Just remember son, if Daddy asks Mommy to leave the room and then says you can eat the doughnut, make sure you feel compelled to write a memo immediately thereafter.
Looks like the DC spin machine is in full swing again.
Baogate, a sordid scandal of misappropriated baos grips the Washington elite. One minute they were there, then they weren't. The trail of dribbled soy sauce could lead all the way up K Street, perhaps even to the Oval Office itself.
The Secret Service refuses to divulge the route the Baocade will take, but the leakers have struck again!
Hotel Hive is buzzing with a hip crowd that leans so far MSNBC that they're in the running for Jeremy Corbyn's shadow cabinet.
In the Meatpacking District, conservative means your little black dress is slightly larger than a cocktail napkin. Apparently around here it means something different.
The Watergate Hotel across the street looks like a throwback to, well, the 1970s. If you're going to commit scandalous acts like ordering a Bud Light instead of an organic Impeachable IPA you might as well do it somewhere hip.
Better raise the debt ceiling or you'll have starving alpacas going viral before you know it.
Careful son, the KGB was known to train sea lions as counter-submarine operatives.
That looks a bit like a mushroom cloud. We'll assume he's talking about some foraged farm-to-table fungi instead.
Luckily they got NORAD to help them build the 24/7 panda mission control. Nothing annoys a rival superpower like forgetting their panda's mid-morning bamboo snack.
If I'm the King of Beasts, why is there a crowd five deep trying to catch a glimpse of those stupid furry bamboo guzzlers?
Four score and seven years ago, I tweeted something that went viral.
At least you won't have to worry about waking him up for the proverbial 4am phone call. He'll already be up tweeting.
The swamp doesn't seem to be draining yet, anyone seen the Drano?
Le Diplomate's claim to fame is that more Meet the Press guests have been spotted here than any other DC establishment. It turns out it's Sunday today, and If It's Sunday, It's Meet the Press.
The National Aquarium in Baltimore boasts architecture that's almost as impressive as the specimens housed within. A zigzagging lattice of moving sidewalks carry visitors through a hanging collection of habitats all arranging around a central atrium that houses a massive reef.
When the fish is longer than you son you may want to throw it back in.
The rainforest exhibit offers a sneak preview of the eastern seaboard circa 2150. Or, for climate change deniers, a chance to test the waterproofing on the MAGA hat.
They swim upside down because they're Australian son.
Any specimens from Big Bay here Daddy? Why yes son, I believe I saw a garage out back where they store the janitorial gear.
Another harbor succumbs to gentrification. Forget Trump, even without him world trade will grind to a halt because all the shipping containers are being used for pop-up hipster markets.
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