New York is cold.
Puerto Rico is hot. Q: Where would you rather be? A:
Uhm... somewhere other than stuck in front of a dreary computer reading a blog about other people having fun.
With wheels like that no wonder they let Puerto Rico masquerade as the 51st state. If that won't earn you automatic citizenship nothing will.
Good afternoon, welcome to Puerto Rico! Let me run you through our specials for today. Today we're serving pork with a side of rice and beans, which I highly recommend. We also have our most popular dish, pork with a side of beans and rice. Or perhaps I can temp you with our chef's newest creation, rice and beans on the side, with pork? Riiiiigght... the first taste of island cuisine is a little underwhelming. Must be why they have good rum; after a fiery shot or two you might even step out on a limb and try the beans and pork, on rice. You rebel you!
Ok folks, you've seen what you came to see . You can close down your brower now, and don't forget to clear the history.
The streets of old San Juan. Nice and quiet, must be the lull between cruise ship dockings. Or perhaps it's the fact there's a McDonald's between here and the dock.
It may not be Fifth Avenue, but for some reason the wallets are just as light after traversing Calle del Cristo. What's the point of all these new handbags if you don't have anything left to put in them ladies?
It's hard work computing all the discounts at the outlets. What's 40% off something that's already marked down 20%? Let's see, (1-0.2)*(1-0.4) = I'll take it! Q.E.D.
The cool side of the table. Or it was, until Rock sat down.
This looks suspiciously like paradise. Cheap handbags, hot babes, cold booze. What's missing? Uhm nothing, other than Rock's camera, which is still sitting at home in NYC. Will someone send this travel newbie back to the cruise ship where he belongs?
But wait, there's more. As the sun sets over the Caribbean, the island comes out to party.
Three Horns, the local watering hole just off Plaza San Fransisco. And given rum is about as ubiquitous as water in these parts, it's not hard to guess what will be flowing freely tonight.
At a dollar a shot, the first round lasts a bit longer than it does in Manhattan. Regrettably Rock's sobriety does not.
Step right up ladies! No, no, not you Rock.
Let's give this bloke the benefit of the doubt, must be sunburn. That would explain those sunglasses too...
Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the reddest of them all?
And the reason the ground seems to be on an angle? Uhm... that must the sunstroke.
Day two. Time for an excursion to El Yunque rainforest. Stretch those legs ladies, at Rock's driving pace you could be stuck in the back seat for a while yet.
No honking yellow cabs, no hordes of tourists blocking the sidewalks, just wide open spaces as far as the eye can see.
Bear with me while I go download Raiders theme from iTunes.
La Mina. The mystical name of a legendary falls hidden deep in the twisted undergrowth of the verdant tropical forest. Weary explorers have battled unspeakable hardship in their quest for but one drop of her crystal waters. Like disgusting Wendy's burgers for example.
Are we there yet? Better get a move on, why you know what, there might be a Coach store at the bottom.
Nice! It doesn't get much better than that. An icy waterfall plunging through the forest into a perfectly formed swimming hole.
I could have sworn in the postcards it was topless chicks, not topless dudes.
Looks like someone chickened out and didn't go in.
Next stop, a dusk excursion to the legendary Bio Bay, famous for its bio-luminescent organisms that make the water glow when anything moves. But it's on an island, so first we have to get there. Which can only mean on thing... booze cruise!
Sunset always looks better with a pina colada in hand.
Ahoy maties, you don't want to meddle with these mermaids unless you want to end up with a peg leg.
Unfortunately the glow in the dark effect doesn't really come out on camera. Guess you had to be there. There's something unbelievably cool about swimming around in a pitch black bay under the stars, watching a trail of neon light sparkle behind you.
Day three. Two hours in the car for the privilege of photographing the supposedly most photographed beach in Puerto Rico. In hindsight, perhaps settling for the Google Images results would have been enough. But hey, once you get there you might as well add to the tally. Unless you're a doofus who left your camera at home of course.
Let's hit the water!
photoCount = photoCount+1;
If this doesn't tell you you're in the islands, nothing will.
Man, all that lounging around doing nothing sure does work up an appetite.
