Big Jay

Once you get down into the minus 20s it doesn't really matter whether your talking Celcius or Fahrenheit, the more appropriate scale is the number of extremities one will lose to frostbite in the next five minutes. Jay Peak, straddling the Canadian border in northern Vermont, is renown for delivering the best snow in the East year after year. Unfortunately this weekend it's also delivering the kind of cold that would make any sane person snuggle back under the blankets for a SportsCenter marathon. But you didn't come to J00ster to read about sanity did you?

 

Jay Peak features the only aerial tram in the East. It also features the only opportunity to experience authentic arctic conditions without leaving the continental United States.

Bacon fat has superior insulating properties.

On the snow front Jay delivers with a solid base and some incoming freshies. But holy cow it's cold. Really, really cold.

Taking a glove off, even to snap a quick photo, is a life-threatening activity so let's fast forward to the best part of any ski day, the après action at Big Jay Tavern.

Frost Brewed Coors Light? Seriously, man up, out here frost is that dainty little coating of fairy dust you find on your wood pile in May; real men drink Polar Vortex Brewed Switchback IPA.

Looks like Jared has a fan club. Hang on, triple black diamonds and Big? Must have the wrong guy.

Day two dawns clear and, ahem, crisp. Where crisp in this case is a euphemism for the type of bone-penetrating cold most commonly associated with Robert Falcon Scott.

Still, there are uglier places to freeze to death.

"I'm just going outside and may be some time."

There hasn't been such a welcome sight on a frozen windswept plain since that still-twitching Tauntaun carcass.

Who would have guessed a humble ramen trailer in the middle of a icy parking lot deep in the northern reaches of Vermont would serve up some of the best miso-infused goodness this side of Nagano. Now if they'd just procure that sake license...

Looks like the locals are prepared for the cold. Watch and learn kids, in our first lesson we'll study the benefits of diversification. Here's the world's first ski-in/ski-out surf beach.

Après-surf!

 

Wow, Pow Pow!



The Great Blizzard of 2015 turned out to be what Rock always suspected is was: a De Blasio Union Day Off. The best way to beat that insidious inequality thing? Why by inconveniencing everyone equally by shutting down the entire city of course.

 

A desolate Park Avenue without a car to be seen. Quick, before it all turns to trash-filled slush puddles let's saddle up and head West folks.

The historic town of Breckenridge, Colorado isn't the kind of place where a little dusting of snow brings everything to a halt. Back in 1859 mayors didn't hold nationally-televised news conferences to breathlessly announce the impending Doom of our Time, they threw on a parka and grabbed a shovel.

Low clouds and frigid temperatures can only mean on thing: pow pow conditions! Actually it could also mean you're in Palmerston North...

The breakfast of champions. Although evidently others are invited too.


 

Pow pow as far as the eye can see. Which is not very far at all; it's coming down pretty hard.

Now there's even food trucks on the slopes. At least this is one place where hipster beards will serve some practical purpose.

Someone give this man a GoPro so he can broadcast his Starbucks run to the world.

 

The quaint mountain town of Breck knows how to get the party started after last lift.

Party, what party? Someone send this dude back to the hot tub.

The wait for a table at Empire Burger on a Saturday night rivals that at the Independence SuperChair on a pow pow morning. Luckily in the meantime the houses appear to be edible.

The Fire and Ice sculpture festival comes complete with a flaming alien accompanied by a rocking DJ soundtrack. If you meet this guy in the back bowls tomorrow chances are he's not there for the powder.

The flaming alien isn't the only one who's a bit peckish.

Empire Burger lives up to the hype. Unlike Rock's final run of the day.

 

Day two dawns with a fresh dusting of powder and hints of that rarest of atmospheric phenomenon: a perfect bluebird day.

The bluebird has left the cage, the bluebird has left the cage!

It doesn't get any better than this. Alas, the same doesn't apply to Rock's parallel technique.

If you want Mei to tackle the black diamonds just put a cup of hot chocolate at the bottom of the run.

Team Massey gets ready to drop. Drop in the World University Rankings that is.

Super Bowl XLIX kicks off at 4.30pm local time, so there's just enough time to let a little air out of the balls and ski straight into a slope-side bar for the big game.

The snow sculpture festival offers the opportunity for struggling artists to rest easy in the knowledge their work won't be selling for millions long after they're dead. Unless we have any takers for a postmodern puddle? Going once, going twice..