Sunday, May 31, 2015

Miracle on Ice Cream

Ah for a simpler time when the good guys were good and the bad guys were bad. When there was Freedom and Communism with no murky grey Guantanamos in between. When a rag-tag bunch of college skaters could defeat the might of the Red Army on an obscure sheet of ice somewhere in the wilds of the Adirondacks. To take a drive to Lake Placid is to take a drive back to that time.
 


It was also, apparently, a time before upstate lakes were plagued with giant CGI-ed crocodiles.



The Hungry Trout was named one of the 10 best after-fishing hangouts in America. Because obviously these ladies have been up to their waists in a mountain stream all day casting flies. Come on now, the humidity mid-brook is great for the hair and après-fish is the new après-ski.



Nothing says wilderness like the Real Housewives of the Adirondacks. Driving five hours to watch all the same channels you get at home is one of those sensible things only New Yorkers do.



You mean you can get park views for less than $15 million? Seems to be a walkup though, that's a deal breaker.


Pit stop at the quaint Chair 6 Café in Lake Placid before the five hour hike to the 3,352 foot summit of Mount Ampersand. Sourdough French toast is the new EPO.
 


The trail starts off easy enough, meandering through a lush birch forest crisscrossed with mountain streams. So much for burning off that French toast.
 


Boardwalk or bored walk? Where's the mountain?



Don't speak too soon. About an hour into the hike things take a turn towards the sky.



The verdant green bush rapidly gives way to gnarled pines and the trail is transformed into a winding rock staircase. Chinese mountains have noodle stands every mile or so. They also have handy dudes who will carry you up on a chaise. This, it seems, is not China.



Notwithstanding the absence of trailside purveyors of Thousand Year Old Eggs, the curtain of trees eventually falls away, dramatically unveiling the grandeur of the Adirondack High Peaks region.



Rockies snobs might need to reconsider their antipathy towards East Coast hiking.



"Do you believe in miracles? YES!" Mei making it to the top is the biggest miracle in these parts since that bunch of scrappy college kids defied Vladislav Tretiak and the invincible Soviet hockey machine a quarter of a century ago.



 

 Should have built the Olympic ski jumping ramp up here.
 


A bit of lake on lake action. Steamy.



Apparently you can see Canada from up here. If you're going to trip and fall make sure you plunge down their side of the mountain. I hear they have free health care. And Tim Hortons.



There are 46 High Peaks in the Adirondacks. Which means there are plenty of summits for everyone; even on a glorious spring day the top of Mount Ampersand is relatively deserted.



Last chance for a breather before starting the long descent back down to civilization. If you can call a couple of fishing lodges and a lone A&W civilization. You know what would hit the spot right about now? A Thousand Year Old Egg.



This roadside ice cream stall looks like the appropriate place to celebrate a grinding five hours on the trail. It also looks like it's straight out of a 1960s time warp. Right down to the prices. For the price of one artisanal hand-shaved organic gelato back on the island you can pretty much buy the whole joint, sign and picnic tables included.



That's not an ice cream cone, this is an ice cream cone.

 

Day two kicks off at the Clover Mead Café, a tiny farm-to-countertop establishment on a working dairy farm. Would you like some udder-to-countertop milk in those coffees ladies?


The scale seems to be reading zero. That can only mean one thing: Mei's left her dirty dishes on the table again.



The Ausable Chasm is a sandstone gorge sometimes called the Grand Canyon of the East. That's probably where McDonalds got the idea to call their new chicken sandwich "artisanal". It's not bad, it's just that it's not the Minetta Tavern Black Label burger.



Still, it's a picturesque place to spend an afternoon, especially given the lingering aches and pains from yesterday's five hour slog.



Rock would rather be navigating the chasm at water level with a paddle in hand. Looks like a grade four down there folks.



Safety railings? Well-signposted trails? Lack of dead pig carcasses torn asunder by the raging torrent? The Leaping Tiger Gorge this ain't.



Let's call it the Manawatu Gorge of the North. A rare honor indeed.

 



Without a doubt a classic mid-Cambrian sedimentation with XO sauce.
 



The lower river can be tackled by raft but with no rapids it's a rather tame ride. Not exactly the raging Zambezi folks. Although according to Lake Placid 2 there's a decent chance of crocodiles in this river too.



Whiteface Mountain towers as the fifth highest mountain in New York and one of the highest east of the Rockies. Unique among such lofty peaks, you can drive to the top of this one.



Well you can drive almost all the way up, the final 300 feet requires clambering up the Dragon's Spine. Oh wait, turns out there's also an elevator.


Drive thru scenery, just the way Mei likes it. I'll take the Views Combo, upsized please. What toy does that come with again?



Lake Placid from above. If you listen really hard you can hear the chants of U-S-A! U-S-A! Remember, it's not the name on the back of the jersey, it's the name on the front. Happy Memorial Day.



 
Peak winds at the summit can reach 137 miles per hour, on par with Hurricane Katrina when she made landfall. Even on a calm spring day it's really ripping up here. That's definitely why Rock's panorama is so wonky.



Luckily the weekend's eating schedule means there's no risk they'll be blown away.




Speaking of time warps, who's up for a drive-in root beer float?



Any more American and he'd be suiting up to take on the CCCP bullies at the ice rink down the road.


It might struggle to live up to a roadside cheeseburger washed down with an ice cold root beer float, but the Lake Placid Lodge delivers on the other end of the spectrum: a little slice of the Upper East Side up here in the middle of nowhere.




That little slice of Manhattan comes complete with a not so little slice of Manhattan prices. Still, can't complain about the view. Oh wait, this is the Upper East Side so of course you can.



Foraging is fantastic when you're not the one rooting around in the bushes. Who knew vegetables don't grow in such artistic patterns in the wild?