Tuesday, February 26, 2013

It's Always Sunny in Costa Rica

Central America. The very name conjures up images of dense, steamy jungles, teeming not with wild beasts but with armored Land Cruises escorting the latest load of powdered misery on the first step of its illicit journey to the insatiable streets of that rich land to the north. The early sights do little to dispel that notion; "Venta de Autos", why that's the most obvious front for a cartel since Goldman Sachs hung up their first sign.
 

Top notch infrastructure is also a necessity in getting the... ahem... product to the market. Down here Fresh Direct delivers more than organic, locavore tomatoes.


Apparently hotwire.com has a nice deal going on for mystery hotels in the airport district. Amenities include open air dining (and sleeping), ample running water during the frequent tropical showers, and the finest in corrugated cardboard finishings. Needless to say, Mei couldn't click fast enough.


Alas, those expecting thrilling tales of pursing airboat-powered drug runners are in for a disappointment. Then again, when has this blog delivered anything but?


It turns out Costa Rica is a remarkably stable and relatively crime-free slice of paradise. In fact, with that supposedly first world country north of the border lurching towards yet another self-induced precipice plunge, one might want to save the banana republic pin for later...


First destination is the legendary Arenal Volcano, reputed to be an almost perfect cone, the kind of cone that usually only shows up in movies and the like when it's time for the villain to meet a suitably fiery end. So far no volcano, although an empanada shop is the next best thing.


This looks promising. A one-lane suspension bridge in the middle of a rainforest has got to be the path to adventure. 
 

A word of caution: distances on Google maps are further than they appear, at least when it comes to Costa Rica.. What was planned as a leisurely two hour drive ends up pothole dodging cross-country odyssey in pursuit of an elusive volcano. I mean come on, you'd think something like a volcano in the middle of the jungle would be easy to spot, no? Apparently not, just ask those folks over at TwoPhatKiwis.


It's rare that a sight lives justifies the hype, especially after 4 hours of bouncing along what might charitably be termed a work in progress. But Arenal volcano delivers big time, an almost perfectly symmetrical cinder code jutting out of the verdant jungle.



Since she last erupted in 2010 (the volcano that is, Mt. Mei erupted five minutes ago at the end of a long, hot drive) now would seem a good time to get up close and personal.
 


The SkyTram cable car climbs hundreds of meters through virgin cloud forest, for stunning views of the volcano and surrounds. For those who didn't have to bike through Palmerston North's Esplanade on the way to university every day, a cloud forest is a forest that is, well, cloudy. As in permanently draped in a shawl of thick, almost viscous clouds.


Today is a lucky day though, the clouds - which can often hide the volcano for weeks on end - have lifted, and the views over the surrounding rainforest are stunning. Except for this next picture.



Luckily there's a quick way down in case Arenal decides to blow her top. One would be hard pressed to find a better location for a zip line than this, where a line almost 600 meters long sends one tearing over the jungle canopy straight towards the towering slopes of an active volcano.


But more on that later, it's an activity for another day.


If you look hard enough, you can see Gollum. Actually, no need to look very hard, he's wearing a stripy grey shirt and his ring isn't a priceless instrument of ultimate power, it's a cheap white gold band that can be easily replaced when he loses it in a mundane shower drain instead of a searing lava caldron at the End of All Things.



No zip line for you today. Time to get back in your cage.


There's something about a volcano that takes the breath away. Yeah, it's called sulfur dioxide.



It seems volcanology is quite a civilized pursuit these days.
 

Would you like a Magma Mojito with your seismograph reading?


There's something alive in these woods. Something other than Rock's wit it would seem.
 

Rock can never resist a trail that promises a jungle waterfall and suspension bridge at the end. Although some would argue he can't resist any trail that offers the excuse to eat the rest of the provisions.


A rare sighting of the fabled Wuhanese Tree Monkey.


The waterfall offers the perfect natural shower, but alas the clouds are rolling back in and it's a little chilly for a dip.


Looks like Arenal frequents the same cheap Chinatown barber as Rock does. Eight bucks for eight minutes and a number 2 razor.


The local wildlife can't decide if it wants to be a monkey or a raccoon.


As sun sets over Lake Arenal, it's time to hit the so called road again. Hit being the operative word, darn those potholes are hard to see in the dusk.


Gingerbread House is as fine a dinner spot as Team J00ster has come across in their globetrotting. Run by an eccentric Israeli chef, the quaint inn dishes out the kind of no-menu, fresh-of-the-farm fare that is all the rage in the world's culinary centers. Here though, it's not a fickle trend, it's the only option in a country where you eat what you grow and drink what you brew.


The blackened Pacific tuna salad is out of this world. Forget Eleven Madison Park, for the price of a meal there you can hop on a plane to Costa Rica and dine like a king every day. It fact that's literally what our dinner buddy, an expat American, does. Every single night he's the first to arrive and the last to leave, swapping yarns, and more than a few shots, with the itinerant travelers that dine each day.


Tonight's accommodation is one part hippie commune, one part yoga retreat, and one part organic farm.


