Land of the Flat White Cloud: Episode 4

Just another mid-winter day in the City of Sails.

Do you really need an Antarctica exhibit when you can just step inside a Kiwi house?

Deep underwater. Look, there's a Papakura three bed, one bath floating by.

Son, when they have to raise the bridge so your yacht can get out, that's when you know you made it.

If it's not hokey pokey it's not ice cream.

Mommy, is this Fish Town from the stories?

Uhm no, the 1.5L bottle of Coke is missing.

A cafe a day keeps the jetlag away. 

The corner office.

Preparing for the circumnavigation of North Head, the imposing dormant volcano that guards the entrance to Auckland Harbor. 

Grandpa, is that an accrual fish?

Remember, with enough vinegar and baking soda you can nurse this thing back to life.

They don't make water like that in the Northern Hemisphere.

The mighty Sky Tower. Hard to believe it was completed when your author was in 5th Form. Sure doesn't look its age, unlike, ahem, the aforementioned author.

Daddy, probably best if you don't stand on it.

Best view this side of Rocket Lab.

No one does playgrounds like the Kiwis. Zero liability does wonders for awesomeness. Which way to the flying fox?

Just another winter dip. Nothing a hot Milo won't fix. 

Story time with the original and the best.

In pursuit of the Auld Mug. Regrettably without a foiling monohull.

America's Cup is now New Zealand's Cup!

Shall we take the slow way home? Might require a stop at Ellis Island though.

Set course for the Big Apple skipper.

Two weeks of 3am starts? That man deserves a DB.

Look at that, a Texas-size welcome at IAH.

Let's see, a single line that doesn't go anywhere, must be the Britomart.

You know you're not in New Zealand anymore, there are actually animals that can eat you here.

One more pineapple lump and it ain't happening.

Cheers to an epic trip. No hokey pokey though, so you know what that means: get your 2023 tickets booked for NZ1 direct from New York City!

Land of the Flat White Cloud: Episode 3

 Why Zoom from home when the office buildings have that novelty called central heat?

America may run on Dunkin' but New Zealand ambles along on flat whites. Slow and creamy wins the race.

Are you headed out to rescue folks from variable-rate mortgages?

So which one of you is riding the dumb VC-subsidized black hole that's going under first?

The Shortest Drink in Town.

It's not a cuppa if it doesn't come with a chocolate fish.

Wouldn't be a Kiwi holiday without some brolly weather.

But don't let a little drizzle keep you away from the beach.

Does my chocolate fish come with a coffee for Dad?

Definitely faster than the current RNZAF fleet.

Waiheke Island, the Hamptons of the Southern Hemisphere. Ok, so what's the North Fork then? Oh that's right, Big Bay.

I mean if you're gonna have a bolt hole, it might as well have a view.

Typical, manual transmission.

Remember when Number 10 wire paired with a 20-year-old Mitsubishi ute not a helicopter and a super yacht?

Son, that's the path to the helicopter landing paddock. I think you're confusing your old man for someone who stayed in New Zealand and went long Palmy property.

Not a sheep to be seen. Must have been priced out of their paddocks.

Sorry, no sororities at Massey.

Hang on, wasn't it sunny 45 seconds ago?

Hang on, wasn't it rainy 45 seconds ago?

Looks like a good day for a road trip up north.

Just an hour north of Auckland lies a sculpture trail that winds its way through an untrammeled stand of native bush. Or it was untrammeled. Before the popsicles.

It's an artisanal calculator. They're all the rage among hipster parents.

A mighty Kauri, king of the bush. It's like one of those skyscraper things back home kids, but without the observation deck.

Dad, where are all the taxis? I stuck my hand out and nothing happened. And now I'm still walking.

It's where we keep kids Down Under. I believe it's called a creche.

Is that the Koru Club or the loo?

You will not find a more quintessential Kiwi beach than Brick Bay, complete with Pohutakawa swing. 

The girl sunbathing on the yacht was ecstatic when two jetlagged kids arrived on the idyllic beach. But hey, at least one of the three waters must be reserved for the riff raff, right?

Kiwi as bro. Going in mid-winter.

No shoes. Finally earned his Kiwi passport.

Dad, the only thing this beach is missing is a classic fish and chips shop.

Don't worry, there's up just up the road in the quaint town of Snell's Beach. Pass the Wattie's bro.

Any more Kiwi and you'd be a bee on a string.