Back East winter refuses to loosen her icy grip, but out here on the Left coast it's all sun and surf. So what if you're bankrupt, that's easily fixed by firing up a Proposition to raise taxes on anyone who's rich, i.e. anyone earning more that you. Trust Silicon Valley to come up with a social take on taxation; "like" us if you'd like to tax those annoying neighbors who have a bigger swimming pool than you do.
San Francisco is one of those cities that New Yorkers put on their lists of where they would live should an asteroid hit Manhattan (and assuming the ensuing tsunami wipes out Williamsburg too of course).
The easiest way to get to Alcatraz is to fall afoul of the convoluted color-coded parking restrictions in downtown SF; blue and yellow stripes mean you can only park there when driving a Prius during the twelfth hour on the second day after the first full moon of the month. Failing that, you'll probably just have to murder someone, hijack a stagecoach, peddle fools gold to greenhorn east coasters, or write a really lame blog.
It doesn't count as a means of transportation in SF unless it comes complete with green power... and wifi.
Even on a glorious spring day the notorious SF fog is never far away.
Enjoy those last seconds of freedom folks. Actually it's been 10 years since Rock enjoyed those.
Who do I need to bribe around here for broadband access?
Mei and The Rock.
Seems a little excessive to have a hot rod on an island that takes five minutes to walk across.
Given the way SF property prices have skyrocketed in dot com 2.0, the Federal Government can get out of their debt woes by flogging off this fixer upper.
Well, you could swim for it, but are you sure choking to death on the Shenzhen smog after spending two weeks hiding in a steel container is really the freedom you're looking for?
What did you do this time? Don't tell me you called Taiwan a country on Weibo again?
The latest spring prison wear collection: classic black and white stripes harken back to the timeless jump suits of yesteryear, while the polka dots add a hint of contemporary flair.
Look how productive people were before Sudoku.
Nice view of the another prison, the Bay Bridge. In both cases once you're on it you're unlike to be getting out any time soon. Especially if it's 4pm on a Friday.
Escape plan of the day: use the yarn they give you for knitting to tie together a flock of seagulls, who can then lift you to freedom. The only flaw: the seagulls are so fat from gorging themselves on juicy tourist lunchboxes they can't get off the ground.
There's nothing more American than incarcerating citizens in a maximum security facility and throwing away the key, or boat as the case may be. Actually there is, a double tap of 5.62mm.
Team Oracle. So this is why our database subscription is so exorbitant? So Larry Ellison can cavort around the bay on carbon fiber?
Rehabilitated already? That was quick. It's almost like no wifi for five minutes was enough to set even the most hardened criminal onto the straight and narrow.
America's Cup? Is that like a Big Gulp or something?
Team USA, proudly delivered in a container fresh off the boat from China.
Relive the glory days! Remember Team NZ screaming down the layline with a stiff Auckland gale at her back, and the world in her wake? Ah, those were the days. Apparently they were 10 years ago too, my how time flies.
Ok, that's just weird.
Nothing like the prospect of lots of rich people showing up to motivate a city to fix up its waterfront. With America's Cup right around the corner, it's full speed ahead to convert all the old wharves into craft breweries, artisan chocolate factories, and lots and lots of bars.
You know your ferry terminal is cool when more people go there to buy cheese than to actually catch the ferry.
Insert five miserable hours battling the weekend traffic to Tahoe here.
Squaw Valley, perched on the edge of the spectacular Lake Tahoe that straddles the California/Nevada border, is one of those few places in America where Priuses and F150s can park side by side in harmony.
Freestyle baby, freestyle.
Anyone up for the Men's Downhill course?
It's always a good sign when the slope ends at the door of the pub. Ski-In, Stagger-Out.
Only in California can you ski in 50 degree weather and pay 50 percent tax at the same time.
It doesn't get any better than this. Just to clarify, we're not talking about Rock's skiing technique.
Mei celebrates surviving her first Blue.
Rock celebrates not tripping while trying to board the ski lift.
The epic Home Run starts at the very top and winds its way down over four spectacular miles of wide open slopes.
The loser cruiser. The coach recommends another day of practice before attempting the Home Run. Rest up team, tomorrow we're skiing down even if it means taking an ambulance home.
Nothing like wood fired corn on the cob after a long day perfecting the art of paralleling.
They say a cold bath is the best way to loosen up aching muscles. Who's in?
Come on, there aren't even any icebergs.
Fueling up for day two. After yesterday's lesson, Team J00ster is feeling confident. You can tell by Rock's big claims and even bigger corned beef hash.
No way! Rain at the bottom of the slope turns into fresh powder up on the mountain. And it's coming down by the bucket load.
Even the flat parts are fun when there's a foot of new powder to blaze through.
The world's first ski-in ski-out Starbucks. That's right, you ski right up to a ski-thru window and pick up your steaming Venti. God Bless America!
Visibility is low as the snow continues to pile up. That's good, no one can see Rock's crashes.
Here comes Lindsay Vonn!
Too soon 4pm rolls around and it's time to head back down the mountain. But not before conquering the might Home Run. There's nothing quite like cresting the last ridge and seeing the village spread out far beneath your ski tips.
Rather than tackle the whole drive home after a long day on the slopes, the old town of Sacramento makes a good pit stop.
Anyone want to take Amtrak home? By the time the train arrives every other country will have finished their bullet train network.
If Rock had to drink all the Coronas required to make this cool lamp he'd finish this blog where he started, in Alcatraz.
The Rock and The Vivi.
Showdown at OK Corral? More like Shanghai Noon.
Looks like we have a winner. Mei was no doubt distracted by the candy store across the street.
All aboard! Finally a vehicle Rock can steer without a GPS.
On one side of the river is the old town, on the other side are the lobbyists. After all, this is the capital of what would be the 8th largest economy in the world, right behind the equally broke Italy.
I think they must use a different gauge out here in the west.
The old town of Sacramento is a bit of a ghost town on a chilly Monday morning. Time to hit the road.
Back in SF just in time for a caffeine stop before the long flight home. Ritual Coffee Roasters wins the prize for best non-Aussie, non-Kiwi brew. It also wins bonus points for awesomely retro hammer and sickle logo. Vodka is so Josef Stalin.
