Every year, when the leaves start to turn and there's a chill in the air, Team J00ster heads off to warmer climes to soak up the greatest spectacle in sports: college gameday in the American heartland. This year's destination is the storied Red River Rivalry, played annually between bitter enemies Texas and Oklahoma on the neutral gridiron of the Dallas Cotton Bowl. No less an authority than Wikipedia names it "one of the greatest rivalries in all of American sports". No less an authority than Mei Zhu names it "just another boring football game".
Texas fight! Beat OU! Bring those Sooners on! Poor souls, with the benefit of hindsight, be careful what you wish for.
Will someone load a Photoshop filter and get Rach out of that OU garb? If that dress is burnt orange than this blog is a Pulitzer winner.
The Longhorns will crush those Sooners just like a double-wheeled John Deere crushes Obama-Biden yard signs on its way to the local gun show.
For a vehicle decked out in burnt orange, this is rather un-Texan. If it doesn't single-handedly pump out enough CO2 to raise world temperatures by at least a degree, than it has no place on Texan roads.
Step right up ya'll! Only 10 coupons for a deep fried heart attack.
How'd you get into Texas? How come you haven't self deported yet?
Nothing scares the sorority girls away like this offensive line.
Alas, this would prove to be Texas' longest drive of the day. The only way they can convert on 4th and long is when they have a police escort to clear the way for them.
The Eyes of Texas are going to need a blindfold shortly if they're going to avoid witnessing one of the most humiliating debacles of the Longhorn's proud history.
You can always tell when a blue stater is trying to sneak in, just check their hat. Once you've finished that Great Wall of Mexico you might want to fortify the other borders too, lest those MSNBC-watching, small soda-drinking liberals find a way in to your hickory-smoked utopia.
At least the band can hold their heads high. Nothing gets the blood pumping like Texas Fight!
The Sooner Schooner is about to run over the Horns like that Closet Commie crushed that Massachusetts Moderate.
In hindsight Rach was wise to wear a dress that can... uhm... swing both ways. That way she can join the winner's circle afterwards instead of slinking out of the stadium like the rest of the distraught Horns fans.
Stay strong my friends. When the offense gets too painful to watch, check out the cheerleaders.
Seriously, still no self deportation?
If only the Texan defense showed similar coordination.
Calling this a rivalry is like calling a Mitt Romney a conservative. Believe it or not, if the score had stayed at 0-0 it would have been a great outcome for Texas.
By the end of the first quarter most the orange will have transmuted into grey... the color of empty seats.
Regrettably big flags do not translate into big plays.
Final score 63-21 to the Sooners. Time to go find a bar to drown the sorrow.
This is what happens after you find a bar (or three) to drown the sorrow...
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