Porto Tonic Part 5: Fortified Port

So fellows, what's the plan for today? Well son, I've mapped out another run at the eggs and granola. After that we'll pretty much wing it.

Mommy, Daddy said in Europe it's ok to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Pena Palace was once the summer retreat for the Portuguese royal family. Kind of like the Hamptons, except even the crown jewels won't get you into the Eleven Madison Park pop-up in Amagansett.

Oh come on, the dungeon can't be any worse than when Mommy dumps me in the crib at nap time.

So last time Daddy was here your Uncle Casey was about your size. Same cool hairdo too.

For those castle purists who find the gaudy towers of Pena a bit too Cinderella, the crumbling ramparts of the Moorish castle on the adjacent mountaintop offers crossbow bolts through the sternum with no FastPass required.

We may be bankrupt and 40% unemployed but try to foreclose on our castle at your own peril.

"The people of Rohan will need you. The diaper has to hold."  "It will hold."  It better kiddo, it's the last one we've got.

Daddy, is that the Well of Souls down there? Sorry son, these days it's all done CGI.

The mystical gardens of Quinta da Regaleira are what you get when a millionaire Viscountess is between seasons of the Real Housewives of Lisboa.  Why settle for a mere water feature when you can have a mysterious Initiation Well complete with spiral staircase. Better than geraniums anyway.

Daddy, you said we'd find Gollum down here. Yeah I also said Mommy would let you stay up late last night.

Daddy, when will my arm be long enough to take selfies? Dunno kid, your Mom never made it to that stage.

Hang in there, in theory nap time is approaching. Oh wait, wrong time zone. Sorry.

The best way to conquor the wooded hills of Sintra is by tuk tuk. It comes with the added bonus that the tuk tuk spotting game will keep him entertained for at least an hour afterwards.

Which way to the beach? No, it's the other way. That's the way Daddy went when he took the wrong exit at the roundabout.

Daddy, is this one of those European beaches where the Mommies only wear their diapers?

The great irony of the street artist: in their rage against the system they unwittingly become the vassals of gentrification. Hate to break it to you, but that hammer and sickle you just painted has already been appropriated by a bourgeois coffee roaster. What would Marx say now?

Coolest bar of the trip, the rustic Taberna Clandestino.

Daddy, when you've got 60 percent youth unemployment this is what you do all day, sit on the curb and stir up trouble.

Felicidades!

Chick magnet already.  Certainly didn't get that from Dad. Maybe he's destined to be more than a Blogger with five readers.

Daddy, I thought selfie was singular?

Dad I like this new bedtime routine. Much better than reading about llamas in incongruous red pajamas.