Hallelujah, college football has a playoff! In a move that's taken longer to arrive than this J00ster post, the ever altruistic NCAA has finally recognized the opportunity to further enhance the amateur athletic opportunities for student-athletes across this great country. Translation: Here's a juicy opportunity to squeeze even more mega cash out of a few big time conferences via a nifty tax-exempt monopoly setup. What's the difference between a student-athlete and a slave? A hyphen.
But you know what, as soon as the marching band booms out the fight song, once the tailgate grills fire up and the Bud Light flows, as the leaves turn Auburn orange and the air crisp, all will be forgotten. It's college football time! Which channel is the new SEC network on again?
You're a long way from the Awatapu computer lab boys. Who better to lead a guided tour of tech-mad Seattle than New Zealand's finest software export, the one and only Quaggy.
To keep HipsterCoders happy you need (1) fast internet, (2) coffee shops on every corner to deliver caffeine via pour-over, cold-brew, or intravenous delivery systems as required, and (3) an outdoor sculpture garden to allow one to claim the cultural high ground. Because not everyone understands that coding in Python instead of Java already gives you all the cultural cred you need.
Same day shipping is available on this item with Amazon Prime.
Everyone knows Amazon is working on package delivery drones, but did anyone really expect the prototype to be so... big? What they don't know is that it secretly doubles as an FireMech that can be instantly redeployed to the Pacific front against that upstart Alibaba's B2BMechs.
Urban renewal is always easier when you've got Amazon, Microsoft, and Boeing in your backyard. Oh wait, you gave them tax breaks and they thanked you by siphoning all their profits to offshore tax havens.
The dark side of technology, a dehumanized beast consuming the world one cat video at a time.
SLRs from 20 paces at high noon. Although it's hard to tell if it's high noon when the weather is doing its best to join in on the Palmerston North reunion.
The Land of the Long White Amazon Web Services Cloud.
So when they say Big Brother is watching everything you save on the cloud...
Oh look, a list of everyone who hasn't upgrade to Windows 8 yet. Seems to stretch to infinity for some reason.
The Pacific Northwest has flourished into one of the foodie capitals of America, a land of plenty where the rich bounty of the North Pacific meets a vat of boiling water.
Farm-to-table is blasé. It's time to launch the table-to-farm movement. That's where you really get in touch with your dinner by sitting in a pig pen and eating scraps. A tasting menu of hand-curated swill and matching wines is a steal at only $225 a head.
Any fresher and you'd need scuba gear to eat it.
Apparently Seattle ranks in the top five cities in the U.S. by number of cloudy days per year. Oh well, at least the other four have crappy coffee.
Pioneer Square is on the cusp of Hipsterfication. How can you tell? Well there's a bunch of homeless people milling about under that graffiti-covered wall over yonder. Ironic that the best leading indicator of property prices is to follow those without any. But then again, hipsters love their irony.
The underground tour of Seattle takes you down into the spooky depths of a lost city buried beneath the city streets. You might find prehistoric relics down here, like a Time Warner coaxial cable for example.
Home of the Legion of Boom and the Super Bowl XLVIII Champions. They had the snazziest uniforms in the NFL until Commissioner Goodell introduced the wife beater singlet as the league's official apparel.
The Foodie Express zips travelers between Seattle and Portland in less time than it takes to forage an earthy chanterelle in the back woods of the Cascades. Plus it has a low carbon footprint so you don't have to worry about a bunch of hippies getting in your way. That's a big risk in these parts.
Once the Stumptown brand completes its meteoric national expansion the original outlet in Portland will become a lame tourist trap like the original Starbucks in Seattle. In the meantime it's just a lame hipster trap. That's basically a trap for tourists who don't shave.
Game theory says that intelligent, rational decision-makers won't stand in a big queue for a cup of coffee just because everyone else is doing the same. The problem, as Professor Cahan is quick to point out, lies in that pesky assumption of intelligence.
On the rare days when they need more than one gear, hipsters trade in their single-speed bikes for wheels like these. Optional extras include Stumptown coffee cup holders fashioned from recycled wood and a vinyl turntable in lieu a stereo.
Hipsters don't let hipsters change gears.
Where there's a Will there's a way to get some hipster to pay a couple hundred bucks for a reclaimed leather fedora.
The problem with hipsters is they crave authenticity so much they end up chasing a wholly inauthentic shadow of it. This faux-outdoor outfitter is a case in point. How can you scoff at some yuppie and his never-seen-the-mud luxury SUV when your handcrafted suede lumberjack boots will never venture beyond the Blue Bottle Coffee stand at Smorgasburg?
Portland is rightly lauded as the Craft Brewery Capital of America. There might be more microbreweries than coffee shops, which is a remarkable achievement in this coffee-mad corner of the country.
Blue Star donuts presents another vexing conundrum for the game theorists among us. What kind of perverted utility function leads a rational agent to stand in line for an hour for a box of donuts?
Then again, Rock's stomach never did pass the rational agent test.
At least it's a nice day for sitting outside and people watching. There's plenty of people to watch too, it turns out they're all standing in line in front of Rock.
What sugary treasures lurk within?
J00ster - I'm reading about Rock eating a donut three weeks after it actually happened.
It is breakfast time after all, so a bacon-covered donut slathered with maple syrup will go down nicely. Diabetes never looked so appetizing.
Worth the wait? That's like asking if this blog was worth the wait.
In a vain attempt to burn off half a dozen donuts, Team J00ster sets out on a brisk walk in search of a fabled Japanese garden, which may or may not contain Mr. Miyagi-san.
The tranquil setting of a Japanese garden is the perfect place to ponder the deep questions in life: udon or ramen for lunch?
Apparently this garden was rated the most authentic outside of Japan. This blog was rated least authentic outside of The Onion.
How patriotic.
No wonder they're a bunch of greenies out here.
There's actually an occupation out there that involves carefully raking sand into geometric patterns. Like investment banking, you're rewarded for good spin.
Here's one truck stop where you'll want to eat the food. Right in the middle of downtown Portland is a vast parking lot overflowing with food trucks representing every corner of the world. It's like the United Nations, except without the boring speeches and protesters.
Keep Portland Weird they say. If a love of good coffee, great food, and a relaxed outdoor lifestyle is weird then sign me up.
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