Sunday, September 27, 2015

Upstate Funk ft. Rock and Pebble

Spot the odd one out: Columbia, Harvard, Massey, Princeton, Penn, Cornell. That's right, the answer is obvious: it's Cornell of course, the only storied institution not yet featured in the J00ster Journal.



Rock is still trying to decide which fraternity to join. He likes the ring of Phi Kappa Psi, but it seems Massey only offers Drink Vomit Repeat.


Ezra Cornell, temporarily the second smartest man on campus.


If Rock had actually managed a scholarship in art history he'd be able to tell you what this is. Since he didn't, we'll go with Balls of Steel.


Don't judge a school by its clock tower, judge it by its vanilla thick shake.



As they say, Ithaca is Gorges. Putting a canyon between the dorms and the pub street in town seems like a poor piece of planning by old Ezra. Or maybe the quickest way to Ivy status is a little bit of natural selection in the grade pool.



The Times has lauded the rise of the hickster, a new breed of flannel-clad foragers eschewing even their beloved Brooklyn for the wilds of upstate New York. Of course by wild they mean a lavishly restored 19th century mansion that's been converted into a LEED-certified eco-B&B. Because nothing beats foraging for a plush bamboo-fiber towel when you've got underfloor heating. Recycled rain water heated by the sun of course.



You know what Ithaca, if you could just get your college up to scratch you'd almost give Palmy a run for its money.


Gimme! Coffee. Yes the exclamation point is part of the name. It's that good. Massey may have Options Cafe, but let's face it, the irony there is it's quite literally the only option on a bleak, windswept Palmy day. And we don't mean the hip kind of irony either.



I know things are a little... uhm... provincial out here, but drinking from your hands? Come on, this isn't New Jersey.




Just when you thought the hicksters were preoccupied with crafting bespoke firewood cords - and manly sideburns - with their hand-sharpened axes, they roll a locavore taco truck into the backyard.


Tacos and handcrafted bitters. And to think only five years ago the best you could do in these parts would be Doritos and Dew.



Don't you guys have an assignment due in 20 minutes? Get cracking, there's a big gorge between you and the drop-off slot.



What do you call a duck taco? Peking duck.


Let's see how many references to hicksters we can find in the weekend Lifestyle section.


Ithaca may be Gorges, but gorges usually come with waterfalls attached. Even inside the town itself you'll find a waterfall right down the end of your street.


How can you tell he's not a real hickster? For starters he has no idea how to whip up a hand-caught trout sauteed in pine nut oil with foraged fungi using only a vintage axe and a reclaimed cast iron skillet. In fact, he's sort of stuck at the catch the trout bit.



Taughannock Falls, at 215 feet, is the tallest waterfall east of the Rockies. After a hot, dry summer that accolade is looking a little dicey, there's barely enough flow to fill a water bottle.



Cayuga Lake is one of the 12 finger lakes in the eponymous region. With hiking trails galore and a burgeoning vineyard and craft brewing scene it's becoming the go-to destination for that new foodie trend: haute barnyard cooking.



Let's get out of here before this thing dries up completely.


Watkins Glen, one of the main towns in the region, has a proud history of making things go fast. The fabled Watkins Glen International circuit has hosted everything from Formula 1 to NASCAR. American legends like Andretti, Petty, and Foyt have graced these petrol-infused streets.



Rock has a proud history of making hot dogs go fast. Two bites and it's gone.


So we're not the first Kiwis here. Denny Hulme, the only Kiwi to ever claim an F1 World Title, has his name etched on the main street along with a pantheon of racing greats.


Here's a word of advice: don't let Rock take this to the Bondi Junction parking garage.



Rock's waiting for the Corollas to come rolling around.



Nickle's Pit BBQ serves up vast slabs of smoked meat with their own homemade sauce. Further proof that Upstate, like Brooklyn before it, can now be removed from Manhattan's list of derogatory epitaphs.


The second most famous circuit at Watkins Glen is the Gorge Trail, a winding path through a huge gorge that opens right out onto the main street of town.



Watch out Denny Hulme, the Rockinator is making a move on the outside line.




Rock knew he should have brought his fedora. Does Pandora stream Raiders March?



Central Park doesn't have an under-waterfall path. Come on Conservancy, the Water Curtains Walk presented by Home Depot has a nice ring to it.



Seneca Lake, the largest of the finger lakes, is getting a bit larger because it won't stop raining.




Wanted, dead or alive, for crimes against the blogosphere.


Heading for the final stop, the Glenora Wine Cellars for the upstate wedding of the century.


You wouldn't trust this guy with a 10 year old Corolla, why would you trust him with your best vintage strapped on the back?



Don't worry, by the end of the wedding it will be a lot lighter.



A little bit of drizzle won't stop this party. Although half a glass of wine will probably stop Rock.




The Delaware Water Gap marks the boundary between, well, Delaware of course and New Jersey. You don't have to worry about accidentally straying onto the Jersey side because somewhat suspiciously all the lanes on the bridge are closed.



It's safe to say Governor Christie isn't hiding in this grove, he'd need a redwood forest.