Today's agenda: A mad scramble across half the Sichuan province. The end game: an audience with the big dude himself. Assuming of course one doesn't take a shortcut to see him by plunging off of one of those nasty hairpin bends into a raging mountain river.
Waking up in a Tibetan village is a good way to prepare for congress with the enlightened one. There's a peaceful spirituality in the simple Tibetan way of life, notwithstanding Beijing's rather dim view about such primitive things.
Here's hoping there's something other than yak butter tea for breaky.
First stop of the day is the Songpan Old Town, which is - in case the usual literal Chinese name didn't give it away - an old town. You don't say?
First challenge of the day is getting in the gate. If you saw this shifty character outside your front door, would you lower the drawbridge? Lock up your hot pots folks and prepare for siege.
Fortunately this is China so there's no need to face a hail of arrows. A fistful of yuan is all the shield one needs to pass by the guards who look like they're straight out of Mei's favorite prime time CCTV5 line up.
We're clearly on the right path, nothing says show me the enlightenment like rollicking around on one leg.
So this is what China looked like before there was a Porsche on every corner and a Louis Vuitton in every hand?
Red lanterns are an auspicious sight. Usually underneath one can find roast gooses and hot pots.
If you're looking for enlightenment, follow these blokes. It seems in addition to standard issue red robes and a walking stick, iPhones are also part of the kit now. Must be for the iBuddha app.
China's incredible modernization is one of the great achievements of the last century, lifting millions out of poverty and millions more into a comfortable middle class. But progress always comes at a cost; quaint scenes like these are few and far between these days.
Out here Whole Foods means the pork comes with hoofs, snout, and ears still attached.
Pop-up farm-to-table restaurants are all the rage right now.
Looks like Fresh Direct is expanding into emerging markets.
Nothing shows civic pride like installing a totally superfluous roof on your bridge.
That's got to be a sign the pilgrimage is on the right track.
No time for hot pot today, time to hit the road for the next destination: Zhaga Falls, the highest travertine waterfall in China.
Not to nitpick, but I think technically your hands and feet are supposed to be inscribed on the circle. Guess you're a bit shorter than the Renaissance ideal.
The plunging water forms a 100m high veil of lacy white over the brilliant yellow travertine formation. If Rock would get out of the way you could actually see it.
There's no time to stop and enjoy the scenery, there's a flight to catch and racing the clock around those hairpin turns is probably about as smart as mentioning Tiananmen Square over dinner.
Fortunately China proves adept at copying another unique piece of Americana: the delayed flight. There's even time for a bowl of noodles before boarding.
Jiuzhai Huanglong Airport sits at almost 3,500 meters above sea level on a rocky outcrop that represents the only stretch of land for miles flat enough to accommodate the runway.
That's not a very big target to aim at. Lucky we're taking off.
The flight to the regional hub of Chengdu is only 40 minutes, but what a 40 minutes it is. In an age where air travel has degenerated into a miasma of endless delays, excruciating middle seats, and sorry-the-bins-are-full, it's nice to be reminded that there's still a little magic to be found at 35,000 feet.
Unfortunately that magic quickly evaporates at 0 feet. This is the dark side of 8 percent GDP growth.
But hey, no one said the path to enlightenment was easy. It doesn't get any tougher than having to subsist on a bucket on airport instant noodles to keep on schedule, when even the humble street side stalls offer up morsels that would trigger a three hour line at Smorgasbord. Time to see if the sacrifice is worth it.
The best way to visit the big dude is by water apparently. They'll find out why soon enough.
And suddenly from around a bend in the river he emerges, the legendary Giant Buddha of Leshan. The long journey to enlightenment is complete. Although there is still the small matter of avoiding reincarnation as a gnat.
Let's put the size in perspective. This big fellow has been indulging in more than a few hot pots.
In a land where grandiose is the default size, the Giant Buddha of Leshan takes things to a whole new level. It's like going into Starbucks and realizing the Venti you thought was big is a mere thimble next to the Trenta.
Who's been inspired to gigantification? It's like reincarnation, in that you are unrecognizable afterwards, particularly to your scale.
Time for another angle on the big dude, this time from the land side. Which is lucky, because the usual hazy smog has settled in, meaning those on the boats are going to be lucky to see a big toe.
The hike up the mountain behind the giant is a scenic one, with plenty of bamboo and pagodas to get one in a suitably zen mood.
Finally, a Rock without snarky comments about Chinese manners.
In most temples this three meter tall Buddha would be the main event. Not around here.
Probably best to make the offering here. One would need to light a tree on fire in front of the big guy.
A new angle on an old friend. He looks even bigger from up here. Unfortunately the crowd waiting to climb down the narrow cliff path also looks bigger. In fact, it's downright enormous and the path only fits single file.
Luckily there's ice cream to keep the kids distracted while waiting in line.
Been there, done that.
Things move painfully slowly. Unfortunately in China the idea of an orderly queue is as quaint as an independent Taiwan. If you're not prepared to elbow your way in, you're not going anywhere, notwithstanding the pacifist teachings of the big man.
Would someone scratch my left little toe on the way down, please.
That's why it's such slow going. A crowd of thousands has to be funneled down this precarious cliff path. Must be Buddha's way of illustrating the virtues of patience.
Last but not least, if you're planning on littering, make sure you leave out the squared term. As long as your chuck your empty Coke can in a nice civilized hyperbola, or get rid of that chip bag in a swift linear trajectory you're fine. But if you dare to pollute parabolically then shame on you.
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