Monday, September 10, 2018

Out East, One More Time

Daddy, no one does precision car seat clips like those Germans. 

The swish new Long Island Welcome Center clearly assumes you're going to turn right and head out East Hampton way. Son, if you want to get the most out of your legacy membership at the Southampton Yacht Club you'd better know your port from your starboard. Or rather, you'd better know your Port, especially that vintage tawny bin they're auctioning off at Sotheby's this weekend.

Daddy, I heard back home in New Zealand they make movies about kids who ride on whales? Yeah son, they also made two whole trilogies about short little people who whine a lot.

The Sound View Inn at the tip of Long Island's North Fork is the latest dilapidated motel to hip hangout conversion. Brooklyn-by-the-Sea is open for business, the only thing that isn't mid-century is the price tag. I guess that's where the modern in mid-century modern comes from.

Mommy, Connect Four is for babies, can we play Connect Pi?

You want that mid-century vibe? How about some legit 1950s Sports Illustrateds casually strewn across the Captain's Bar.

A rare whale sighting on the Long Island Sound.

So listen up kid, there's popsicles in that shack over there. And the only way you're getting one is under your own leg power. Get to kicking.

Turns out Phelps' secret weapon is a grape popsicle.

Forget the cabanas at Gurney's, the real finance bros are hanging on the other fork. Or in Ryan's case, loading up the other fork with another hot dog.

Yeah, you better hit those kettle bells after that burger.

I'm pretty sure in the mid-century era children were seen not heard.

Sunset on the fork can only mean one thing: s'mores before snores.

So I hear there's a popsicle over the horizon in Connecticut. Let's see what you got kiddo.

Why chase that troublesome white whale when your friendly local flower whale is spouting Greenport Harbor Summer Ale on tap.

Look what I harpooned Mommy.

Here's an opportunity to polish your resume for the Goldman Sach's intern class of 2033. I hear D-Sol expects his corn hole team to be the best on the Street.

Lesson one, what happens when you pull out the mezzanine tranche?

Uhm, the world teeters on the edge of Depression, storied institutions collapse in a puff of toxic CDO dust, millions lose the roof over their head, and I pocket a seven figure bonus. Lesson learned Dad, can we move on to the one about the boom boom room now?

A ride on a fire truck for a quarter? If this was the South Fork that wouldn't even get you, well, a fork. Not even a plastic one at Bostwick's.

Three rides and an ice cream for a buck? Did we stumble into a time warp or something? I mean where we come from even the tooth fairy doesn't carry anything smaller than a 20.

I thought you said hiking was hard Daddy? You know, blisters and bears on the trail and all that? I'm starting to think you may have embellished things just a little for your blog.

Is this one of those billionaire bunkers Daddy? Quiet son, don't say that with your Big Bay cap on, you'll give the secret away.

I know you want to be just like your old man, but that doesn't have to include maneuvering in the vicinity of parking garage pillars.

One of the few places on the East Coast you can watch the sun set over the ocean.

Daddy, is that a superyacht? Yeah, stand by to repel boarders kid, if they set foot on this fork you can forget about 25 cent firetruck rides.

Mommy, is baby sister coming out of a dinosaur egg?

Daddy, do I have a diaper tan line?