Pork with rice and beans goes upmarket. Apparently the Man vs. Food dude took on a pile of these chops. Needless to say, Rock and Mixay are ready to prove that he's not the only one who can eat himself into oblivion.
Day four. The beach next door may not be the most photographed, but these dudes certainly are.
One for the road. Or the air, or whatever. One more pina colada before heading back to the frigid north.
So much for one. Try five.
The colorful streets of Old San Juan.
That's some impressive air for someone loaded to the brim with pork chops.
Get out your sunnies lads, the town is sizzling today.
Auditions for the next Bond girl get under way. Show me some tropical kick ass ladies!
Fear the crane!
It might be easier if you had one less pork chop next time.
Trick or treat!
I'm sure whoever spent the last six hours in the blazing sun paining that wall is really happy to have it autographed with your fingerprints. Oh well, a convenient excuse to try red this time around.
Island blues. Twelve hours from now we'll be stepping of the plane at a freezing JFK. What a miserable thought.
The old San Juan fort, resplendent in the tropical afternoon sun.
Soaking up some last rays. It will be three long, bleak winter months before you see the likes of this again.
Rock keeps an eye out for marauding pirates. Capt'n Jack Sparrow won't know what hit 'em. Feisty talk for someone armed only with a blackberry.
Wow, I'm sure this formidable sentinel will keep us safe... until Coach announces their next sale.
Beware the scourge of one too many rum shots me hearties, lest ye rest here in eternity.
No pirates here folks. Regrettably no Keira Knightly in a corset either.
The price one pays for choosing style over comfort. Yes they're shiny and red, but is that really the top priority after 3km?
Team J00ster, extended edition.
Let's get this party started!
My zen is zenner than your zen. Err... right.
Yeah, I know we live on an island, but somehow it seems a little different from this one.
That's the last pork chop joke you'll ever make!
Thanks to Mixay for providing the guest photojournalism for this post. With masterpieces like this, Rock might need to look for a new line of work. Of course, forgetting the tools of his trade didn't really help the ol' performance review either.
Cold. Snow. Work. Yeah, pretty depressing.
But look on the bright side, there's an unlimited booze allowance on the way back, and rum here is cheaper than water...
With wheels like that no wonder they let Puerto Rico masquerade as the 51st state. If that won't earn you automatic citizenship nothing will.
Good afternoon, welcome to Puerto Rico! Let me run you through our specials for today. Today we're serving pork with a side of rice and beans, which I highly recommend. We also have our most popular dish, pork with a side of beans and rice. Or perhaps I can temp you with our chef's newest creation, rice and beans on the side, with pork? Riiiiigght... the first taste of island cuisine is a little underwhelming. Must be why they have good rum; after a fiery shot or two you might even step out on a limb and try the beans and pork, on rice. You rebel you!
Ok folks, you've seen what you came to see . You can close down your brower now, and don't forget to clear the history.
The streets of old San Juan. Nice and quiet, must be the lull between cruise ship dockings. Or perhaps it's the fact there's a McDonald's between here and the dock.
It may not be Fifth Avenue, but for some reason the wallets are just as light after traversing Calle del Cristo. What's the point of all these new handbags if you don't have anything left to put in them ladies?
It's hard work computing all the discounts at the outlets. What's 40% off something that's already marked down 20%? Let's see, (1-0.2)*(1-0.4) = I'll take it! Q.E.D.
The cool side of the table. Or it was, until Rock sat down.
This looks suspiciously like paradise. Cheap handbags, hot babes, cold booze. What's missing? Uhm nothing, other than Rock's camera, which is still sitting at home in NYC. Will someone send this travel newbie back to the cruise ship where he belongs?
But wait, there's more. As the sun sets over the Caribbean, the island comes out to party.
Three Horns, the local watering hole just off Plaza San Fransisco. And given rum is about as ubiquitous as water in these parts, it's not hard to guess what will be flowing freely tonight.
At a dollar a shot, the first round lasts a bit longer than it does in Manhattan. Regrettably Rock's sobriety does not.
Step right up ladies! No, no, not you Rock.
Let's give this bloke the benefit of the doubt, must be sunburn. That would explain those sunglasses too...
Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the reddest of them all?
And the reason the ground seems to be on an angle? Uhm... that must the sunstroke.
Day two. Time for an excursion to El Yunque rainforest. Stretch those legs ladies, at Rock's driving pace you could be stuck in the back seat for a while yet.
No honking yellow cabs, no hordes of tourists blocking the sidewalks, just wide open spaces as far as the eye can see.
Bear with me while I go download Raiders theme from iTunes.
La Mina. The mystical name of a legendary falls hidden deep in the twisted undergrowth of the verdant tropical forest. Weary explorers have battled unspeakable hardship in their quest for but one drop of her crystal waters. Like disgusting Wendy's burgers for example.
Are we there yet? Better get a move on, why you know what, there might be a Coach store at the bottom.
Nice! It doesn't get much better than that. An icy waterfall plunging through the forest into a perfectly formed swimming hole.
I could have sworn in the postcards it was topless chicks, not topless dudes.
Looks like someone chickened out and didn't go in.
Next stop, a dusk excursion to the legendary Bio Bay, famous for its bio-luminescent organisms that make the water glow when anything moves. But it's on an island, so first we have to get there. Which can only mean on thing... booze cruise!
Sunset always looks better with a pina colada in hand.
Ahoy maties, you don't want to meddle with these mermaids unless you want to end up with a peg leg.
Unfortunately the glow in the dark effect doesn't really come out on camera. Guess you had to be there. There's something unbelievably cool about swimming around in a pitch black bay under the stars, watching a trail of neon light sparkle behind you.
Day three. Two hours in the car for the privilege of photographing the supposedly most photographed beach in Puerto Rico. In hindsight, perhaps settling for the Google Images results would have been enough. But hey, once you get there you might as well add to the tally. Unless you're a doofus who left your camera at home of course.
Let's hit the water!
photoCount = photoCount+1;
If this doesn't tell you you're in the islands, nothing will.
Man, all that lounging around doing nothing sure does work up an appetite.
Pork with rice and beans goes upmarket. Apparently the Man vs. Food dude took on a pile of these chops. Needless to say, Rock and Mixay are ready to prove that he's not the only one who can eat himself into oblivion.
Day four. The beach next door may not be the most photographed, but these dudes certainly are.
One for the road. Or the air, or whatever. One more pina colada before heading back to the frigid north.
So much for one. Try five.
The colorful streets of Old San Juan.
That's some impressive air for someone loaded to the brim with pork chops.
Get out your sunnies lads, the town is sizzling today.
Auditions for the next Bond girl get under way. Show me some tropical kick ass ladies!
Fear the crane!
It might be easier if you had one less pork chop next time.
Trick or treat!
I'm sure whoever spent the last six hours in the blazing sun paining that wall is really happy to have it autographed with your fingerprints. Oh well, a convenient excuse to try red this time around.
Island blues. Twelve hours from now we'll be stepping of the plane at a freezing JFK. What a miserable thought.
The old San Juan fort, resplendent in the tropical afternoon sun.
Soaking up some last rays. It will be three long, bleak winter months before you see the likes of this again.
Rock keeps an eye out for marauding pirates. Capt'n Jack Sparrow won't know what hit 'em. Feisty talk for someone armed only with a blackberry.
Wow, I'm sure this formidable sentinel will keep us safe... until Coach announces their next sale. 
Beware the scourge of one too many rum shots me hearties, lest ye rest here in eternity.
No pirates here folks. Regrettably no Keira Knightly in a corset either.
The price one pays for choosing style over comfort. Yes they're shiny and red, but is that really the top priority after 3km?
Team J00ster, extended edition.
Let's get this party started!
My zen is zenner than your zen. Err... right.
Yeah, I know we live on an island, but somehow it seems a little different from this one.
That's the last pork chop joke you'll ever make!
Thanks to Mixay for providing the guest photojournalism for this post. With masterpieces like this, Rock might need to look for a new line of work. Of course, forgetting the tools of his trade didn't really help the ol' performance review either.
Cold. Snow. Work. Yeah, pretty depressing.
But look on the bright side, there's an unlimited booze allowance on the way back, and rum here is cheaper than water...
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