The grandeur of Ephesus was once lauded in every corner of the known world. Founded by the Greeks and then elevated to even greater heights by the Romans, she was the site of one of the fabled Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, the mighty Temple of Artemis. Now that she's appeared in the J00ster Journal, her glory will once again be exalted to the very ends of the earth. Or at least to the darkest corners of the internet, wedged somewhere between a sketchy bitcoin exchange and the shadowy suburbs of Silk Road.
The Romans loved their blood sport. Too bad their empire imploded before they got the chance to catch the Rangers and Bruins at the Garden, would have been right up their alley.
With vigilant sentries like these those conniving Trojans have got no chance of infiltrating the palace. Unless of course it's Helen of Troy, she's welcome any time. Or if she's too busy starting a world war, Diane Kruger is more than welcome to fill in. She's done it before.
Look who struck out again. They don't call them the Three Amigos for nothing.
Nike, the goddess of victory, is better know for pioneering the neon-blur west coast spread offense.
Probably says No Parking at Any Time.
The Fifth Avenue of the ancient world. Those pillars must be all that's left of the Apple store. Darn it, I was hoping to stumble across Archimedes at the Genius Bar.
The magnificent façade of the Library of Celsus. That Lonely Planet Turkey scroll you checked out in 125 A.D. is probably a tad overdue.
The Greeks knew how to use perspective in their architecture to make things look taller. They're not the only ones.
Has anyone seen my library card? Ruins for Dummies is finally on the shelf.
The only possible explanation for such a display of ineptitude has something to do with the fact Ephesus in Turkish is called Efes, which also happens to be the name of the national beer. Next up, a toga party.
The quaint mountain village of Sirence is perched in the shady mountains above Ephesus, a perfect retreat from the blazing sun in the valley.
Just like Brooklyn it's all about farm-to-table. Unlike Brooklyn you can enjoy it without the pretension of a wannabe lumberjack, who's clearly expecting some kind of flash flood from the Gowanus canal given the length of his pants, expounding on the upstate lineage of your kale salad.
Spring is in the air. Who cares, here come the kebabs.
One gets the feeling folks have a lot of time on their hands up here. There's a lot of flowers and not a lot of wifi.
This is cutting edge technology out here in the mountains of central Turkey. Don't laugh, have you been through a Port Authority operated airport recently?
Nothing picks up the ladies like a hot rod.
It's not all that clear why they bother printing menus in Turkey. Beef, chicken, or lamb. It's that simple. Just the way the Amigos like it.
Pamukkale is as unique a place as you'll find in this wide world. Part Roman ruins, part mineral baths, and part travertine terraces, this place has first mover advantage on the whole fusion thing.
These Romans left quite a mess behind. Didn't anyone teach them to pick up their columns after themselves? Rock's used to it though, it's what the apartment looks like every time he comes home from a work trip.
So which net will Lundqvist be starting in? Regardless of the century, Rock is destined to be stuck in the nosebleed seats.
Back in the day the restorative waters of Pamukkale drew celebrities from all across the mighty empire. Mei's only missed her spa appointment by a couple thousand years.
All that remains of the once thriving resort city of Hierapolis... is a thriving resort city. Only now the Four Seasons is at the bottom of the hill instead of the top.
To think this spa once had a 4.5 rating on TripAdvisor.
That guy looks like he needs a good mud bath. And don't forget, togas are optional in there. Better hope it's thick mud.
On the eve of Anzac Day a poignant reminder that not all who landed on these shores from far off lands did so in the comfort of a Turkish Airlines 777. Lest we Forget.
What did you call a jetsetter before they invented jets? Wagonsetter doesn't have the same ring to it. Sounds sort of like a dude who aligns wagon wheels for a living.
When in Rome, swim on their columns.
So this is where the Atlantis myth started?
Someone call Greenpeace, looks like we've got another beached one.
Don't tell UNESCO, but they let you walk on the terraces here. Somehow I'm not sure they was mentioned in their World Heritage application.
"I don't often walk on terraces, but when I do, I prefer Pamukkale."
So you see honey, you don't have to spend a hundred bucks to get someone to rub mud on your feet.
Coming from a land where boardwalks and national parks are practically synonymous, this whole becoming one with nature thing is taking a bit of getting used to.
In Devan's immortal words: Dude, a little decorum please!
Who ordered the mixed kebab again?
There's something wrong when U.S. airlines can't even manage to have seatback TVs or peanuts whereas a $20 long distance bus ticket in the wilds of Turkey gets you brand new touchscreens, wifi, and wait for it, a cheerful bus attendant who actually serves food and drinks. Who's the emerging market again?
Four hours passes pretty fast on a bus like that. Which brings us to the last stop, the ancient Mediterranean port of Antalya. But that's a tale for another day. Or week at the rate this thing is going.
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