India Part 1: Curry in a Hurry

Any country that requires one to get so many shots that the doctor recommends you diversify the needles across both arms to lessen the pain has got to be cool, right? Some intrepid explorers spend a lifetime searching for the mysterious source of mighty rivers or the peak of lofty mountains; Team J00ster is geared up to spend ten days searching for the elusive source of butter chicken. The journey starts in the pulsating capital city of Delhi, a chaotic blend of traffic jams and temples that seems to precariously straddle that missing category between third world and first world.

The Red Fort. Just in case you can't see the color through the early morning haze that we will charitably call a morning mist rather than a lung choking miasma of sulfuric smog.

The imperious 17th century walls float mysteriously in the 21st century smog. Actually, according to Avtar, our driver, this is indeed just a morning mist. Sure it is, just like this is indeed a no commission restaurant.

The newest to Team J00ster is photographer extraordinaire Thu. Rest assured none of her work will be featuring on this sordid broadsheet. Better get a move on girl, those domestic tourists aren't far behind.

Who needs a sari when you've got headgear this good?

Short and Shorter.

The vast grounds of the Red Fort are more palatial than defensive, with numerous ornately crafted halls and audience chambers.

Which way to the garlic naan?

Short and Shorter II: The Midgets Strike Back. Now playing at theaters everywhere.

Only nine days and 18 hours to go for the Taj Mahal; in the meantime this will have to satisfy those marble cravings.

Just in case you thought the art of stewing succulent chunks of barbecued chicken in a creamy tomato sauce was India's greatest cultural contribution.

No wonder the British Army made the fort their headquarters, the pavilion makes a fine place to kick back with a Dilmah tea and a stack of telegrams with all the gossip from back home.

With a hat like that, please fire up Raiders theme before you read the rest of this post.

Think big. Just like Rock when he's ordering curries.

From the old to the new. The Lotus Temple, in addition to being a rip off of the Sydney Opera House, is apparently the world headquarters of the Bahai faith.

The sandstone tower at Qutb Minar is the tallest minaret in India, according to Wikipedia which has replaced Lonely Planet as Rock's go to source for filler factoids.

Dr. Jones I presume?

Under Thu's patient but ultimately futile tutelage, Rock tries his hand at something slightly more creative then the generic you-stand-there-in-front-of-that-monument snap. And fails miserable.

Speaking of generic...

My tower is taller than yours works in any language.

Sunset in Delhi can only mean one thing: it's nearly curry time.

Every surface of the complex is exquisitely illustrated with intricate carvings. If only they put the same effort into picking up the trash that piles up on the side of every road.

Mei does her best to get a payload of butter chicken into orbit.

Nothing like a few columns to disguise an elaborately constructed poison arrow trap. Or to filter out another army of local tourists.

Nice of these old civilizations to have the foresight to build an air traffic control tower conveniently in the flight path of Indira Gandhi International Airport. 

Mei proves that archaeology doesn't have to be all dusty coffins and the ancient remnants of dropped dinner plates; DNKY limited edition whip anyone?

Looks like the kind of place where an unfortunate explorer and a full moon could meet, with unpleasant consequences.

Forget the quest for the Holy Grail, here's an opportunity for a photo shoot.

Who's hungry? Other than the flies that is. Might have to hold out for a McTandoori instead.

It turns out India Gate is the name of this Arc de Triomphe rip off, not shorthand for the latest government bribery scandal.

Short and Shorter III: The Return of the Platform Shoe.

Sweet lassis. Oh and the drinks where pretty good too.

As dusk sets over the market you have the opportunity to be ripped off by moonlight, which is much more exotic.

No flies here folks. Monsoon Restaurant in the posh Le Meridien hotel is the perfect place for Lonely Planet hugging cowards to take their first tentative steps in real Indian cuisine.

The atrium of the Le Meridien. Where's Obi-Wan when you need someone to clamor out onto a precarious ledge to distract the post Mumbai massacre guards so you can get the perfect photo?

Don't believe everything they say about Indian toilets. This one doesn't look too bad at all. Poor fools, if only they knew what the future holds...

Enjoy the lap of luxury while you can ladies. They don't know it yet, but the idea of turning a knob to procure hot water is going to become very novel very soon.