And two points if you knew that Croatia was a country. Unless you're American, in which case we'll give a pity point for knowing where Europe is. A quarter of a century ago, the map of Europe was a lot simpler. Some would say life was a lot simpler too. To the west, you had the good guys, and to the east you had the commies. In the west, you bought your food at a supermarket before heading back to your house in the leafy burbs. In the east you lined up for eight hours for your weekly ration of stale bread and then trudged back to you decrepit Soviet collective. And instead of a confusing array of Former-This and Former-That countries vying for attention around the Adriatic, you just had Yugoslavia. They even put a nice pointy commie star smack bang in the middle of their flag, just in case there was any doubt whether they should be on G.I. Joe's hit list. Like I said, simple.
But that was then. This is now. In the west you line up for eight hours at your local job center before grinding your way home through gridlocked traffic on your last five bucks of gas, to your house that's only one more bill away from foreclosure. In the east you sip a frothy cappuccino at the local cafe before hopping on a gleaming new electric tram that whisks you back home to your eco-friendly loft in a converted warehouse down by the river. But I digress. The world's problems can wait. If you wanted intellectual discourse and witty cartoons you'd read the Economist. You came to J00ster for gutter journalism and cheap jokes. It's like a Big Mac after a night on the town; as soon as you finish it you know you shouldn't have, but boy was it good while it lasted. So, for three points, the capital of Croatia is Zagreb, and as far as capitals go, it's one of the best. The gritty residue of industrialized socialism has bloomed into a vibrant mix of outdoor cafes, and funky galleries.
One of the first things you notice is that Croatians are tall. Really tall. It's like standing in the paint on an NBA court, or walking the runway behind an Adriatic supermodel, depending on which side you're ogling for. Either way, you spend a lot of time looking up. It also explains why Mei only needs one third of the clearance of this arch.
Old town streets weren't designed for cars. The best way around town is also the hip way around town. Be seen and be green folks.
Some famous dude from back when a Five Year Plan was what you did outside a fortified city when the enemy was showing no inclination of coming out any time soon.
Bar hopping the way it was meant to be done, on two wheels. Complete with convenient six pack basket in case you get thirsty on the way.
Like most European cities, churches outnumber everything except cafes. Zagreb in particular has a rich religious history, with a skyline shared by the Gothic spires of Catholic cathedrals and the bulbous domes favored by Serbian Orthodox.
The main bar strip is the place to be as the sun goes down. While half the city has fled the heat of August for the azure waters of the Adriatic, the other half makes their way here to find other ways to beat the heat.
A traffic jam, European style. Out here, the battle is to secure a prime street front table.
Beyond the main drag, the alleyways of the old town beckon; what mysterious treasures lie beyond the veil of encroaching darkness? Unfortunately, after 17 hours in transit, a comfy bed also beckons. Mystery and poetry will have to wait folks. For the latter, it could be a long wait indeed.
Luckily the hyper-modern trams are still old school enough to have a driver, whose main job is to keep an eye out for those who have indulged in one too many Ožujskos. And also for those tourists whose idea of the perfect shot involves learning to say "but doc, do you really need to amputate?" in Croatian.
According to the guide book Croatians are early risers. Which is a refreshing change from certain other southern European neighbors, whose main motivation for getting up is to wander to the mailbox to see if those useful Germans have sent through the next bailout check yet. Nope. Oh that's right, the postal workers are on strike today.
Zagreb may have a fantastic old city (more on that in a moment), but that doesn't mean it's trapped in the past. On the contrary, the city does a great job of blending in contemporary architecture without losing the olde world charm. Of course, Mei is more interested in blending a few of those fine gelato flavors from the cafe across the square.
All those lean mean lycra-clad machines you see in the Tour de France every year have to start their careers somewhere. Especially now that they can't start them in a "doctor's office" that just so happens to consult out of the back of a car.
Zagreb is the starting point for a challenging stage to Ljubljana, part of one of Europe's lesser know tours. By lesser known we mean Rock's cursory attempt at Googling the actual name failed.
