Peru Part Ono: In the beginning there was Lima

This tale starts a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. And at the rate Rock writes, it will also take a long time to finish. But, dear readers, now that the requisite Star Wars quote is out of the way, let me take you back to a more innocent age, before the dark times, before dodgy alpaca steaks and dodgier holes in the ground.

What follows is the epic chronicles of 14 days in Peru. From towering snow-capped volcanoes to desolate wind-swept deserts; from soaring mountain passes to plunging canyons; from one pizza joint to the next; this is the heroic story of team j00ster triumphing over the raging forces of natur... well, surving long enough to stagger onto the flight home anyway.

Much like Lord of the Rings, this story starts in more idyllic settings - in this case the pleasant Lima suburb of Chorrillos, with it's panoramic views of the city and surrounds. Also like Lord of the Rings, this story features short people.




Thanks to Mariaelena for her expert tour guide services. There's nothing like having a local to make sure your guinea pig is grilled to perfection.

In this blog, you will see churches. Lots of churches. You will also see Mei posing in front of churches. Lots of churches. It seems the Conquistadors brought churches and smallpox virii in approximately equal numbers. Fortunately the former leads to somewhat more picturesque photo ops.

The royal palace in the center of colonial Lima. Unlike the popular image of South American countries, there wasn't a coup or three playing out as we wandered by. Which is a shame, because in the best tabloid tradition the J00ster Journal loves a good coup. But if you look closely, you can see Michael Jackson's secret UFO above the flag.

The changing of the guard. There sure is a lot of pomp and ceremony. Makes you wonder whether they have an abbreviated version to use in actual war zones. Or perhaps it's a case of: excuse me good sirs over there in the enemy trenches, would you mind terribly holding fire until the top hour so that we can polish our weaponry and don our Sunday finest for a bit of a parade?

But apologies, I digress, it's a bit of a slow news day on the ol' J00ster you see - turns out that was a speck of dust on the lens, not a moonwalking UFO.

More from the colonial past. And more from the touristy future.

Milton Bradley could never work out why the Where in the World are Rock and Mei board game never took off. It had all the elements for a best seller. The sexy heroine. The bumbling oaf. The humorously recurring food motif. But alas, it was just too easy. Yes, you win. It's Chinatown. Again. Sigh. How ever did you guess?

This is Barranco, a quaint seaside suburb of Lima. Wikipedia calls it the city's most important romantic and bohemian district. Regurgitating Wikipedia has filled up enough space and saved Rock the embarrasment of explaining his latest pose.

Pisco Sour! The national drink of Peru. Needless to say, this is Rock's glass. Mei's never stayed full long enough to complete the gruelling photo shoot.

The fellowship is formed! There was a grizzled ranger, the veteran of many a 2am Luton flight; there was a meticulous organizer, groaning at the pack of greenhorns under her charge; there was a cynical student, sure the world would end before he'd see someone else carry his pack; there was a visitor from a distant cloudy land, in pursuit of adventure, and jungles, and ruins... and hot chicks. And like I said, there were some short people.

They came from afar with a common goal. That goal, at this naive point in time, was something a good deal loftier than mere survival. Pity them, dear readers, they know not what is to come.

Thus ends the prelude. Check back in a year or two and Rock might have got round to embellishing the rest of this tale.