Deck the Halls with Bowls of Ramen



The world is a big place. The rarefied, gasping heights of Everest Base Camp are a long way from the torrid swamps of the Okavango Delta. The imposing, seemingly indestructible walls of Dubrovnik are but a speck in time next to the windswept cliffs of Santa Cruz island. Team J00ster has been lucky enough to see a small slice of this planet we call Earth, but there's one time of the year where there really is no place like home. Christmas in New York is special. A time when the waft of roasting chestnuts on Fifth Avenue mingles with the cheery tinkle of bells on the Central Park carriages. A time when spicy cider at the Union Square market washes down a tasty mouthful of holiday goodies from Momofuku milk bar. With the island almost overflowing with holiday cheer, it's easy to forget that for at least half Manhattan's multicultural inhabitants Christmas isn't even a holiday. Which is a really great thing when you're craving a bit of ramen with your eggnog.

 

 

Every year the New York Botanical Garden hosts the Holiday Train Show, when magically the greenhouses and conservatories are transformed into tiny winter wonderlands full of miniature trains puffing their way around the foliage and past intricately detailed NY landmarks. Who said botany isn't one of the hard science?

 

When heading back to the Steam Age, you have to look the part. Someone whip me up a rye Old Fashioned in the bar car.

 

Sorry, the Don Draper look is reserved for those from across the Williamsburg Bridge.

The subprime crisis is over, downsizing is so 2008.

Only in NY does the kids' Gingerbread Adventure Garden take on a haute-Gothic undertone.

A campfire and marshmallows would go down a treat, but Mayor Bloomberg discourages anything that contains sugar or fun, or God forbid, both.

It's like Fantasy Land, except without the snotty kids and high fructose corn syrup. Oh and without the rides too. Lame.

There's cannibalism, and then there's eating the entire family, gumdrop buttons and all.

The Bronx is so far out in the wilderness you can almost see the stars. And we're not talking about the Yankees' geriatric lineup down the road.

Cocktails and model trains? Isn't that like a supermodel dating a geek?

Speaking of geeks...

Welcome to the Little Apple!

That little holiday trolley looks a bit more upmarket than the 5.40am Express 4 to Crown-Heights Utica Avenue via Wall Street.

Every building is lovingly crafted out of natural materials. If only the MTA put so much effort into the real subway system.

Even in G-Scale 1:32 size Rock can't afford Manhattan real estate.

The Williamsburg Bridge. To cross you need to be a neo-forager locavore in re-appropriated skinny jeans.

This looks suspiciously like the Sydney Harbor Bridge, except it can't be, because the trains seem to be running over it without three hour signal delays.

Penn Station would have rivaled Grand Central for grandeur, but alas in a moment of stupidity it was ripped down to make way for a few more generic skyscrapers.

Don't forget to tip the doormen on the way out. Starched white Upper East Side gloves always work a little better with a touch of green.

An eclectic collection of landmarks from across America, faithfully recreated in 1:32 scale, or in the case of the ones from Texas 1:50 scale to make sure they fit in with everything else.

All aboard the Nostalgia Express. If you need to get to Foreclosure Central, Post-Industrial Gardens, or Poverty Mews try Amtrak. They'll get you there eventually... and it will be the one time you'll be glad to be three hours late.

30 Rock and The Rock share the stage with the Empire State Building, Chrysler Building, and Metropolitan Life Insurance Tower.

Hop on board if you want to head out to that promise land in the West, where NFC quarterbacks actually know how to win games down the stretch.

Even the Botanical Garden's own conservatory makes a celebrity appearance in miniature. Which is just like every appearance for Tom Cruise.

Yankee Stadium comes complete with floodlights and a tiny roaring crowd. Not sure what they're roaring about to be honest, unless it's indignation at another A-rod strike out when it's all on the line.

Brooklyn Bridge, the new front line in the Battle for New York. On one side the storied Knicks and their fortress Garden emblazoned with the pennants of legendary victories past. On the other side the upstart Nets, with their sleek, hip new arena and locavore hot dogs. And in the middle, Rock waiting patiently to see which side actually makes the playoffs before buying his hat.

Even Central Park gets a gig, her lush foliage carefully recreated on a micro scale. Bet the hot dogs are still the same price though.

All aboard the Orient Express! Hang on, I thought that's the 7 Express to Flushing?

And that brings us to the end of the line. This train is now out of service, all passengers please disembark here. To all our faithful readers, Merry Christmas!