Friday, July 19, 2013

Incoming Dense Rock Equivalents

You know what they say about out of the frying pan and into the fire? Other than summarizing the usual fate of sausages at one of Rock's BBQs, it could also sum up Team J00ster's travel schedule of late. Santorini's epic explosion is typically classified by experts as having a Volcanic Explosivity Index of 7, which in dry academic speak is a volcanic event ejecting at least 100 cubic kilometers of Dense Rock Equivalent. More helpfully, Wikipedia informs us such an event is "less colossal, but still supermassive" when compared to the granddaddy of them all, a fabled VEI-8 explosion. So where might a team of intrepid volcanologists head if they want to upgrade from the mere supermassive to the mega-colossal? You guessed it: Yellowstone National Park. 
 
On second thoughts, a convertible may not be the vehicle of choice for fending off hundreds of cubic kilometers of Dense Rock Equivalents falling out of the sky. It's bad enough having one stuck in the driver's seat.

 

As an aside, apart from Yellowstone there have only been a handful of VEI-8 events in recorded history, and one of those was Lake Taupo. Anyone else noticing a bit of a theme here?


Seismic forces are in evidence even before reaching Yellowstone. The mighty Tetons comprise the youngest range in the Rockies, at only nine million years old they're only a couple of years behind Mei.


Apparently it was early French fur traders who gave the Teton's their name. Trust the French to name them after a pair of boobies.


Nothing like the growl of a classic American muscle car to keep the grizzlies at bay.


Don't worry, everyone looks short standing in front of a 7,000 foot peak.


A backdrop like this can make anyone look good.



Shouldn't you be draping yourselves seductively over a Geely?


The thundering herd seems to be thundering this way. Bison have a top speed of 40 miles per hour, so there's a good chance we'll have the opportunity to prove our patriotism through the ultimate sacrifice; wearing Made in Detroit on the bonnet is nice when you're carrying Miss Indy 500 around the Brickyard, it's decidedly less so when you need to outgun 2,500 pounds of prime Wyoming buffalo.


Does anyone else get the feeling this fence is for decorative purposes only?


Approaching the boundary of Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone National Park. You're forgiven if you didn't notice the transition from spectacular to spectacular.


Smokey the Bear says, only YOU can prevent Chinese tourists from getting too close to the animals.


Looks like the perfect temperature for boiling up some Thousand Year Old Eggs.



Who would have thought hot water bubbling out of the ground could be so cool?



That's all the motivation Rock needs to lace up the hiking boots and head for the trail. If they want to cut down on bear attacks, they really need to do away with such persuasive advertising; no dumb city slicker will be able to resist an invitation like this.



Even all the way up here you can here them cursing Rock's decision to hike up a mountain in the middle of a blazing hot day. So much for the snow lasting into July.


Someone isn't enjoying the summit. Where's those frequenting bears when you need them?


And someone is enjoying the summit a little too much. Dude, it's a couple hundred feet, it's not like you conquered Grand Teton.


With head gear like that, it's no wonder the rest of the woods is feeling inadequate.


Lake Lodge, the perfect place for a quick lunch break. Everything tastes better when served in a log cabin.



Looks pretty peaceful for the crater of a supervolcano.


Speaking of peaceful, it seems Taiwan and China are now getting along. Must be that shared love of fried rice.



The only wildlife more common than the mighty Elk are the even mightier mosquitoes.


The swarm of bloodsuckers on the bridge is so thick the camera can barely auto focus. In hindsight, pajamas are not suitable wilderness wear.



Sure it looks picturesque, but that still body of water is where those infernal mossies are breeding.


Day two dawns clear but mercifully a little cooler. That's a good thing, given most of the day will be spent observing steam at close quarters.


What have we here? It must be one of those annoying artificial roadblocks that allows all the teams to catch up, irrespective of how stupid and/or useless they were in last week's episode.



Why pay premium prices for a mineral spa in Manhattan?


For some reason, Pepsi seems to be the official soft drink of U.S. National Park Service. More evidence that Big Government can't be trusted to run anything.


Hayden Valley. A significant step up from the decaying post-industrial wasteland of Rochester, NY.


The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone? Is that the best name you can come up with? Perhaps we need to get those dodgy, Teton-starved Frenchmen back.


There's nothing low at all about Lower Falls.


It's a long way back up. Unfortunately, the quick way down is not recommended for those who can't swim. Or for those who would like to keep living.


Artist's Point. Forgot your canvas? Don't worry, there's an instagram filter for that.




