Thursday, December 05, 2019

Ramen World Cup Part 4: Come On Sun, Rise Already!

Konnichiwa, welcome to the Land of the Rising at 3am Son.

It takes a pre-sunrise pour over to really tease out the subtle notes of abject exhaustion. At least we're in the country that actually has a name for death by exhaustion. Will save some typing later in the blog.

Daddy, now you're talkin' my language.

The Pipster Hipster is in da house.

Don't knock on the ōtoro boys.

Daddy, are you a salaryman? If I say yes can I go to the pachinko parlor?

I assume you'll be transforming into a giant Gundam shortly?

Is this the Sailor Moon cosplay?

A museum for noodles. Cup noodles. Yes you heard that right. You know a nation takes their instant noodles seriously when there's a five story waterfront museum dedicated to the humble cup noodle.

Hey, as far as installations go it's better than Duchamp's urinal.

The formaldehyde shark has got nothing on this carefully preserved archive of every variant of cup noodle ever released.

Pip we may have some leftovers.

Apparently this is an exact replica of the humble hut where the cup noodle was invented. Is anyone else starting to think the Met needs to lift its game?

Because who needs Tutankhamun when you can climb on a real tuk tuk at a fully operational replica of an Asian night market?

You can even make your own personalized cup noodle. For five bucks! I mean Disney charges 200 bucks to build a custom lightsaber at their park and you can't even eat it when you're done.

After you customized your cup it goes onto the real assembly line where a robot fills it with noodles and seals it up.

Daddy, we can heat these up at 3am while we wait for the breakfast buffet to open.

Unfortunately this was taken at 3pm.

Tokyo, one of the world's great cities. Way over yonder you can see the Lost in Translation bar. This is as close as Rock will get. To the bar and/or Scarlett Johansson.

The Professor has arrived! Grandpa, did you bring that long bedtime story about integrated reporting?

Team Two Phat is back! Has it really been 13 years?

Grandpa, should we tell Grandma the ramen has a pork bone broth?

Oh there's another sport that saw plenty of semifinal failures back in the day.

In Japan there's an exactitude in even the simplest acts, like pulling a soft serve.

Ka mate! Ka mate! Roughly translated: Don't choke in the semifinals mate.

The mighty Metropolitan Government building is the kind of austere edifice that would make any salaryman want to pull an all-nighter. Speaking of all-nighters, it must be just about 3am...

Saturday, November 30, 2019

Ramen World Cup Part 3: Seoul Food

The 6am breakfast buffet is becoming something of a family tradition. 

It's not entirely clear why the hanging garden in the Seoul Town Hall is so highly rated on TripAdvisor. I mean it's a grass wall. You can see one at any third wave coffee joint.

Duck, duck, goose. Ryan's least favorite game and Rock's favorite Chinese menu.

Don't forget to lock the mountain behind you.

Daddy, is this like the Freedom Tower? Well, it's more like the brand of freedom you enjoy at bedtime, the one where you can do whatever you want as long as it's what I said.

A container collective. If you put Bernie, Warren and #AOC in boxes this is what you'd get.

Actually no, you'd get a failed state with lots of Twitter followers. Because you know, when you're standing in a bread line for three hours there's nothing better to do than refresh Twitter.

Whenever you're in a new city just Google "The Williamsburg of..."

You can't do this with a Kindle folks. The giant library of Gangnam is either an avant-garde installation exploring themes of disruption and alienation in a post-physical world or it's Instagram bait.

You're right, the latter.

The Fast and the Furious: Gangnam Gangsters.

Because of course shopping malls in Asia have aquariums. In America you might find a few sad looking guppies in the Petco.

Oh look, a Great White Man, Women and Non-Binary Eating Shark.

So this is what those Gen Zers are looking for? Gram-worthy walls.

The Ihwa Mural Village will go down as the highlight of five days in Seoul. But then you already knew that because you cheated and read that low-brow click-bait purveyor Two Phat Kiwis instead of waiting to get your quality Fake News at the venerable J00ster Journal. I mean we were breaking news in the BlackBerry epoch.

The attack is touche!

Because why not spend your vacation pretending to commute to work?

Didn't Disney make a movie about this? Let me guess, it wasn't the reason you signed up for Disney+. Let it goooooooooo!

Iced chocolates with the best view in the house. Actually it is a house.

The hottest Korean boy band. Because let's face it, the boy part doesn't really seem to be high on the job requirements list.

The Emperor's hidden garden doesn't really stay hidden in the Instagram age.

I hope the fortifications at the DMZ are a bit more robust.

Is that my Uber Eats kimchee delivery?

Before Baby Shark do do do do do there was Jaws Theme by John Williams.

Oh look even the streams are gentrified these days.

Back in my day son it was called graffiti not street art.

Next stop the Land of the Rising Sun. Which we will enjoy as the Land Before the Rising Sun.