Ok team, let's talk strategy. When we come to the McDonalds on the main road, you zip through the drive thru and grab the drinks while I pocket the burgers. And make sure you radio the team car to secure the fries.
Remember when everyone in China rode bikes? Yeah, that was back before there was a sucker in a blue Toyota Corolla on call.
Thank goodness lycra and Rock don't mix.
Let's see, this one's tricky, better fire up Google Translate.
Before the Champs Elysees there is the Savska Cesta. Hey don't laugh, it's still better than Fitzherbert Avenue on a freezing winter morning.
Those Italians sure do know how to do fashion. When your legs are screaming in agony at the 150km marker, at least they'll still look good. Insert Rock's latest juvenile comment about lycra and shaved legs here. 
The best thing about declaring independence must be getting to design a new flag. Plus, it usually means an extra holiday on future iterations of the auspicious day.
Ok, it's not a completely car free utopia by any means, but if Rock had to parallel park on this street, he'd switch to pedals too.
Apparently that's the botanic gardens behind that fence. When you live next door to Central Park, visiting mere Not-So-Central Parks is not terribly high on the agenda.
The Dolac Market, where everything changes hand except, thank goodness, convoluted financial instruments. Unless those stairs lead to the sunflower futures pit perhaps?
When you're a coastal nation, like Croatia is, fish is always going to be high on the menu. In fact, it's the only thing on the menu at this hole in the wall cafe just off the market square. That suits Mei just fine.
The upper old town is where the real architectural treasure are, including the focal point of the city, a towering Gothic cathedral. It's also where all the tourists are. Funny that.
Just in case you prefer your worship experience in less grandiose surroundings, there are plenty of options for everyone.
A useful reminder that being stuck in an economy class seat is not really so bad.
A Mei-sized church is the last thing you'd expect to find in the land of 6 foot Romanesque goddesses. 
J00ster always knows how to spoil a good view. And a good internet...
And the award for most patriotic roof goes to...
In Europe there are a lot of spectacular churches, so standing out requires taking things to the next level. Gotta give credit to the dude who foresaw a Google Earth opportunity 700 years before it was invented. 
The high walls of the old town are conveniently orientated to allow the easy dumping of burning oils onto the unfortunate souls below.
Speaking of burning oil, do I spy a megaphone-toting tour group approaching over yonder?
Like in many European cities, youth unemployment is unfortunately quite high. Which must explain why there are so many artists about. Same thing, right?
Man, this sit around in cafes and do nothing lifestyle grows on you pretty quick. Now just kick back, relax, and wait for that EU membership card.
Nikola Telsa. Finally, a chance to use that physics degree for something other than filling up an extra line on my LinkedIn profile, by regaling you with the details of his many contributions to science. Uhm, let's see... well... oh yeah, didn't he design those coils in Command and Conquer: Red Alert?
Since Rock isn't driving this trip, we'll assume this battle damage is left over from the struggle for independence. 
There's that church again. It's almost like there's nothing else to see.
1841? So much for 700 years old!
When you're meeting someone in Zagreb, you're meeting them in Ban Jelačić Square. On the old side of town all roads lead here, and on the new side all tram lines converge here. Which, given Rock's navigational prowess, means there's a lot more photos where this one came from.
Get a room you two, or should I say a parlor?
Sure beats elbowing your way into the packed 5 train at Wall St. 
How do those Croatian babes stay so thin when there's five ice cream shops per block? Good genes. And the fact there's no western fast food here yet probably doesn't hurt either.
Mei gets some tips for her next trip back from Whole Foods. See, I told you there's no need to waste money on a cab.
Last night of bar hopping in cosmopolitan Zagreb before hitting the dusty road bright and early. Of course, it's hard to bar hop when you're one and done like Rock.
The local brew is cheaper than Coke. Actually, it's cheaper than water too. In fact, it's pretty much the cheapest thing you can buy here. Which must be why Rock is loading up.
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