Of course, the fact you're up at this hour in the first place means jet lag is still lurking in those interminable hours between midnight and dawn.
Sun's up folks, time to hit the city. Today's agenda involves curry, a lake cruise, curry, a City Palace tour, curry, and perhaps a midnight snack of curry to polish things off.
The funny thing about those sacred cows that everyone professes to love so much: they never seem to show up in the rich folks' compounds. It's almost like they're easier to deify when you're not up to your ankle in a juicy cow patty.
The Ladies of the Lake. Nothing like a bit of alliteration to get the heart fluttering.
A life vest is all well and good, but the reality is a hazmat suit would be a better option before taking a dip in these waters. The lake looks pretty, but that's because e. coli is a bit hard to spot, even with 10 megapixels behind the lens.
Was that sari cleaner before or after it went in? Looks suspiciously like Rock's dishwashing technique.
We could have saved ourselves the early alarm and just jumped out our window into the boat.
Hey it's last night's dinner spot. Is anyone else a bit peckish? I wonder if they have a boat drive thru around the corner?
Land ho! A herd of marble elephants is waiting to welcome the mariners to this exclusive island hotel/restaurant. After dodging stray creatures - and more importantly their byproducts - on every street, a marbleized herd is looking quite appealing.
Better Mosques and Gardens is back with this exclusive photoshoot of Bollywood beauties luxuriating in the luscious surrounds of an island hideaway.
I'm seeing a lot of luscious surrounds and not a lot of Bollywood beauties. Was anyone else really looking forward to a titillating ankle flash?
That's more like it. Now all we need is catchy, all-cast song and dance number. It seems gyrating in a bikini is ok, as long as there's... uhm... a bouncy musical accompaniment.
Bring back the babes! Bring back the babes!
Now we're talking. Then again, anyone can look good pre-cow patty.
Want to see one of those infamous Indian weddings but don't have a third cousin with an invite, or failing that a herd of scrawny cows you're looking to offload? Never fear, just gatecrash.
Hey if they didn't want hangers on they wouldn't commandeer a whole street for their elaborate procession to the bride's house, complete with horse-mounted groom and a Wedding Wagon (tm) creaking under a tower of surround sound speakers, the better for booming out the latest Bollywood numbers.
The rituals also seem to involve the carrying of brightly colored pots on the heads of the female guests. Like most things in India, the guys seem to have got the better end of the deal. Riding an enormous boom box down the road whilst blasting out the latest hits at decibel levels last recorded at a U2 concert, or carrying the family heirlooms in a pot on your head. Yep, it's good to be a guy.
I'm sure the dress code was Red Sari.
Sure intricately embroidered saris are nice and all, but sometimes a bit of skin doesn't hurt.
Young padawan, much laziness I see in you, yes.
The interior of the City Palace is everything the hot, thirsty masses dream about as they look up longingly at those insurmountable walls whilst eking out a meager existence in the shadow of unobtainable wealth.
No wonder the powers that be don't seem all that flustered by piles of festering trash on every street corner; from up here the town below looks sparkling clean.
Rock shows worrying signs of the third most common disease after malaria and typhoid: the dreaded Touristitis. Common symptoms include deep sighs at the prospect of trudging around yet another temple/fort/palace, glazed eyes when confronted with another epic vista, and lack of appetite when facing a another bowl of curry.
Regrettably, the only known cure for the debilitating disease is a Big Mac Combo. We're a long way from a golden arches that serves anything other than McLentils.
The Indian culture defies easy categorization. On one hand, artisans of incredible skill are willing to devote their whole lives to crafting exquisite works of art; but the effort of actually putting one's trash into a bin is too much to ask.
Mei's dream is to come back as an Indian princess...
...unfortunately the big dude is thinking more along the lines of a millipede.
How about we compromise and settle on a peacock?
Sure it's a nice courtyard, but does it have wifi?
Leave the kid jumping into a pile of poo scene for bleeding heart Hollywood liberals, here is Bollywood we know what people really want is a dance number!
Apparently India is one of only a handful of countries where Pepsi outsells Coke (Pakistan being another; probably the only thing the two warring states actually agree on). But after Team J00ster's visit, one suspects Wikipedia needs to update their facts.
In a country with as many eating options as India, there's no good reason to go to the same place twice. Actually there is. The cake and ice cream selection at Edelweiss - a quaint German cafe squeezed between endless purveyors of curry - is a powerful magnet for those hankering for less spicy fare. Or those thumbing through Lonely Planet.
If its prime lakefront real estate isn't enough to sell you on the Lake Pichola Hotel, you should check out the rooftop restaurant.
Save the stunning views back over the lake to the City Palace for later, the curries are coming!
The rooftop cabanas are the perfect place to unwind with a few hands of Scum. Unfortunately, the distracting view was the root cause of Rock's epic losing streak. Yes, really.
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