Friday, October 27, 2017

Hickster City, MO

You're not in Kansas any more Dorothy. Well yes. First, because Kansas City (mostly) isn't in Kansas. And second, because Heartland cities like Kansas City have come a long way from their tractors and hillbillies days.


These days hicksters husk organic, hand-harvested corn and stock the old grain elevators with micro-batches of single-origin coffees beans.



When faced with a wide open road you need some American muscle to back you up. Too bad Ryan got his upper body strength from Dad.


I thought Detroit's revival was all about reclaiming American values? We're not going to Make America Great Again by importing models from the Shanghai Auto Show.


Great Grandpa is just the man to show Ryan the correct way to grease a John Deere.


Seems the hickster revolutionaries still have some work to do before claiming total victory, the towering bastions of suburbia aren't going down without a fight. This siege may take a while, they're holed up in there with unlimited bread sticks.


Sorry kids, I know the Marriott Overland Park doesn't come with the reclaimed mid-century modern furnishings, clandestine basement speakeasy, and afternoon cold brew tasting that you're used to, but can I offer you a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte from the Starbucks in the lobby? It pairs nicely with the featureless freeway and office park out the front door.



Welcome home! The Kansan is the appropriate choice for someone who's been away from the corn fields way too long. Watch out Lawrence, your second most-clicked travel blogger is back in the hood. In fact your first most-clicked travel blogger is too, that's gotta make this the biggest homecoming since Dorothy realized the yellow brick road was all just a figment of a Trumped up infrastructure plan.


Daddy, daddy, can we go to KU? Yes kids, because picking your school based on the frothiness of their chocolate milk is as good as any of those other arbitrary rankings.



The Jayhawks pep squad is getting ready for a long afternoon: looks like Texas Tech is in town.


If this is the best O-line Hawks country can come up with you can kind of see how Texas Tech is already up three touchdowns.




Dad, how about we take some of that rock chalk and draw up some you know, like, winning plays?


At least from up here you can't see the numbers on the scoreboard. Got to hand it to Lawrence though, if you're going to get annihilated you might as well do it on a cracker of an autumn day.



Let's go find some swag, preferable from the basketball section not the football section.


The hicksters strike again, spreading fear deep into redneck territory by annexing a gas station, the  very lifeblood of the Olive Gardeners, and converting it into a craft beer garden and burger joint.



Back in Kansas City, even the nondescript strip malls aren't safe from maundering hipsters on the prowl for caffeine that doesn't come in faux-Italian sizes.



Let's raise a glass to the revitalization of America's heartland, one organic blueberry smoothie at a time.



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