Brexit? Is that like when Ashhurst seceded from Palmy to avoid all those pesky regulations, like only allowing one Four Square per street.
The first stop on King Lexington's tour of the Distant Territories is Leeds Castle, on the far eastern seaboard of his kingdom.
Oh look, this chamber pot has a flushing catapult, what arcane magiks are these?
By royal decree each peasant shall henceforth deposit, on the first day of the harvest, one bushel of organic, hand-curated, gluten-free wheat. In exchange his highness grants you a coveted gentrification license.
Daddy is this that Downton Abbey place Mommy was watching? No son, there's a chance something might actually happen here. You know, beyond the scandal of the new butler mistaking the sugar spoon for the jam spoon.
The royal artist seems to be taking a few shortcuts. In that case the executioner will be making a short cut too, around about neck height to be precise.
The falconry display includes a whole cast of avian characters, including this owl who has his eye on a tasty morsel. Nothing marbles beef quite like the American diet.
Speaking of the American diet, here it is with a right proper British twist.
Until the King comes of age, the Regents are tasked with defending the kingdom, negotiating complex treaties, and picking up the pacifier when he drops it.
The time has come to enter the fortress. Stealth is of the essence. But if he doesn't stop crying the catapult will also do the trick.
A loyal knight risks everything by smuggling his highness past the guard beneath his breastplate. The cunning ruse works because everyone expects the American to need a little extra girth in his armor anyway.
Looks like the 200 day siege was well worth it.
Luckily no one will be short of reading materials if the siege goes on. Would a weekly ceasefire while they deliver the Economist be too much to ask?
Where His Royal Highness takes his formula bottle when hosting heads of state from distant lands.
Looks like this Abbey wall needs some work. Let's film an entire episode that revolves around the mundane minutia of fixing it. God Save the BBC!
What dark sorcery is this? An aerial assault on my fortress? Prepare the dragons! What do you mean you lent them to HBO? I don't care how nicely or scantily Daenerys asked, get me my dragons back!
As the summer gloaming descends over the castle peace at last comes to the kingdom. That's right, the little man is taking a nap.
These days the biggest threat in the moat are some cantankerous swans.
Lucky he's not crawling yet, looks like someone left the drawbridge down.
Be careful next time you ask for a king sized bed, definitions have changed.
The coolest thing about Leeds Castle is you can actually stay in the castle. Once the day visitors head home you're free to wander the entire grounds. As close to having a private castle as you can get without being the result of consummating a treaty between Britain and Normandy the old fashioned way.
The Full English Brexit. Because gosh darn it no bureaucrat in Brussels is going to put a quota on how many sausages constitutes a proper feed!
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