Mei was heading up this way?
If it was any drier out here you'd mistake it for a Ranger Dave one-liner.
The only time you'll see Massey University standing at the same lofty level as the University of California, San Diego. An academic league table this ain't.
If we came up the Misery Ridge Trail, what do you call that one?
Oh look, another Crater Lake just waiting to happen. Someone tell Ranger Dave to get the boat ready.
Ever since California cut funding to the UC system the graduate assistant offices just haven't been the same.
The Deschutes Brewery is the source for such legendary craft brews as the Inversion IPA, the Black Butte Porter, the Mirror Pond Pale Ale, and the Pine Mountain Pilsner. There's plenty of time to sample them all when you've got five years to go on your doctorate.
Remember when craft brewing meant a couple of oak barrels in the cellar? Now it's all high tech gizmos and a Whole Foods truck.
The quaint town of Sisters was clearly named before the One Child Policy came in force.
The harrowing McKenzie Pass is a pockmarked wasteland of pumice and obsidian, a grim final test for weary pioneers seeking the sanctuary of the Pacific coast. These days it's only grim if you have to use the outhouse.
When you get wasted in Oregon it's called an Inversion.
Bit nippy up here, where's the lava when you need it?
This is what Autzen Stadium will feel like for Michigan State as the crowd reaches a crescendo on 3rd and long.
