They grow grapes here. Grapes need sun. Therefore it must be sunny. Unfortunately Rock's meteorology is about as advanced as his viticulture. Still, these days the only thing that matters is that the clouds stay away for one crucial Instagram shot. You know, bikini-clad babe floating languidly in an impossibly turquoise pool nestled down among an artful tangle of century-old Tuscan vines. Maybe even throw an out-of-focus bottle of Sangiovese in the foreground and boom, you've got #FOMO biatches.
Well we've got the babe at least, only problem is he's clad in a waterlogged swim diaper that's starting to ooze the semi-digested contents of yesterday's linguini. On that note, maybe giving us the room with the grand piano instead of the Pack 'n Play was a poor decision.
If only everything was hoisted to child-proof heights.
The kid will win the 100 meters one day... If there's a mushroom pizza at the finishing line. Otherwise maybe stick with chess camp.
Now that is a breakfast spread worth getting up for. Continental breakfast has a bad name no more.
See those clouds? They don't look very pool-friendly. On the plus side a day washed out to rain will save you maybe two minutes of reading time. Which may not be a good thing given your alternative is pretty much switching between refreshes of espn.com and nzherald.co.nz.
Flotation device? Bah, mine has been expanding for five months.
Good news folks, the internet still works in the rain. Hark, what's this? It has been very easy to beat the S&P 500 in 2000-2018. Really? Why then, pray do tell, did I fly here commercial? And, if I may be so bold, why are you writing and posting on a free working paper repository where your only readers will be sad trolls who in fact did not beat the S&P 500. Come to think of it, sounds like there may be an overlap between SSRN and J00ster readership.
But wait, the clouds are clearing just in time to save Daddy from actually having to do some work.
Here's where the magic happens, the sun-kissed vineyards with sweeping views of the Mediterranean. Rock's turning red just standing here.
Looks like this plump Wuhanese varietal will be nicely ripened in another four months.
Luckily the pizza ovens are kept piping hot rain or shine. Make like an Italian kid and eat a whole pie yourself before your third birthday.
Dad, are you sure this isn't a Neapolitan mafia lair?
Ciao sun! Just in time for the drive to Milan the clouds part. Luckily a beach is never more than a short detour away. And no one and no blog arrives on time in Italy anyway.
Luckily in Italy it's perfectly acceptable to snooze all day. In fact, it's perfectly acceptable to eat gelato all day too. That's something those tight-fisted Eurocrats will never understand.
See that island over there son? Nope. Look harder kid, it's hard to see because it's under that depressing long white cloud. Oh I see it now Daddy, what shall we call it? Well, lest we get accused of false advertising let's call it Aotearoa.
When it Italy sit back, relax, and let that pizza gut spill forth proudly. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably some sad loser who works 70 hour weeks, spends every evening in Soul Cycle, and only eats gluten-free pasta. Ryan is right at home.
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