The Happiest Place on Earth Part 1: Lightning Lane Premier, a.k.a. the Quick and Easy Path

It's always 5am somewhere. Specifically, Newark Liberty International Airport Terminal A. But don't worry, this was before the ATC system decided it didn't feel like getting out of bed.

Warning, entering wallet shrinkage zone.

The Animal Kingdom Lodge. Looks like the wildebeest beat us here.

Aren't you supposed to be singing or something? Circle of Life and all that?

A Short Time Ago, in a Kingdom Not That Far Away...

These aren't the tourists you're looking for.

Swapping the blaster for the whip, just like the man himself.

The first transport is away! The first transport is away! Oh wait, it's not because there's a two-hour line to get on board. But not if you have Lighting Lane Premier, see you at Endor suckers!

When the kids pin you down in the souvenir shop, keep an eye out for the trash compactor escape route.

All briefings are better in a British accent.

Is that like an X-Wing MAX or something?

Help me Rocki-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. Actually, never mind, we only needed you for those Lightening Lane passes.

I mean when you look at the number of people we got behind us in this line, I reckon we got you guys outnumbered!

Anyone got a grappling hook?

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer the four-holers.

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Well actually you will, with Park Hopper you can head over to Magic Kingdom and Epcot...

Come on kids, you take chess, should I open with the Holdo Maneuver?

An elegant weapon for a more civilized age. You know what, things are quite civilized with this Lightning Pass thingee, if I do say so myself. Breeze right past those two-hour lines like you're bullseyeing womp rats back home.

I am a Jedi, like my father before me! Uhm ok, if you consider pivot tables with your eyes closed a Jedi trick.

What a piece of junk! The old GLE would fit right in.

Oh look, it's a Brooklyn Millennial Angst-class interceptor. Set course for the Roberta's System.

She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts. You can tell because hapless souls are waiting two hours to go in.

Ry-Ry and PP-6.

He's as clumsy as he is stupid. Dad came out of lightspeed too close to the sugary drinks after bedtime.

Speaking of elegant weapons.