Adriatic Adventures Part 5: Strutting on the Stradun

Remember that ferry we mentioned? Yeah, well it looks all nice and shiny on the outside...

...and the first hour or so is pleasant enough...

...but once Hvar fades into the distance, that clock starts to move mighty slowly. Twelve hours on a boat sounds romantic. And it is, if the boat is, say, the Queen Mary II. On the other hand, if the boat is a relic from the Tito era...

...then you should count yourself lucky that at least they have a coffee bar cranking out serviceable cappuccinos, albeit out of something that resembles a retired soviet tank, minus the cool red star.

Luckily, 12 hours on the open sea passes a lot quicker on a blog - especially one where the author is only doing the bare minimum to fill those white spaces between photos. On the subject of boats, we seem to have picked the wrong one. Just like you picked the wrong reading material. Perhaps you were looking for News of the World?

Welcome to Dubrovnik folks. It may be the tourist capital of Croatia, but tourist capitals usually get that way for a reason. Yeah, Ryanair starts flying there. Or they offer spreads like this.

First sighting of the great city walls. Sure, you can't see them from space, but hey, it's not like we can afford a space program anymore, so who's checking?

A glorious late summer day on the Adriatic. The water is so calm it's just asking for a bit of kayaking.

Which will come in due course, since Mei is just asking for a bit of breaky. Of course, whether it will give her enough energy to contribute on the paddling front is a different story.

Team J00ster, you are cleared for takeoff.

After a good two hours paddling for Rock, and an even better two minutes of paddling for Mei, it's time for a pit stop at a secluded cave. Lunch and a bit of snorkeling to cool off, it doesn't get any better than this.

But wait, it does! Hang on, if he's really Mr. Croatia 2011, how come he doesn't have a posse of beach babes to lavish him with sunblock?

Perhaps the full frontal assault wasn't the greatest plan after all. Those walls look quite thick, and seem to be bristling with cannons. And anyway, the last photo had enough full frontal to last quite a while.

The engine room of the operation.

Somehow I don't think those nails belong to someone in steerage class. On the plus side, that didn't stop Leo from getting some pre-iceberg action. On the negative side, there's no steamed up car in the hold of this ship.

Back on dry land. Remarkably with the camera intact.

Jedan dva tri. The real question is, do you really have time to copy it into Google Translate? Let's face it, if you're reading this blog, we all know the answer.

Things were going nicely until they swapped models.

That's more like it. For a minute there it was looking like those Croatian swim shorts were making a comeback. 

Stradun, the legendary main street. Think of it as 5th Avenue and Champs-Élysées rolled into one. White marble gleaming under the blazing Mediterranean sun. Beautiful people strutting their stuff. Unbeautiful people taking photos and then writing about said photos.

Once off the Stradun, no one can see how short you are compared to Croatians.

This looks suspiciously like a breach in the impregnable fortress walls. It's almost like they want to let the tourists in or something.

When it comes to dishing out the coveted Best Bar in the World award... you wouldn't let Rock be the judge. But let's say you humor him for a minute. In that case, this has got to be right up there with an ice cold Lhasa Beer at Everest Base Camp, only here the ice is limited to the glass, not the exposed extremities. 

The only way to reach the bar is to scramble through an almost hidden tunnel lurking at the base of a nondescript section of the wall. Once you get out, you're not going to be heading back in a hurry.

If it was any other city, this outrage could not go unpunished. But for Dubrovnik we'll let it slip.

Remarkably, the fountain is still functional. Must be a requirement of UNESCO status that you supply your tourists with old world concepts like actually filling up your water bottle instead of buying a new one.

The highlight of Dubrovnik, regardless of which guide book you read, or blog for that matter, is the 2km hike along the top of the mighty walls.

You can't by a frame like this at Ikea. Actually you can, it's called a JÖOSTER.

For over a century Dubrovnik was a haughty city-state, fiercely independent and a rival to the mighty Venice to the west. These days it's a no contest; Dubrovnik isn't sinking.

Like most things in this country, this was designed for tall people.

No need for words here. Lucky you.

Looks like the super yachts heard Rock was in town and headed for cooler climes.

That also must explain why he's got the wall to himself. Or maybe it was just the fact that everyone else heeded the sage advice of just about every guide book: don't climb the walls in the middle of the hottest part of the day.

UNESCO status is earned the hard way, one red clay tile at a time.

Are you sure you're really here to defend the walls? 

Oh that's right, you perfected your aim on Angry Birds.

Is that Bono? No, can't be, he's too busy selling stuff on iTunes.

Congratulations Dubrovnik, you've earned the right to be mentioned in the same breath as New York.

Rock is tempted, sorely tempted, to buy that New York t-shirt.Oh come on, who are we kidding, he's way too cheap. He won't even buy the real thing when they're 10 for 10 bucks on Canal St.

Is anyone else feeling a bit peckish? Hell yeah, writing this blog is hungry work.

That's more like it. A huge tray of mussels for 10 bucks? Is this a great city, or is this a great city?

When the sun goes down, it's party time. That's Rock's cue to head for bed.

That's a wrap folks. Five down, one to go. That's one blog post for each reader, plus a bonus round.