China Part 6: Chengdu, Can Do

Chengdu, Can Do. That's the catchy slogan that greets visitors as soon as they step off the plane in the bustling metropolis of Chengdu. Actually, you see it before you even step on the plane: the advertising blitz actually starts in the JFK jet bridges. Clearly this is a city on a global mission.

 

 

The Wuhou Temple Complex is a good place to wind back the clock to a time before 14 million people called Chengdu home. The peaceful walled gardens pay tribute to some mighty heroes from the fabled war of the Three Kingdoms. Just to clarify, he's not one of them.

Dude, it's hard to stare down the mighty beast when you're carrying a purse. Try Sephora instead.

The ancient tomb of Liu Bei. Not to be confused with Li Bai, although he's also dead thanks to Jade Fox and her nasty poison arrows.

Just the kind of place those vile scum from Kingdom One and Kingdom Two are likely to launch an ambush.

Looks like the ambush was averted. Luckily when there's three in the war sometimes it's not your turn.



 

Master Liu Bei...




 

... and Madam Liu Mei.

Way to show respect around the holy incense holder chief.

When we said War of the Three Kingdoms we were referring to an epic saga that molded the history of a nation, a glorious tale of heroism and villainy that stretches from the arid steppes of Mongolia to the jagged peaks of the Himalayas. Not, ahem, whatever that move is.

It's not hard to see why the Jinli Ancient Street has survived in its prime downtown spot despite the insatiable demand for new condos: it crams in more good eats than a crate full of Michelin Guides.

When you run out of ducks to roast it's time to move on to pigeons.

China is no longer the budget travel destination it was a decade ago, but look hard enough and there's still a deal - or twenty - to be had.

Unlike the Louis Vuitton and Channel clad streets of the new China, a fistful of RMB still goes a long way here. That must be why they call it an ancient street.

A tree full of good luck knots. We don't need them now, since we already hit the jackpot with Jinli Street.

No wonder it's so hard to win the lotto, all the luck is being sucked up by this ludicrously excessive collection of good luck charms.

Now try balancing a tea pot on the middle finger.

Just in case one needs a respite from constant eating, there's a tranquil gold fish pond for taking a time out. Needless to say, other than for a quick photo opportunity Team J00ster has no need to avail themselves of its services.

Still only half way down the street, but already more than half way to maximum stomach capacity. This is going to require total focus.

About as useful as a brolly on a windy Wellington day.

Of all the delicacies in Jinli Street, and indeed the whole Sichuan province, one stands above all else: the simple bowl of Dan Dan noodles. On face value it doesn't look like much: just a throw away cardboard container with a dollop of noodles swimming in a pool of chili oil. But one bite is all it takes to realize these are not the instant noodles you pull from the back of the cupboard when the fridge is exhausted.

It takes a lot to top Gluttony Ancient Street, but believe it or not it's not Chengdu's number one attraction. That honor goes to creatures so impossibly cuddly that even Mei, who prefers her animals crispy with XO sauce, falls for them.

Doesn't look like the most comfortable pillow, but when you're as lazy as these chaps you pretty much sleep wherever you happen to be when it's time to hit the snooze button.

The original teddy bear comes in black and white only.

It must really suck to share a name with such a famous cousin. To keep seeing the kids' crestfallen faces when they realize "that's the panda mommy?" can't be good for the ego.

On the other hand, the Red Pandas do get to hang out in the palatial digs of their Giant brethren, with unlimited bamboo on tap. Could be worse.

Another somewhat precarious sleeping arrangement.

Seeing one of these lazy beasts on the move is actually quite rare. No wonder breeding them is so hard, they can barely be bothered getting up to eat, let alone to engage in a bit of hanky panky.

Master Po prepares to unleash the deadly Flute of the Dragon attack on the sworn enemies of the Middle Kingdom.

Unfortunately for the Middle Kingdom, and fortunately for those sworn enemies, the Flute of the Dragon turns out to be rather tasty.

The life of a Giant Panda is endearingly simple. Eat...

...and sleep. Repeat as necessary.

Just like Tim Tebow, you can never had too much Giant Panda.

For the last stop on the whirlwind One Day in Chengdu tour, it's time to head to the Kuanzhaixiangzi Alley. Think of it as basically the upmarket, hipster version of Jinli Street.

 

Instead of the ubiquitous food stalls of lesser eating streets, this one is lined with high end restaurants and boutiques ensconced in artfully reclaimed ancient buildings. It's like a Chinese Meat Packing District, without the Jersey crowd. Oh wait, we are the Jersey crowd.

Nothing says high end in China like ice cream that isn't laced with heavy metals.

Nice to see the nouveau rich in China are finally branching out beyond yet another me-too Louis Vuitton. Blame the hipster revolution that sees artisanal pour-over coffees served in colonial Shanghai-era tea houses cum bookstores.

A chance to step back in time to the old colonial world where crepes and jasmine tea went hand in hand.

 

Finally an animal Mei gets along with.

What ancient mysteries lurk in these shadowy alleys and heavy wood doors? Actually, these days it's most likely a pop-up chef's table cranking out deconstructed Peking Duck with a hoisin reduction.

This old official's house is an architecturally-stunning example of how the upper class citizens used to live. It's also a reminder that corruption here is nothing new. You really think this dude could afford it writing rickshaw parking tickets for 20 years?

The house has been converted into a hipster-approved art gallery resplendent with a collection of fine wood sculptures.

They do ship to New York if you'd like to spend a cool 200 grand on a solid log with an intricate scene carved in the middle. Don't be put off my the Made in China label, this isn't from the big Foxconn plant down the road.

You can also buy this rather ostentatious chair that doubles as a throne. A perfect addition to the living room before the next Game of Thrones marathon.

Too many cool restaurants, not enough stomach room.

This must be a commentary on the irony of appropriating local street food trends and repackaging them into a pseudo-authentic, sanitized versions for the unadventurous masses. Or maybe it's just street food.

As the sun sets the alley really comes alive with the in-crowd. And it would seem, some of the out-crowd slipped in too.

Want to sell to hipsters? Add "artisanal", "locavore", or best of all, "vintage" as an adjective in your pitch.

Do I detect more than one gear? What an embarrassment to hipster-dom.

The stage is set and the lights are on. In the alley, dinner comes with a show.

Just like most forms of high art, Chinese opera is an acquired taste. If you want to hear high pitched wailing, you've come to the right place.

On the other hand, the ancient art of face-changing is magic at it's best. With a deft flick of the wrist the performer switches from one mask to another so quickly the face literally changes instantly. Even in this age of YouTube and Wikipedia the secret behind the art of face changing is a mystery, closely guarded and handed down from generation to generation.

Alas a single day in Chengdu doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of one of China's most vibrant cities. One last walk down the quiet back alleys and then it's off to the bright lights of Taiwan.

A colonial tea house is the perfect place to wrap things up with a contemplative cup of tea as the faint buzz of the alley beyond floats through the fragrant tropical air.

Just because this is Chengdu, Can Do, doesn't mean you should do anything...