For the record though, we didn't see any AK47s, we didn't see any Al Qaeda camps, but what we did see was some of the most stunningly pristine scenery you'll ever see. But let's not jump the gun (hur hur hur), the story of this four day road trip starts where all good stories do - with a heaping tray of chicken fried rice. Ok, so I've glossed over the 8 hours of sweltering driving with no air con that preceded said tray of fried rice - but no one really wants a description of how the beads of sweat were rolling down Rock's sticky arms and cong... see what I mean?
Home sweet home for the next three days - a rustic wood cabin deep in the bush bordering the national park. OK, fine, so it had hot running water... and lazy boys... and Sky digital, but it was still a cabin. The wilderness never felt so good.
I'll raise you two peanut butter m&m's... The stakes rapidly spiral out of control in a winner-takes-all game of uno.
Day one in the park kicks off bright and early with a stop on the shores of the mighty Lake Waikaremoana for essential bush survival provisions...
...like salt & vinegar chips, ice creams and chocolate. Fortunately the little general store - the only food outpost for 2 hours in any direction - comes well stocked with the essentials.
Let's see if you're still smiling at the end of the loop trail. Today's mission: a 6 hour tramp that takes in the picturesque shores of Lake Waikareiti - a smaller lake 4km from Waikaremoana - and several wetlands.
The first few km are easy enough - wide trails and plenty of snacks.
An hour later, the trees fall away to reveal the stunning expanse of Lake Waikareiti - crystal clear waters stretching out to a string of lush bush-clad islands.
The explores take a moment to block the gorgeous view while Rock waxes lyrically on mankind's triumph over nature.
More eye candy. Followed shortly by more mouth candy in the form of a couple reese peanut butter cups.
The good thing about NZ is this peaceful scene isn't about to be shattered by a 6 foot crocodile or a two story anaconda.
They say the best way to teach swimming is to throw them in the deep end...
I guess now isn't a good time to mention the eels...
The perfect antidote for tired feet.
Is that another peanut butter cup I spy on the shore?
Even Far Cry didn't look this darn good.
Day two starts with a spelunking expedition deep into the bowels of the Onepoto caves which dot the shore of Waikaremoana. But before heading underground, there's amply opportunity to take in the magnificent vista.
This is the before shot, as in before crawling on hands on knees through a muddy cavern.
Don't worry, the wetas are unlikely to be quite as big as you.
Looking south to Panekire Bluff, the jutting guardian of the lake.
Having conquered the caverns, it's back to the general store to restock.
And then back to Waikareiti for the highlight of the trip - a row out to untouched islands that dot the lake.Dude, the island's that way. Rock quickly finds that like most things in life, rowing a boat isn't quite as easy as it looks.
Now this is cool. After skirting the edges of the largest island looking for a landing point, a tiny wharf and stairway is just visible under the lush bush.
How about you double check that knot chief. Marooned on a picturesque island is only fun while the chocolate holds out.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any cooler. No, I don't mean those dudes in the foreground. I mean this little lake on an island within a lake. That's right, in the middle of the island is another lake, about 3m above the water level of the larger lake.
Heave ho!
Whew, the boat's still here. Alas, the provisions pack appears to be empty. I coulda sworn there was one more re
Rock's theory that the wind was the sole culprit is his display of non-linear rowing is rendered somewhat dubious by this picture.
Row, row, row your boat...
Ahoy there landlubbers!
Seems a shame to spoil such a postcard perfect snap with the wake of the row boat.
Back on dry land... somehow the boat seemed a lot lighter in the water.
Watch my toes dude!
Aye aye sir! Captain on the bridge!
Another big day comes to an end. They did say there was the chance of seeing wild pigs in the vicinity.
And now, back to civilisation and berry ice creams. Is that good or what?
Fast forward another 8 sweaty hours in a blazing hot car on a monotonous road, and it's back to Auckland and Rangitoto's familiar profile.
I am one with the road... because I ride a Harley.
All good things come to an end. Mercifully seeing as the captioning effort is giving the Bangledesh cricket team a run for their money in the limpest capitulation stakes.
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