In the murkiest depths of a vast ocean there lies the ruins of a fabled civilization, a city so grand that her legend has drifted to the farthest corners of the world, carried forth through the ages by the very waves that shroud her final resting place. The Lost City of Atlantis! Many have tried to peer into her watery coffin. Many lie with her for eternity in the ocean's icy embrace, cursing the futility of their failed quest with their dying gasp.
So it was with much trepidation that Team J00ster raised their sails and battened down their hatches for an epic voyage into the unknown. Speaking of unknown, is that a fast food joint that they haven't tried? Surely not! Bojangles? Submerged halls of buried treasure and amorous mermaids can wait, here be fried chicken!
Must be a lot harder to spot when you're chucking up over the heaving railing of a puny little galleon in the middle of a maelstrom. Either that or this whole Lost City thing is the biggest misnomer since fun size candy bars.
Is anyone else starting to get a bit suspicious about this whole lost city thing? If it's so lost how come the cab drivers know exactly where to go as soon as another plane-full of sun-starved Americans trundle out the door looking to discover if Atlantean lattes are just like back home? As an aside, it turns out they are; when you're that watery, you taste pretty much the same at the bottom of the ocean.
Carefully cropped to keep the mermaid fantasy alive for a few more photos at least.
When your big claim to fame is being lost for an eon or two, it pays to have your own in-house entertainment.
Why that super yacht has double parked in front of my Nautilus! Luckily I have a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to blow it up in burst of gratuitous CGI.
Is he tall or are they short? Both.
At Carmines, you don't order a salad, you order an entire plantation.
As the sun sets below the palms, an impromptu dance party breaks out in the streets. Heck, anything to keep those greenbacks coming, even a sissy feather hat.
If you strut your stuff, maybe one of those super yachts will lower their boarding ramp. Or maybe they'll kick back with their Moet and go back to working out how many nights they have to stay moored here to avoid those pesky taxes back home.
When suffering from super yacht envy, head straight to the casino to win your own. Well that was the plan until it was discovered that the minimum buy-in is 500 bucks. They might as well just put up a "Sorry, no 99 percenters please" sign.
Let's get that party started! Funny how a lost city seems to be right up to speed with the latest Usher beats.
Swimming with dolphins is one of the most popular day trips. Or in certain cases make that frantically splashing with dolphins.
The best way to escape the rush of cruise boat day trippers is to head out to sea while they're all stuck on the land.
The only thing better than a wet t-shirt contest is a no t-shirt contest.
Full steam ahead! In the event of icebergs, don't worry, we can always try again in 3D later.
It's only out at sea that you can appreciate just how big Atlantis actually is.
A grizzled mariner scans the far horizon for the first sight of land. The crew is getting restless as the pina colada supplies dwindle towards mutiny-inducing levels.
Dolphin Island is a paradise for the gregarious Atlantic Bottlenose. Where else do fishes get thrown at you all day just for flipping a few balls around?
Once the kiddees have hit the sack, the adults come out to play. So the obvious question is, why is Rock in this photo?
Forget the cuddly dolphins, this fella is the real deal, just ask Steve Irwin.
Does anyone see a Zhu family resemblance? Seems Mei is the only one in the family who can't swim.
Careful, there are parts of the world where puffer fish are considered a delicacy.
Let's count the number of species in this aquarium that Wuhanese are willing to eat, starting with sesame jellyfish with chili sauce. Who's hungry?
Course two, braised eel with preserved egg. Why they're conveniently already in the pot and everything.
Does anyone feel some fish congee coming on?
Another day, another day trip. This time to snorkel one of the magnificent coral reefs that lie off the main island.
This dude look like he's one swell away from becoming closely acquainted with a bucket down in the bilge
Not seeing a lot of sail trimming ladies, this boat ain't gonna sail itself.
Snorkeling? But that would require actually moving.
Ahoy me hearties! Once they get cable internet out yonder we can name it Paradise Island.
There's blue, and then there's Caribbean blue.
Are they going to remake this one in 3D too? Sign me up.
Hey mon, how can I be cool like you?
Back at home base for some more water slides. And hot dogs. Not necessarily in that order.
Super yacht row. Looks a bit tight, lucky Rock's not parking.
No one does artificial lagoons quite like Atlantis.
It even comes complete with a herd of stingrays.
Don't Rock the bridge.
I doubt the DMV counts this as driving experience.
Apparently that cool bridge between the buildings is one big suite... which goes for a cool $25,000 a night. That's why this photo is from the outside.
Mei has a big problem with the No Sunglasses Allowed rules on the water slides.
Just like Hershey's chocolate syrup, so artificial but so so good.
Even the beach looks like it was carefully constructed for optimal postcardinality.
Anything to put off going down the Abyss, right dude?
The Challengers. Parallel chutes of white water that let you race someone to the bottom. In J00ster's case the only racing was seeing whether Rock or Mei would chicken out first.
The Leap of Faith. An almost vertical drop that plunges into a transparent tube that runs right through the shark tank. Having said that, the sharks are the least of one's worries, it's the standing at the top looking at a shear cliff that causes all the problems.
It's a miracle. No, not the fact he survived, the fact he was brave enough to take the Leap in the first place. Full disclosure: it did take him until the final day to work up the courage.
Time to check out the city of Nassau. Yes, that's right, there is more to the Bahamas than the gooey goodness of Ben & Jerry's.
You can see the vendors licking their lips as another cruise ships disgorges deck after deck of walking ATMs. Make that scooter-driving ATMs.
It's not hard to escape the crowds. Just make sure you don't get between the thundering herd and the dock-side McDonald's.
With so many Americans waddling the streets, it's easy to forget that this is actually part of the Commonwealth. But for those in the know, the roundabouts on the way from the airport were a dead giveaway.
Oh you mean it's real? I thought it was just another themed water slide? Then again The Parliamentary Pit doesn't have the same ring to it as The Serpent Slide. Although both are equally nasty.
It's official. Atlantis is getting Rock's coveted number one ranking. Not to be confused with his other ranking, which involves an adjacent finger.
What's the quickest way to get the plane to turn around? Too bad Captain Sully isn't here to take us back via the direct route.