At times like these it would be nice to have a roof that doesn't take two minutes to deploy.



Roosevelt Lodge, a welcome pit stop on the lonely road from Canyon to Mammoth. The RVs that swarm like giant mosquitoes seem to mainly buzz along the roads around Old Faithful.



Once again a convertible seems an ill suited vehicle for this drive thru zoo.


We take it back. Looks like Big Government is an equal opportunity soda buyer. Forget holding up the 3.15 Wells Fargo stagecoach to Cody, this is the real prize.


Did someone drop a little blue pill in the hot spring...


Mammoth Hot Springs is one of the park's genuine highlights. Layer after layer of crystalline calcium has piled up over the eons to form giant stacks of steaming pancake terraces.


Anyone remember the maple syrup?



The magnificent desolation is accentuated by the brooding clouds of an afternoon thunderstorm.



Welcome to the land of the drive thru. Would you like to upsize your geyser combo?


If you actually bothered to get out of the car, you'd be treated to an other-worldly moonscape scared by forces so powerful they make your F-150 look like whatever underpowered import Rock is driving.




Even in this forsaken world of sulfur and acid, there is a ethereal beauty to be found in the devastated stumps of burnt-out trees juxtaposed with the delicate flower-like walls of the terraces.




Speaking of drive thru tourism, Rock's schedule is starting to resemble a burger crawl down the main street of a town straddling I-80. So many options, not enough time. Next up, Norris Geyser Basin.


So that's what happened to the Eye of Sauron after those pesky hobbits managed to mess up his grand plans for world domination.



That's enough geysers for one day. Time to head south the one of the park's few man-made highlights, the legendary Old Faithful Inn.


Log cabins and Old Glory; the only way we can make this scene more American is to reveal the NSA is spying on this blog as you read it. U. S. A! U. S. A!


Fortunately this log cabin comes with all the mod cons, like an artisanal ice creamery.



There's a pot of gold down there, if you're willing to brave 32,000 liters of superheated steam.


Start the countdown folks... to the end of the blog.


You don't say.


A glorious day for watching the Old Faithful in action.


Thar she blows!





Lower Geyser Basin offers an incredible variety of geothermal features, all within a five minute walk of Old Faithful. It's so easy it almost feels like cheating.



Rock points out some of the more subtle geothermal features of the spring: "uhm it's, like, really blue".


Attention to detail. Something that has never really been a big feature of this blog.


Forget the catwalk, the boardwalk is where the action is.


Just when you thought we'd run out of Americana, check out this classic diner.


Of all the geysers in the park, Grand Prismatic is something special. With a diameter of 300 feet, it's the third biggest hot spring in the world behind, you guessed it, one in New Zealand.


The remarkable colors that give the hot spring its name seem to float up into the sky on tendrils of steam.



It's hard to appreciate the scale from the ground. What we need is a bird's eye view. Hang on, don't give Rock any ideas on this smoking hot day.




Why that looks like a usefully high hill back there. I wonder...


No need for a trail folks, the legendary fires of 1988 cleared enough of the old growth forest to allow spectacular views of Grand Prismatic. If one is willing to do a little back country exploring.


Look at those poor fools down there, they don't know what they're missing. You mean like a scramble up a 60 degree slope in 90 degree weather?



The ladies seem to prefer the comfort of the boardwalk


Given the post-holiday traffic, grabbing one of these sleek beasts may be the quickest way back to Grand Teton.


Even the cops will have to forgive you if you break the speed limit on this stunning stretch of road.


Greatest state in the union. Ok, at the very least the one with coolest flag.


Any hike that requires a boat ride just to get to the remote starting point has got to be cool.




Who says the Mountain Man is an extinct species?



Hidden Falls is a bit of a misnomer seeing as they've built a convenient viewing deck.


If Rock has his way it would be time to start climbing. But as you all know, he doesn't. Probably a good thing.


Nothing keeps the sun off like some branded wilderness apparel.


Careful, on Snowden's thumb drive you may look a bit like a jihadist.




Nothing like having instant death one foot away to spice up a trail.


If this is the most fearsome beast encountered on the trail, no one will be complaining given the rather off-putting grizzly warnings at the start of the trail.


Looks like the grizzlies aren't in the mood for Chinese today. Must be a pizza day.




Even without snow the piste at Jackson Hole looks alarmingly steep. Probably best to spend one more season in Happy Valley before venturing onto the mean Wyoming slopes in winter.