Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hawaiian Punch... (Mei still doesn't get it)

Ok folks, you'll have to excuse the anachronism. Pineapples have long since been traded for big apples. But some things never change. Like Rock's dubious ability to keep this blog updated. But hey, come with me on a journey, a journey back to a time when the sun shone, palm trees waved in the breeze, waves gently lapped on golden sands...

Mei makes an inauspicious start, having barely made it through passport control before the weeks of packing and planning finally catch up. You think that was tough? Try travelling with Jared and Rach for a week :)

A magnificent day to say goodbye to Sydney. This was back when 30 degrees meant shorts, t-shirts, and topless babes on bondi. Now it means 2 degrees below zero on some convoluted scale that makes about as much sense as putting a duck inside a turkey inside a deep-fryer while cracking open a diet Dr Pepper and firing up the AbMagic that you bought for six easy payments of 29.95*
*Postage and packaging not included. Consult your physician before starting any exercise program. And please, please don't sue us. It's not like we didn't warn you with this tiny font hidden right down at the bottom.

This dude invented the surf board apparently. Which doesn't impress Mei nearly as much as whoever invented the one gallon iced coffee at the McDonalds across the road.

What better way to kick of a day in Honolulu then a climb up the Diamond Head volcano on the outskirts of the city. And what better way to drive readers away from this blog then another unfunny filler comment.

That tan better last you for the next six months. Just like this blog post.

From up here you can't tell the difference between the Waikiki Sands Villa Hotel and the Hilton Seaside Resort.

Coke is the truely universal language. And they don't speak it any more fluently than in the US of A.

When travelling, it's important to try to local specialities. Like this... err... Mexican. I suppose technically we are south of the boarder... in the same way that this blog is technically funny.

Q: What's the difference between a line and a queue? A: Mei hasn't realized that the former is also something to complain about.

This is a day that will live in infamy! Hang on, didn't another esteemed publication in the blogosphere just use that line? Well, this is the internet, where plagerism is practically an html tag. As in <plagerism>wikipedia</plagerism>.

Anyway, back on topic, the Arizona Memorial was well worth the wait. A lot has changed in the world since that Sunday in December, but in these dark economic times it's worth remembering that we're still a comparatively lucky generation.

What dark economic times? The eyewear market is clearly recession proof.

The star spangled banner waves proudly over the final resting spot of the Arizona and her crew. Some debts can't be dumped into a TARP and forgotten about.

You know a good feed is in store when you have enough people to actually use the turntable...

Gosh darn it, even the Apple Christmas decorations shout designer all over. If this was the Microsoft shop the Elf would be in jail for an illegal operation...

...and Santa would be incapacitated with a missing rudolph.dll.

Speaking of cool. Jared demonstrates why it's best Texans are kept on their ranches. Actually Dubbya has been demonstrating that for the last eight years.

Pop quiz: So you're staying two blocks from the most famous beaches on earth. You've got half a day to kill. What do you do?
A. Chill out in the sun
B. Take a quick surfing lesson
C. Kick back for a late brunch in a beachside cafe
D. Rent a car, drive up and down a clogged freeway in search of a mystical beach, fail miserably, return car just in time to rush to airport

If you guessed D, you're right. It's also no wonder you're reading this blog. And it also means you cheated and read all about it on http://twophatkiwis.blogspot.com.

But hey, if you don't try, you never know. Uhm, that's got nothing to do with the below photo. Just clarifying.

Fortunately it's a more peaceful world these days - Japanese temples can exist in what was once the heart of enemy territory. And McDonalds and generic sushi chains can vie for the tourist dollar in harmony.

konichiwa!
This poor fellow doesn't realize that frog leg soup is one of Mei's favourities.

My zoom is bigger than yours.


It's Christmas, and you know what that means - time to play some ball! No, not frisbee.

Quarterback Rach sets herself to go long as the sackers rush in. Rock sets himself to rush the picnic table, after spying a stray hotdog in the crowd.


This is millionaires row in Maui. Or it was, until some pretenders escaped from the Maui Seaside...

Tropical treats. See, through the use of alliteration a otherwise mundane caption has, well, remained completely mundane.

Jared's wetsuit says the Pride of Maui on it. Judging by this photo, pride is the operative word...

Victory! Survived another 6am start. That's gotta be worth celebrating. Oh, and we saw a whale too.

Let's see who makes a crude whale/sushi/harpoon joke first and offends all the greenies crawling all over this vessel.


Next stop, the Big Island. Whoever named that drop me a line, there's a job waiting for you at the J00sterJournal. By the way, this is a cool lava tube.


As the fog lifts, a mystical alien world is revealed at the bottom of a vast crater. Kind of like an inverse of Conan Doyle's Lost World. Even complete with the primative beings.

Anywhere where an SUV can't make it counts as the wilderness in this country. Including the back lot of your local Walmart.

Your adventurers set forth into the unknown! Actually, this was the easy part. The tortuous 3 hour drive back, after Rock's brilliant navigational obervation that "hey, going back via the north road looks about the same distance" was a real journey into the unknown.
Let's talk a little discretionary accruals. Finance meets Accounting.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

iJ00ster: Central park is big, like really big

iJ00ster: It's 30 degrees... Farenheight!

Updates are few and far between... Largely because typing on an iPhone
is a tad bit tricky when you're battling frostbite and hypothermia.

Fortunately your arctic adventurers have found a cosy apartment a
block and a half from rock's work. Even better, the cable tv man is
supposed to show up before next Sunday which is one of the most
important days of the year. Superbowl Sunday! Could there be anything
more exciting then watching 6 hours of ads, with the odd 4th and long
thrown in to give you a chance to grab another buffalo wing? Heck it's
right up there with watching the family sedan being driven in a circle
for 24 hours by southern boys with names like buddy and burton and
chase. Or watching an entire 9 innings where no one hits a ball. Let's
play ball!

Until next time, go Cardinals!

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, January 02, 2009

iJ00ster: Happy New Year from the Big Apple!

Given rock's computer is probably moored off the coast of a Somali
fishing village right now awaiting a ransom, avid readers of this blog
will have to get used to these crude updates. Ok, now that I've ruled
out the entire world population I need go no further...

Where ever you are in the world, here's to an awesome 2009. Happy new
year!

And no, the fact I haven't lost a finger to frostbite means we didn't
queue since 6am to get front row seats to the crystal ball... As if
any of you think mei would fall for that...