The only good thing about New Jersey is that it has a reasonably efficient airport, which allows one to get out of the state as quickly as possible. Next stop, two epic weeks in the wild mountains of Sichuan, where the pandas are cuddly and the hot pot is, well, hot.
But before we get to the main course, there's the obligatory stop in the city that is know as the Chicago of the East or, to paint a more vivid picture for readers of this blog, the Palmerston North of the East. Yes, we mean you Wuhan. Despite a population in excess of 10 million, there's just not a heck of a lot to see or do. Other than eat of course, more on that in a moment.
Once you go flat, you'll never go back. Unless of course you run out of airpoints, in which case it's right back to the middle seat, row 43.
Beijing Capital International Airport is a stunning example of what infinite money can buy. Quite a contrast to the Port Authority, which can barely afford the plastic buckets needed to catch all the leaks from LaGuardia T2's roof.
Nothing says welcome home like Mama Zhu's legendary eggplant. Matched only by Rock's legendary appetite for eggplant.
Did we mention Wuhan doesn't have all that many tourist attractions? You know those livability indexes that are inevitably topped by cities so mind-numbingly boring that their vaunted affordable housing, spacious roads, and wide open spaces are the direct result of everyone cool heading elsewhere? Well Wuhan would score well on one of those. Which is why the public sculptures focus on what it does have going for it: the humble bowl of noodles.
That's right, noodles. More specifically, the rather literally named Hot Dry Noodles. They're so famous they have their own Wikipedia page, to go along with the aforementioned sculpture.
And they're not hard to find. Just follow your nose and chances are you'll stumble across a dilapidated hole-in-the-wall around the corner, serving up the best steaming bowl of noodles you'll ever eat. When you see a constant stream of cab drivers lining up to finish their shift on a hot dry note, you know you've hit the jackpot.
Continuing the Tour de Eating, next stop is the New World eating street, which is something of an irony since the New World is in fact designed to look exactly like the Old World. That's what happens when your government's insatiable appetite for land revenues sees it knock down the ancient streets so it can sell the land to build replicas of the ancient streets. Which chapter in Marx was that again?
Perched on two rivers and a lake, Wuhan has an abundance of freshwater seafood. Although that abundance has been seriously dented with Team J00ster in town.
Hubei style!
By the way, did we mention Wuhan has good eats?
Old and New. Or is that New Old and New?
Look familiar? Yes, despite the fact there's about a million noodle joints in Wuhan, there's only one that delivers that perfect combination of hot and dry.
Best 50 cents you'll ever spend.
Best 30 cents you'll ever spend.
It's only been a couple years since the last visit, but as usual the skyline is almost unrecognizable. Buildings pop up here faster than noodle shops.
But there's only so many noodles one can eat - even of the hot and dry variety - so it's time to head west for the jagged mountains and lush bamboo forests of Sichuan. Bring on those chili peppers.
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