Or that was the case until Rock realised that if you can't park a puny Toyota Echo in a car park twice its size without crashing, then you're never gonna be allowed into the requisite low slung Commodore with Pauline Hanson bumper stickers...
Anyway, Dreamworld is pretty much as synonymous with the Gold Coast as Rock is to hyperbole, so it's a good place to start. It wouldn't be a theme park without a child-sized village painted in garish colours. Note in this photo it's difficult to tell that it is child-sized, for the obvious reason...
Rock puts on a brave face with the fearsome Claw looming in the background. Brave faces and macho I'm-not-stinking-scared rhetoric where as close as he got - one look at the ride in action was enough to send him scampering for the tea-cup ride in Nickelodeon World.
Mr Clown enjoys a welcome respite from the hordes of snotty-nosed kids with some civilised adult company.
The evil Claw in action. Of the so-called Big 6 thrill rides, this was the only one Rock couldn't summon up the courage for...
...which had a lot to do with his experience on the Wipeout. Sure it looks fun... when it's other people strapped into it.
From bad to worse - if you thought the Claw was bad, just wait till you see the Wiggles ride, over run with screaming kidees clutching cotton candy. Mei fit in perfectly.
Rock rues the fact that even the kid friendly, colour-coded park map proved too much for his navigation skills. All roads lead to the nursery play area it seems.
When in Farmyard Friends, do as the Wiggles do.
You must be at least one llama high to ride the Tower of Terror.
This is before Mei took the Thunder Rapids River Ride. Afterwards the camera was too wet to take any photos.
The Tower of Terror! Basically they strap you in a seat and then hoist you up to the top, where you hang precariously for an eternity before plummeting down in a free-fall back to the bottom. Sounds like fun, no? The worse bit is the wait at the top, just sitting there not knowing when the thing will drop.
Rock will try anything to escape the Tower.
Ride 'em cowboy!
Let's pretend that smudge on the lens is a quaint puff of steam of little ol' puffing billy here.
The newest ride in the park - Mick Doohan's moto GP roller coaster. The unique feature about this one is that you sit in a motorcycle stance as you get flung around the track. The un-unique thing about this one is Rock was terrified.
That's enough thrills for one day, time to head back to base camp. Or base pyramid in this case. In the best traditions of tacky strips everywhere, our hotel was decked out top to bottom in a bizarre faux-Mayan theme. Complete with elevators lined inside with ancient runes and a pool surrounded by Indiana Jones-esque idols. But hey, when one of the top tourist attractions in the city is a haunted restaurant, anything goes.
Rock surveys the surrounds from a balcony mercifully free from poisoned arrows or decaying Mayan mummies.
The lights go out and the bogans come out to play.
Nothing like a balmy evening under the palms. There were plenty of chances to capture it in it's full glory as Rock wandered down it for the third time trying to decide just where to eat.
Stomachs rumble as Rock pauses for another photo op.
Is it Shibuya crossing? Is it Vegas? Nope, it's Rock pretending to be a photographical genius.
Day two dawns bright and sunny. The perfect kind of day for WhiteWater World! Rock carries the weight of the bogan world on his shoulders.
Big is in this season.
Doesn't the fact you have to get on your hands and knees to see through that porthole suggest something to you? Like maybe you're a couple of decades too old?
Mei auditions for the 3.30pm Nickelodeon Kids host role. Unfortunately the casting director mistook her for a member of the under-9's audience.
Don't worry, another run on the HydroSlide will kock a few more out.
A dastardly criminal is on the loose, wanted across the world for his crimes against humanity, including but not limited to the spreading of lies via the world wide web.
At least the sunnies will shield you when the rotten tomatoes start flying.
They don't rock any harder that Rock!
The first thing they teach you in Introductory Architecture 101: it's not about what your building looks like; it's what the chick you put in the foreground looks like.
The reason people jump like this in the Jetstar ads is because it's the only way to get the cramps out of your legs after sitting in their glorified sardine cans for hours on end.
Now that's what I'm talking about. No photoshopping here folks, that's the real live sun up there.
Q1, supposedly the 20th tallest building in the world (although given the prodigious rate that up-and-comers like China and Dubai are pumping out grandiose monuments, it probably slipped a few places in the time it took to take this photo).
Pauline Hanson would have a heart attack.
Q1 again. Not only is it the 20th tallest building, it's also the tallest residential building in the world.
Rock gets carried away... until he sees the price tag to go to the top. Yikes!
Rock manages to avoid cheaping out for once. And wow, that is some view!
Looking North.
That is one fine beach. the only drawback from this vantage point is the sunbathing chicks are a little hard to make out...
NY here i come!
Nothing beats altitude sickness like a steaming bowl of pork ramen.
For someone grumbling at a 4am Jetstar wake-up call, you sure are keen on pumping out free advertising?
The sun sets over Surfers. No matter how much tack the construct on the shore, they can never touch the classic Aussie beach.
It's practically dark, could it be possible that the sunglasses are for effect only?
It may look pictureque, but this is prime Great White feeding time.
Another destination bites the dust. 3,476 to go and we'll be level with Jared and Rach...
