Lone Star State of Mind

Ok, so this post is only 15 flights and three countries too late, but hey, who's counting? Oh come on, Rock is of course. If he spent more time blogging and less time religiously tallying his air miles down to the second decimal place, you could have read about this back when it actually happened.

Our gracious hosts, of TwoPhatKiwis fame, roll out the perfect Texan welcome: would you like fries with that bison burger sir?


Team J00ster and Team Two Phat. Never heard of them? That's not surprising given the hit statistics on their respective blogs.

Austin, reputedly something of an oasis of blue in a state that is usually the first to glow red on CNN every four years. Must be why these dudes haven't been lynched yet for failing to engage in more worthwhile pursuits, such as digging for oil in unspoilt wilderness or defending the border just well enough to make sure you can proudly raise your Stars and Stripes on the porch whilst still having enough... uhm... mobility of human capital... to keep the lawn mown this summer.

University of Texas at Austin. Apparently they have the occasional lecture here between football games.

Knowledge can be a prickly gift. Huh, sounds heavy bro, let's put on some pads and smash into each other instead.

Longhorns Limited. Kind of like their offense... and defense... and special teams during their rather unfortunate 2010 season.

Better trade up to some real cowboy boots before you try the whole rodeo thing. Then again, Jared's pair seem better suited to the local cocktail bar than the stirrup.

Can anyone spot the non-Texans? No, it's not the lack of cowboy hats or a low slung hoster or an even lower slung gut. It's actually the absence of even a scrap of the sacred burnt orange and white.

The suitably grandiose capitol will come in handy when Texans finally get their wish and secede from the union. The only thing holding them back is the small technicality of whether an independent nation can participate in the Big 12.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Actually, pretty much everyone can beat them, muahahahahaha.

Remarkable, a statue of someone who is famous for something other than throwing, running, or kicking a football. Actually, no one has any idea who he is, so scratch that thought and tune back in to the Big 12 network for a rerun of the 2005 Rose Bowl.

Mei is working hard fit in to the Texan way of life. Only 200 pounds, a couple of Colts, and a pickup truck with a Confederate bumper sticker to go.

For a state that is viciously opposed to Big Government, or any government for that matter, they sure do have a monumental capitol.

Is that Colt McCoy way up there? Nope, you need to either lift the crystal football or sink a few dozen oil wells to reach the top perch.

The Star of Texas. Which is... gasp... TCU right now not the mighty Longhorns.

Is this the one who blew up Iraq, or the one who blew up Iraq?

She's not from Texas. She doesn't look like us. She doesn't know a quarterback from a Quarterpounder. Ego, she should be put in jail.

In these chambers George W learned the deft leadership skills required to be The Decider. Like how to smoke terrorists out of their holes.

The Chinese delegation arrives to address the legislature. Careful, in these parts diplomacy is deciding whether the A&M game or the Longhorns game plays in the cafeteria. Yuan policy is probably best left until that short window between the Superbowl and the start of the baseball spring training.

Everything is bigger in Texas.

Despite the litany of Texan stereotypes that cheap tabloid media such as this blog delight in, it turns out Texas is a bit more sophisticated than the coastal snobs like to think. For example, cocktails are something other than the opportunity to deep fry the rear end of a rooster.

The legendary feats of local hero Lance Armstrong has turned Austin into the cycling capital of America. What better way to follow in his cycle tracks then by injecti... I mean, saddling up.

Whaddya mean you don't know how to use a kickstand? You did grow up in the land of the bicycle did you not?

One of the coolest crazes in Austin is the food truck epidemic. Springing up in every spare lot are food trucks serving everything from gourmet tacos to sushi. Suddenly images of dusty cattle trails and tumbleweeds are looking a little off the mark.

Republican or Democrat? And you thought it was a tough decision at the ballot box!

The aforementioned taco truck. By biking between trucks one can burn off the guilt if not the actual calories.

Downtown Austin. Again, not a cattle yard or saloon to be seen. This stereotype is slipping faster than this blogging effort.

Jared wonders how his sleek carbon fiber somehow got swapped for a set of chick wheels.

Gourdough's. Purveyors of fine heart attacks since 2009.

Would you like your deep fried donut before or after you top up your health insurance?

Carbo loading before the ride never looked, or tasted, better.

Out here quality footwear is for more than getting into Tao. It also helps fend off rattlesnakes and inconvenient oil puddles in your local Gulf.

More food. Less blog. A winning combination.