Poolia Part 3: OK Blogger

Aperol spritz, the official adult beverage of those too old to be on TikTok. #okblogger.

Just when you thought Matera couldn't get any more James Bond, there's the Palombaro Lungo, an ancient cistern lurking deep underneath the city. The kind of place a supervillain perfects his brooding glare while prepping his Armageddon device.

There's only one way to take a spin around Matera. If you're lacking in an Aston Martin that is.

Actually, these tuk-tuk drivers give the ol' Aston Martin a run for her money.

Moving on up the coast, the next stop is a classic Italian villa, or rather villas. They don't make family compounds like they used to.

It's not a true villa if it doesn't come with a chef. Just like it's not a true villain unless it comes with a plot exposition monologue.

Ciao bambino.

Puglia is known for its hearty, rustic fare. Ryan is known for his hearty, rustic appetite. 

The port town of Otranto is just the kind of place a seafarer might cobble together a consortium of investors for an expedition to the New World, seeking fame, fortune, and influencer deals.

Uhm, next time you write a check for the angel round you might want to make sure the founder isn't going to blow it all on a leather-trimmed luxury powerboat.

If you're both influencing, who exactly is driving this thing?

Not him.

Forget the New World, the Old World will do nicely thank you very much.

Why hello there, could you be any more Italian?

No wonder he's lurking around the cove in his speedos.

A toast to a voyage well sailed. 

Ice... cream dead ahead! 

No, no, this is Italy, with an I, not an Ea. If you want pasta, get to kneading.

Ah hah, turns out the voyage to the New World wasn't totally in vain, for treasures were plundered.

This is what DALL-E would come up with if you put in: The magic of an endless childhood summer on the southern tip of Italia.

Poolia Part 2: No Time to Cry

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is... wait, wrong spy movie.

The hilltop town of Matera was, until it featured on this blog, most famous for starring in the opening scene of "No Time to Die."  You know the one, where Daniel Craig in his final outing as Bond tears down the ancient cobblestone roads in a classic DB5 Aston Martin.

You'd drive like that too if you saw who was incoming.

I like my freshly squeezed orange juice shaken, not stirred.

Puglia, the region that make up the heel of Italy's boot, is known for its simple, rustic fare. Ryan is known for eating simple, rustic fare.

Once the day-tripper tour buses have rolled out the town magically reverts back to centuries past. A quiet square, cheery light spilling out of the welcoming door of a trattoria, a friendly stray cat purring at the fountain.

Not a bad place to celebrate 41 trips around the sun. Come on United, that's gotta be worth at least Premier Gold?

Peak heat. Which means while the sensible locals seek refuge in their nifty cave houses the tourists come out to drag their whining kids to the nearest gelato shop.

Dad, you said gelato not photos.

The whole town was originally a collection of intricate cave dwellings, carved right into the cliffs. A family and their livestock would live in one cave. Dad, what's the monthly maintenance expense on this classic pre-war studio? I see some potential, who doesn't want a cave house for TikTok?

The most important question: can you get wifi in caves?

It's like Coruscant son, they build the newer layers on top of the old ones.

Aren't you a little small for an influencer?

When you see a sign that's in Italian and Google loosely translates it as "only a complete and utter idiot who cares more about their Instragram than their life would attempt this hike in the middle of the day" what do you do? 

Is that even a question?

If you want to get the likes you gotta do the hikes? Oh fine, who are we kidding, you just have to pose provocatively in skimpy athleisurewear.

Earned his siesta and coke the hard way. Actually, escaping the kids for an hour in the blazing heat counts as the easy way.

Ana de Armas sighting?

When one of those bells rings I assume it's pizza time?

Happy birthday to me. Oh and that other guy too.