Autobahn Part 3: On bratwurst, bier, and Bavaria

Whoever invented the bed and breakfast is right up there with the genius who created peanut butter and jelly, or the luminary who first put ice in coke. You don't need a Harvard MBA (heck, you don't even need a Massey MBA) to realize that the bed and breakfast is the perfect embodiment of that elusive concept of synergy.

They sure do take their Easter seriously here. Rock does the same with his breakfast.

Rock gears up for round two.

Just another derelict two star trailer park. One wonders what five stars looks like around here, a private castle perhaps?

The baby of the autobahn, the cute little Fiat 500. For such a miniature frame, she sure does pack a lethal punch. Something Rock should be quite used to.


Such a little set of wheels does have some advantages, such as being small enough to zip through the narrow streets of the ubiquitous Old Town without the risk of Rock re-zoning it into a construction site.

140 km/h and we're only half way up the speedometer. Is this a great country or what?

Back to Lindau, this time by day. The lighthouse doesn't have a heck of a lot of work to do on a glorious spring day like this. Sounds like he needs to head to http://j00ster.blogspot.com/.

Apparently Lindau hosts a biennial Nobel Laureate meeting, where the creme de la creme of the world's scientists meet to talk Higgs Bosons and Quantum Cosmologies. This year's keynote address, "Why I traded my particle accelerator for a spreadsheet", will be delivered by none other than the world's third most famous Millennium List dropout.

When the lake is this calm, the breakwater is pretty much redundant. Much like this caption. Or indeed this author.


Ahoy me hearties, is this the bratwurst delivery by any chance?

The view from the top. It may not be 30 Rockefeller, but on the upside you pay only 2 euro instead of 20 dollars. Hang on, that's pretty much the same these days, right?



The Lion, the Witch, and... well, her enormous Anthropologie wardrobe is still at home so let's leave it at that.

Old Town Lindau is actually a virtual island, connected to the shore only via a thin land bridge. This happy geographical situation means that the encroachment of the modern world has been kept at bay.
Well, kept at bay as long as you can ignore that annoying crane in the background. But who will notice the crane when you've got such a cool dude in the foreground? Uhm, that's kind of like saying no one will notice the rest of the internet once they find J00ster Journal.

It's getting difficult to come up with the scintillatingly witty commentary that our expansive subscriber base expects when every second photo is another picturesque old town street. Or, translated out of grandiose J00ster-speak: Rock's getting lazy with the captions, but it doesn't matter because anyone who reads this blog clearly has little better to do than forlornly click refresh on facebook every five seconds in the pathetic hope of living vicariously through someone's mundane status update.

Like most towns in Germany, the town center is best navigated on two wheels. Actually, it's best navigated by pretty much any form of transport that Rock isn't steering.

En route to the Bavarian Alps the scenery is so good it almost makes you want to slow down for a better look. Yeah right.

There is of course only one reason you might consider lifting the foot off the gas on the autobahn. The "Bratwurst, next exit" signs are ten times more effective at slowing traffic down than something as quaint as a speed limit.

Every man and his blog has a set of Alps. The French, the Italians, the Swiss, the Japanese, the Kiwis, and now the Germans are getting in on the act too. How about a bit of originality folks? Not that J00ster is really in any position to claim the moral high ground when it comes to originality.

Bavarian cuisine is a bit like the old Model T: You can have any flavor you want, so long as it's pork.

First sighting of perhaps the most famous castle in the world: the fairy tale world of Neuschwanstein.

Castles don't come any better than this. Unless of course they contain the latest 3D Harry Potter ride.

Unfortunately, King Ludwig II died before he could even finish his most famous creation. Mei suspects a similar fate will befall her given the length of the line to get in.

There's only one thing that Bavaria does better than castles: biergartens!
A big bier for a little girl. Fortunately Mei does not come unprepared, having completed an extensive training session in the clubs of New York with a 4.0 GPA.
A big bier calls for an even bigger plate of fries.

You know they take their bier seriously when the biergarten is so big they need a dedicated beer truck to go out to the far reaches of the garden to bring back a steady stream of empty mugs.

Apparently this place seats 8,000. That's larger than the popluation of most of the towns along the way.

Rock's difficulties start before he even gets to the alcoholic bit; just lifting the mug is proving quite a challenge.

The legendary Augustiner Keller biergarten has been in continuous operation since 1812. That's longer than most countries have been operating. Which is just another way of saying their bier is pretty darn good.

Autobahn Part 2: Speed limit, what speed limit?

The only downside with cruising along an autobahn at 150 km/h - other than being stuck in the slow lane in a stick-shift Fiat hatchback with Rock as your driver - is that it's a little hard to read the ubiquitous brown "historic district" signs that pop up ever few kilometers. By the time you see one, you're already 2km past the exit.

But when Rock does finally manage to remember how to downshift from 5th, the result is well worth the detour. The quaint village of... actually it shall remain nameless because even a careful examination of Google maps fails to identify this town from the countless other equally picturesque villages that dot the lush countryside along autobahn 1A.

They just don't make towns like they used to. No vast swathes of foreclosed McMansions, no boarded up strip malls where the only tenant left is the one that keeps the strip in the name, no forests of yard signs touting the free consultation services of your friendly local foreclosure attorney.

