What a difference two years make. Here's where you expect some saccharine milestones, you know, new schools, lost teeth, birthdays under lockdown, the end of the diapers inverse-annuity. No I'm talking about real change: the end of the LaGuardia drip buckets. The end of the most depressing scene known to man, three-day-old Auntie Anne's cinnamon buns wilting under the pallid glow of a lone heat lamp in Concourse C before the 6am regional jet to Des Moines.
Now it's all Shake Shack, third wave coffee outfitters from Bushwick, and even, wait for it, power plugs. Oh the humanity!
Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, is that a playground? In the airport? Why are we flying again, let's just hang out here.
I'm telling you son, it's like riding a bike, it comes back quick. You're right Dad, we're already delayed.
Dad, what happened to the tapas boxes? Well son, we're on American.
Baha Mar, home base for the next week. No need to pack the ivermectin folks, it seems pina coladas are the new miracle cure.
Are we really paying peak season rates to watch an old season of Paw Patrol?
Yeah, yeah, slow down, you'll be there soon enough.
Look Mom, no mask.
Which way to the beach?
When you're coming out of a two-year hibernation you gotta go big, like six pools big.
Yo bro, I heard there's an adults only pool at the Rosewood...
These aren't the frigid waters of the North Atlantic son, the only icebergs around here are in Dad's caipirinha. Which in fairness does end the same way as the Titanic.
Dad, why does that nice man keep bringing me smoothies?
Beach or pool(s)? Choose wisely.
Make that seven pools.
Did not expect to find world class Peking Duck in the Bahamas. Did not expect to find a secret commode behind a panel in the wall either.
Genetically identical... except on the scale for some reason.
Fortifying one's courage for the Hammerhead Slide.
Lazy River? Sure, that sounds like the kind of ride Dad can get behind.
Ok Zoomer.
So kids, if we bury the shells like so and wait a few hundred million years then we can come back and I'll sell you a derivative on what's left.
Thank goodness the tourists are back, it's been a long, slow lockdown without kids to yank my arms and prod my suckers.
No matter how fast you peddle you don't go anywhere. Yeah son, it's a metaphor for life, have another smoothie.
So apparently the key to bringing nap time back is six pools. Gotta work on that.
As usual, flew to another country and ended up in a New York restaurant. You know the 4 line goes there with no Covid tests required?
Strut your stuff in pink ladies.
Someone drew the short straw. Because I'm enjoying the long straw in my margarita.
Tricky, found a way to watch the TV in someone else's cabana without even leaving the water.
Mommy, when the Instagram is done can we have ice cream?
6am is 6am, even in paradise.
It's hard to argue they can't have another when Mommy's fourth drink of the afternoon session is en route.
Suck it in lads.
Do you think they'll let me in the Reef Club now?
Well that wasn't quite as miserable as expected. Maybe there is hope.
Let's see, we're about 2.35 seasons of Paw Patrol out of EWR, will the supplies last?
Back to reality. Fortunately supply chain issues don't apply when you're coming in by reindeer.
