The seething cauldron of the fabled Estádio Maracanã is still but a distant dream for the 32 teams setting forth on the tortuous journey to World Cup immortality. A cruel and twisted road pockmarked with agony and despair, signposted with the devastation of a missed penalties and the dagger of extra time heartbreak. But only from the impossible can heroes be forged. Only in the firestorm of Arena Fonte Nova or the maelstrom of Estádio Nacional can legends be born. Nations will rise and fall with the deft flick of a left boot or the desperate fingertips of a keeper's glove. Every move, every touch is life or death, triumph or abject failure. One can probably guess which side of the ledger this clumsy right knee falls on.
If you want to know how Argentina will feel striding out into the Maracanã, the spiritual home of their mortal enemy Brazil, just try carrying a Star Alliance card in these parts.
There's Team Korea's bus, but why isn't Team J00ster's bus here yet?
The tropical city of Salvador sits on the picturesque Atlantic coast in the northeastern corner of the country. But no one is here for the beaches. Ok fine, Mei is. But for the rest of us Salvador's pleasures are merely a filler to pass the time until the epic elimination showdown between Team USA and one of Europe's elegant old guard, the classy Belgians.
As far as fillers go though, this will do nicely. The Bahia region has deep African roots that have flourished since the dark days of slavery were brought to an end. Nowhere is that more apparent than in the rich, seafood-laden cuisine.
It's only the first day, but one thing is already apparent: Brazil loves a good party. As soon as one walks into Posto 12 bar it's pretty obvious the name can only refer to the number of caipirinhas one is expected to imbibe before moving on to... wait for it... Posto 13.
The day before the huge showdown leaves plenty of time to explore Salvador's old town. Meanwhile, Klinsmann is putting the finishing touches on a game plan that, among other things, involves adding Die to the front of the team's name. Because let's face it, Die Mannschaft sounds exactly like what you'd expect a 7-1 annihilation to sound like, whereas USMNT sounds exactly like what you'd expect the sixth most popular sport in a country to sound like. No goalie ever quaked in their boots facing a five letter acronym.
Pretty much the entire old town has been transformed into a rollicking FIFA Fan Fest. There's a sense of anticipation in the air that's usually only felt on the eve of a J00ster Journal post.
Looks like the big coach upstairs has donned the home team's gold and green strip. That will lead to an interesting conversation next Mass, given Pope Francis is right behind Messi's boys.
This is Brazil, so behind that door you'll find either a party or a church.
If you don't have football fever now... you've probably been watching the MLS.
Is it kickoff time yet? Nope. Looks like you'll need to keep reading this blog.
Altidore is still on the bench so it's only a matter of time before that call up from Klinsmann comes in. How hard can it be? Drop, clutch shins, roll around like you've just been disemboweled, accept free kick. Repeat as necessary.
The calm before the storm. U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A is going to echo nicely on these cobbled streets.
Thank goodness for the Watch ESPN app.
Sao Francisco Church is somewhat unassuming on the outside, but just like Tim Howard's Team USA it's what's on the inside that counts. More on that in due course.
You can see the Portuguese heritage in the blue and white ceramic tiles that adorn every wall. Brazil will be hoping that's the only Portuguese heritage that rubs off on them after watching Ronaldo and team bow out prematurely in the group stage after a disastrous campaign.
How much of this treasure would they trade to lift the cup? Don't worry, when you have Hulk on your team what could possibly go wrong?
Salvador is actually the third largest city in Brazil, but you'd never guess it given the laid back vibe. Life is simple in these parts. Head down to the beach. Sip a fresh coconut. Watch another pair of fresh coconuts bouncing around in a bikini.
How do you spell party town?
Favelas get a bad rap. With locations like this the next real estate bubble starts right now. Forget luxury super towers in midtown Manhattan, the real international investment opportunity is right here.
The lighthouse at Farrol da Barra has a more important role than marking hidden rocks: this way to the FIFA Fan Zone.
Nothing unites the world like high fructose corn syrup.
Aren't you a little overdressed for a Brazilian? A string bikini and a set of butt implants is pretty much the official uniform down here.
Sure it's pretty and all, but let's face it, this just means we're one more sleep closer to the epic showdown at Arena Fonte Nova.
Then again, there's worst ways to kill time than a day trip out to some secluded islands off the coast.
On appeal, he'll argue loss of balance.
Sure it's relaxing and all, but darn it, where is the cell phone reception? The day's first quarterfinal is underway and we're in the only part of Brazil that doesn't have a live picture.
Maybe if we get close enough they'll have a wifi signal. Or does anyone remember the semaphore signal for Gooooooooaaaaaaaal?
It was always going to take something special to get the mind off football. A pristine secluded beach, only accessible by boat should do the trick. Especially if it has wifi.
No wifi, but the Skol is ice cold.
Can't watch the highlights? No problem, Rock will create his own. First up, rescuing a miscued kick from the surf before the ball floats back to Salvador.
Surely the big ref upstairs needs earplugs every four years. How many pleas for this penalty to go in or that free kick to be blocked can he take?
Looks like the perfect spot to erect a gigantic TV and Fan Zone.
So this is why the Kiwi team is called the All Whites? Get a tan dude.
The second stop on the boat tour is so remote the only way to get to the beach is to wade through the receding tide.
Sports Illustrated has found the perfect spot for their World Cup Swimsuit Edition shoot.
It's always nice to take a corner kick from the shade of a palm tree.
The beach is nice and all, but it's time to venture into the island's interior in the hopes of picking up a faint cell signal.
So much for that idea, somehow cable internet hasn't made it to these parts yet. Forget running water and sewage, lay that fiber!
Whenever a game is on the whole country becomes a ghost town. You could fly from one end of this vast land to the other and not see a soul.
Apparently this fountain has restorative powers if you drink its waters. That must be what keeps the Giardia and E. Coli going strong.
When the tide is in there's only one way to get to the football pitch.
Aye aye sir, setting course for the Salvador system.
Oh look, it's Tom Hanks waiting for Seal Team 6 to put his audience out of their misery.
Another sunset, tomorrow is game day folks! Although it's apparently already game day over at TwoPhat.
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