Each room is a cute little villa in the middle of a riotously colorful flower garden. Waking up to the birds makes a nice change from waking up to the shrill of a Blackberry alarm. Although Mei would argue that both go off at 6am, so what's the difference?




There's nothing quite like fresh picked mango and pineapple for breakfast. Everything just tastes better from a bright blue chair.



Fortunately Costa Rica is big on a drug that Rock does do; nothing like volcanic soil to bring out the flavor in those Costa Rican coffee beans.


Saddle up folks, those zip lines don't wait, no matter how pretty the view on the way.



Little does Mei know that a rain poncho becomes a parachute at 60 km/h. Not something you want to deploy when hanging 300 meters over an impenetrable jungle.


Clearly the harness was designed for lesser men. Or more likely, they gave Rock the girl's version.


Five monster lines collectively add up to almost 4 km of adrenalin. Rock demonstrates the form that took him straight to the King of the Jungle title.
 

Time to say goodbye to all things geological and set the compass - proudly brought to you by Garmin - to the golden sands of the Pacific coast.


And what a coast it is! Usual things with Palace in the name don't really live up to the billing; think soggy chow mein at the Golden Palace or pudgy pensioners working the poles at the Pleasure Palace. However, the Zephyr Palace Hotel sets the record straight.


Perched on a private cliff top overlooking the mighty Pacific, the infinity pool is the perfect place to watch the sun slip silently beneath the waves.


As befits a jungle palace, battered fedora and whip are practically required by the dress code.


Remind me why we spent the last couple of days bouncing over battered dirt roads?




Rooms like this are normally reserved for drug lords. Thank goodness for the Priceline Negotiator, there's no standoff he can't handle, no matter how many AK 47s are involved.


Nothing like the quiet lap of the Pacific 200 meters below to work up an appetite. Luckily you don't have to worry about eating too much here, because infinity pools are designed to overflow.


Sunrise comes way too early when the bed is this comfortable.



Each room has a theme. It seems we drew the ancient Greece one, complete with big pots with suitably naked discuss throwers on them.


Forget breakfast, how about an early morning plunge? Into the pool that is, it's a long way down to the Pacific.



Mei could get used to this. Scratch could, she has gotten used to this.


Lower the drawbridge guys, it's breakfast time.


Not a bad way to start the day.



There's a reason Rock has the pool to himself. Despite the palm trees it's a little chilly this early in the morning.



Mei chooses to enjoy the scenery instead.


Speaking of scenery, didn't Daniel Craig say he's retiring from Bond soon? Looks like there's no need to start a search for the next one.


You'll have to start by swapping that water for a martini dude.



Just in case the pool isn't enough, the Palace also comes with a private beach, complete with nifty swimming deck.


While some lounge around in the sun, others prefer more active pursuits.



What rhymes with banana? Why cabana of course.
 


Hey, didn't you see the private beach sign? In Manhattan I own the air rights too!
 

The only way up or down from the beach is a safari truck through the jungle. Keep your eyes peeled, there are giant sloths in the vicinity.
 

There's one! Quick, on the left there. You can tell by the way it prefers to laze around all day, only moving from a comfortable perch for food.


Tired of salt water? Time to go back to fresh water.



You can almost see China from up here. Or Taiwan at least, but they're the same thing, are't they Mei?



Alas, as hard as it is the leave the palace, all good things come to an end. Although this blog doesn't; it seems to go on and on and on. Well, we did say good things... Next stop before heading back to San Jose is Jaco beach, and more importantly, Claritas, a pumping beachside bar.



Football and bikinis. This must be where they got the idea for the Lingerie Football League.




Mei is right at home, it seems the locals have their own version of fried rice. Only this version you can eat with Pina Coladas.


Having refueled, it's time to head back to the capital city of San Jose. The Victorian Hotel de Oro seems a little out of place among the vibrantly painted stucco that makes up most of the town.




The guidebook says don't drive into downtown San Jose, since it has a well earned reputation as one giant traffic jam. Of course, Rock never reads guidebooks.


Having managed to survive a rush hour that makes the 5pm run to the Lincoln Tunnel look like a quiet stroll in Central Park, it turns out the downtown is quite nice.



Like all Spanish cities, things don't really get going until the sun starts to set. Here Mei introduces the latest Harlem hip hop moves to the younger generation.


They say getting hit by bird droppings is good luck. Here in the many public squares you have fantastic chance of picking up quite a lot of luck.


iCon? It seems the locals are onto Apple's trickery of making one buy a slightly improved version of the iPhone ever 9 months. Or maybe this is a Samsung store.


 
Is there nowhere without a Chinatown these days?


Fortunately the local church has not yet been converted to a dim sum house. Much to Mei's disappointment.



The central market offers all kinds of good eats. Unfortunately it's closing right as Team J00ster arrives.




As the sun sets and the air cools, the streets come alive and the party gets started.


 


What have we here? New Zealand lamb chops all the way here in Costa Rica? Is this a great country or what?