Vegas, Baby! Part 4: Which Way to the High STRollers Room?

No wonder Bryce Canyon was so dry, here's all the missing water. No one seems to be complaining though. Especially not Mei.

Come check out our cabana ladies, we've got a couple bottles of Similac with OptiGRO (tm) on ice. Let's get this party started!

So, which one of you wants to check out my playpen? Sesame Street and chill?

That is some serious bling you're working there. The Cosmo's three story chandelier makes a fine nightlight.

Daddy, want to join me for bottle service at 4am? Sure son, but we didn't need to come to Vegas for that.

Proof that Vegas has gone soft in middle age: even the balcony is kid-friendly. What next, stroller parking at the slot machines?

Let's just call this thing now. Dad of the Year. Mic drop.

Look at all those people without babies down there heading out to party. Looks tiring, thank goodness we have an excuse to pack it in at 9pm.

If I actually knew how to use this strange device without a touchscreen I'd give my cousin BK a call.

Any of the physicists on that slot machine will tell you that putting your money in is a negative expected return event. Now putting Daddy's money in on the other hand...

L.A.'s hippest breakfast joint conveniently opened an outpost downstairs in the Cosmo. With a name like that it fits right in on the Strip too.

Rock likes 'em over-easy.

Oh look, a talking tree. How are you going to go back to just reading about them at story time?

Nothing beats swimming up the Champs-Élysées.

Daddy, what do you think about the 1995 Barolo? As long as you mean that $19.95 house red hidden down there at the bottom I'm good with it.

Hoodoos are cool and all, but this trail has air conditioning!

Baby Addy drops by for an evening visit. Ryan, we have guests in the house, try to keep your diaper hitched up.

This whole Vegas with a baby thing ain't half bad. Sure beats feeling the obligation to line up at Tao for four hours.

I'll take three sluts in the morning. Hey, it's Vegas baby!

Here fishy fishy. The aquarium at Mandalay Bay has a surprisingly good lineup of beasts from the deep. Here's a beast from the shallows.

So Grandpa, tell me more about this paradise called New Zealand.

Last stop, Great Grandma's house in L.A.

Are you sure we should be hanging with the hipster crowd?

Ryan, when Daddy said the lumberjack look was cool he meant for riding the L line, not you know, like, cutting down trees.

Vegas, Baby! Part 3: There's a Woo Woo in the Hoodoo

Bryce Canyon National Park lies deep in the wilds of Utah, in terrain so inhospitable you might enter with three wives and come out with just one. 

The canyon  isn't really a canyon per se, it's a series of giant amphitheaters bristling with hoodoos. Not to be confused with hobos, which is what the blue one in the foreground is.

A rare opportunity to enjoy the vista while the Woo Woo sleeps. Not like he'll remember it anyway. Lucky he has this blog to read in 15 years. Hey Dad how come your blog won't load on my VR? Whaddya mean it's 2D? Lame! What are you, like ancient or something?

Which way to Inspiration Point? Look no further folks, you arrived there as soon as you pointed your browser to j00ster.blogspot.com.

Rainbow Point is the highest lookout in the whole park. Talk about waking up on top of the world.

Grandma and Grandpa, are you from the Cenozoic Era like these Hoodoos?

Son, it's time we taught you some wilderness craft. Watch carefully while Daddy shows you how to summon an Uber with one bar of reception. Pretty bad ass huh? Daddy learned that deep in the wilds of Brooklyn where the L train don't shine.

Usually a hole in the wall serves street tacos, what gives?

Give that man a fedora! And some water, he's looking a bit puffed already. Hey, they told me this was all going to be blue screen work on an air conditioned sound stage. And they said they'd add in the muscles in post production.

The Navajo Trail winds down deep into the labyrinth of hoodoos, an otherworldly garden of grotesque mushrooms, turrets, and battlements all carved out of ancient stone.

Rock has the angles all wrong. Just like every time he puts together an Ikea.

Chris Christie is just itching to slap a $16 toll on this tunnel. Luckily he can't fit through.

If you're disillusioned with America this November, strap on your backpack, lace up your boots, and head for a National Park. You'll find them in red states, blue states, Yuge states and Berning states.

That was fast, the Beautiful Wall is already done. So this is what winning so much you get tired of winning feels like.

This one is called Thor's Hammer, 66 million years of erosion presented by Marvel Comics.

The good thing about having a kid is seeing the sunrise is as easy as, well, going to bed every night. Still, sunrise over Bryce Canyon is something else entirely.  As the first rays of dawn slip over the horizon the tips of the hoodoos ignite as one, blazing torches banishing the shadows back to the deepest crevices.

Didn't Aunty Warren warn you about the shadow banking system? The one on the left looks to be Too Big to Fail for sure.

Now that is some Hoodoo Voodoo if I do say so myself!