Ramen World Cup Part 3: Seoul Food

The 6am breakfast buffet is becoming something of a family tradition. 

It's not entirely clear why the hanging garden in the Seoul Town Hall is so highly rated on TripAdvisor. I mean it's a grass wall. You can see one at any third wave coffee joint.

Duck, duck, goose. Ryan's least favorite game and Rock's favorite Chinese menu.

Don't forget to lock the mountain behind you.

Daddy, is this like the Freedom Tower? Well, it's more like the brand of freedom you enjoy at bedtime, the one where you can do whatever you want as long as it's what I said.

A container collective. If you put Bernie, Warren and #AOC in boxes this is what you'd get.

Actually no, you'd get a failed state with lots of Twitter followers. Because you know, when you're standing in a bread line for three hours there's nothing better to do than refresh Twitter.

Whenever you're in a new city just Google "The Williamsburg of..."

You can't do this with a Kindle folks. The giant library of Gangnam is either an avant-garde installation exploring themes of disruption and alienation in a post-physical world or it's Instagram bait.

You're right, the latter.

The Fast and the Furious: Gangnam Gangsters.

Because of course shopping malls in Asia have aquariums. In America you might find a few sad looking guppies in the Petco.

Oh look, a Great White Man, Women and Non-Binary Eating Shark.

So this is what those Gen Zers are looking for? Gram-worthy walls.

The Ihwa Mural Village will go down as the highlight of five days in Seoul. But then you already knew that because you cheated and read that low-brow click-bait purveyor Two Phat Kiwis instead of waiting to get your quality Fake News at the venerable J00ster Journal. I mean we were breaking news in the BlackBerry epoch.

The attack is touche!

Because why not spend your vacation pretending to commute to work?

Didn't Disney make a movie about this? Let me guess, it wasn't the reason you signed up for Disney+. Let it goooooooooo!

Iced chocolates with the best view in the house. Actually it is a house.

The hottest Korean boy band. Because let's face it, the boy part doesn't really seem to be high on the job requirements list.

The Emperor's hidden garden doesn't really stay hidden in the Instagram age.

I hope the fortifications at the DMZ are a bit more robust.

Is that my Uber Eats kimchee delivery?

Before Baby Shark do do do do do there was Jaws Theme by John Williams.

Oh look even the streams are gentrified these days.

Back in my day son it was called graffiti not street art.

Next stop the Land of the Rising Sun. Which we will enjoy as the Land Before the Rising Sun.

Ramen World Cup Part 2: The 3am Call

It's surely morning somewhere in the world, just not here. The countdown to the Apollo 11 launch has got nothing on the countdown to the 6am buffet opening. Putting man on the moon is a trivial engineering feat compared to keeping an almost-four year old away from the expensive-looking pottery that festoons the lobby for three hours.

But boy is the wait worth it. Look at that, a dedicated buffet room just for the kids. Well, just for our kids seeing as no one else is dumb enough to drag theirs to the other side of the world.

Mommy, this pureed kimchi is really hitting the spot.

Hey, can I join your table? All these stuffed Ikea vegetables have got to be cheaper than the big person buffet.

Hey, the U.S.-Rock Alliance is go! Sorry Kim Jong, there's a new force in town and he comes armed with two very agile, very whiny ICBMs. You really, really don't want to take that 3am call. Believe me, I take it every day.

Don't cross the 38th parallel folks. These Texans know how to build a really beautiful, magnificent wall.

I think Uncle Kim has platforms too.

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down? Probably best not to use the Fox news channel number for the launch code.

Mommy can we go see some real Korean sights, like the BTS boy band?

Sorry kid, you look too much like a boy for a Korean boy band.

Quick, get a selfie in before the kids somehow squirm their way into the DMZ.

So BK, can you believe how uncool these olds are? I mean like my Daddy's blog doesn't even disappear after 10 seconds. Like it just sits around on the internet. Forever. Laaaaaaammmme.

Yes they look cool but I really hope their big drum isn't the last line of defense against Kim's nukes.

A dedicated kid's viewing section! Even the emperor has to sit behind them.

Race you to the bottom! Hey, that's an uncharitable way to talk about your Dad and Uncle's blogs.

A Pip on the hip.

Daddy, are these houses as old as you?

Hipsterfication is the new globalization.

Daddy, I like this crib, I promise not to slobber on the plush towels.

The Dongdaemun design plaza has more curves than New Zealand highway.

You know, kimchee is nice and all but man that Shake Shack over yonder is tempting. Ask yourself, what would Kim do? Since Dennis Rodman started advising him you can be sure he's all in for a classic ShackBurger and vanilla custard.

New plan, when the 3am call comes forget the detente and go straight to the nuclear option: Car Bots on the bathroom tv until the sun comes up.