Instead just a quaint street lined with fresh spring blooms, and more importantly, a bakery that does a mean apple pastry.


The focal point of the town is of course the church, complete with its own herb and flower garden. Suddenly the autobahn and its steady stream of gleaming, late model Mercs and BWMs seems a world away. Which is something a lifelong Toyota owner like Rock is quite used to.

Now here's a novel concept, instead of undergoing a full body grope followed by 360 degree see-through-your-clothes scan, you can just walk through an unlocked gate. Who would have thought travel could be, like, fun.

Mei's track record with growing things is on par with Rock's track record for fixing mechanical devices. Or assembling Ikea products.

This convent doesn't look half bad, other than the fact they don't seem to have wifi in their nifty little courtyard.

You can always tell a town that pre-dates cars.

Next pitstop on the journey south towards Bavaria, a roadside wurstbraterei.

Most Americans have a hard time accepting that cherished institutions like Lady Liberty and the hot dog don't even come from America. Wake up and smell the sausage folks, the dogs here are so big they make your GMC Suburban look like a Fiat hatchback.

Next stop the mountain village of Triberg, nestled in the heart of the mythical Black Forest.

One of the most famous exports is of course the cuckoo clock, and the aptly names House of 1000 Clocks is one of the finest purveyors in the region.


Dude, unless you're looking to have your eardrum perforated by the beak of a Black Forest Common Cuckoo, you'd best stand back, it's nearly 12 o'clock.

The Triberg waterfall park offers the chance to hike through some of the old growth forest. Rock is keeping a careful eye out for which tree species grows the legendary Black Forest Cake.

Face it, they saw you coming from miles away. So much for the element of surprise. Actually, your puny Fiat is probably small enough to sneak under the watchful gaze of the Bavarian sentries. There's wild boars that move faster than you do, and they don't have the luxury of a three lane autobahn.

Towering an epic 855m above the fertile plain below, Hohenzollern Castle is everything a castle should be and then some.

The drawbridge is down, that's always good sign.

Good to see the royal pantry is well stocked, just in case we need to bunker down for a long siege.

Back in the day these dudes kept a watchful eye on all corners of the Prussian empire, now it's all about making sure the Chinese tour buses don't park on the sidewalk.

Archers, to your posts! Hold your fire... hold your fire... take aim... fire! Unfortunately Rock lost interest at the first hold and wandered off to find an iced coffee instead. It's not like the invaders are going to make it past the ice cream stand on a scorching day like this anyway.

With formidable defenses like this, it's no wonder the castle has survived the centuries.

It's a long way down, and your hair grows pretty slowly. Are you sure this is the winning strategy everyone cracks it up to be? You might also want to consider that having a knight in 75 pounds of steel plate armor clamber up your tresses is not quite as romantic as they make it sound.

Excuse me good sir, could you direct me to the gift shop?

So Deutsche Post has diversified into carrier pigeons?

When not being used to pour burning oil onto Frenchmen, the windows in the keep offer some sweeping views of the surrounding countryside. Useful for making sure those lazy peasants aren't shirking their 75% tax rate.

The Duke of Rochester makes a surprise visit to the court of King Frederick William IV of Prussia. Unfortunately the King declines to grant an audience, although he does generously offer the Duke the opportunity to spend a few Euro in his royal gift shop.

Stay focused team, it may look peaceful out there, but those annoying French are just over the horizon. Don't get complacent just because every other attack they launched ended in a week-long strike.

The only way to get up or down from the castle is the old fashioned one: on foot. Actually, that's only true if you're traveling with Rock and he is too cheap to fork over the the horse and carriage or shuttle bus.

What's this? Two castles in one day? It's hard to stay on schedule when every single little town boasts its own castle. Rock's policy of stopping at every one is starting to lead to itinerary problems that even an unlimited autobahn can't solve.

Lest castle fatigue set in, it's time for a change of scenery. The lovely vineyards around Lake Constance on the German-Swiss border are the perfect foil to the brutal majesty of Bavaria's castles.

The lake town of Meersburg is buzzing with local tourists out to take advantage of the glorious spring weather.

It's like being on a boat. Without the seasick bags.

Lucky tree.

The main street is lined with restaurants pushing their rustic local fare. Would you like a side of pork with your pork sir?

Nothing like a freezing cold winter to make one appreciate the sights of spring.


These dudes were doing green energy before it became the cool thing to do. Heck, they did it back when it was the only thing to do.

This balcony was used by royaly back in the day when you people wanted to kill you instead of make a few quid off you by selling commemorative plates and glossy centerspreads.

Is anyone else feeling a bit peckish?


Sunset over the lake. Hurry up and go down already so we can eat.


When the shadows take hold of the narrow alleys and steep laneways, it's time to head for one of the cheery weinstubes where the beer is cold and the food is hearty.

Incoming thunderstorm. The abnormally warm spring weather gives rise to a short-lived but ferocious thunderstorm. Hail and zero visibility is probably not what they had in mind when they removed all the speed limit signs on the autobahn. They probably also didn't have Rock's driving ability in mind.

Fortunately the storm clouds pass just in time to reveal the next and final stop of the day - the little harbor town of Lindau.

The ancient lighthouse at Lindau settles in for another quiet night watching over the town as dusk merges into nightfall.

Another palatial 2 stars. What does this rating scale start at -10 or something?