In India, anything with a motor and four wheels is a treasured commodity. This fellow is still waiting for the return of the glory days of the British Empire. I tell you old sport, back in my day Ta-ta was the sound of our drums as our boys marched forth to add another colony to His Majesty's realm.
The Hawa Mahal, or Palace of the Winds, pretty much sums up why they call this the Pink City.
Let's see if we can keep the hustlers away long enough to get a photo in. Madam, have a lookee, best prices I make. Madam, we have many sizes, have a look, yes? Sure they're the best prices... if you're the merchant.
Now here's a shop that's guaranteed to offer a good deal. With Rock's bargaining skills, the customer will always come out ahead. That's a promise.
The main reason to come to Jaipur, other than to visit the aforementioned establishment, is the mighty Amber Fort that towers over the city's outskirts.
The best way up the mountain is on the back of a mighty but surprisingly docile pachyderm.
Thu's elephant must be thinking he hit the jackpot. After a hot morning's work lugging load after load of tourists who look like they just waddled out of their local IHOP's All-You-Can-Eat-Tuesday, he scores the lightest cargo of the day. And that's including 5kg of camera gear.
Come on guys, when they gave you your Elephant License they must have taught you that downhill pachyderms have right of way at one-way arches?
You don't realize how high these beasts stand until you get on one. For Thu, it might as well be the top of the Empire State Building.
No danger of losing the hat up here. Apparently elephants can run up to 25 kmh, but today they seem quite content to plod along in an orderly line. For once, even Mei isn't complaining about the lack of progress.
Luckily the fort's architect designed the place with the big guys in mind.
But don't worry, little guys are also welcome.
The first thing that strikes one about the Amber Fort is its monumental scale. The entry courtyard it so big it could easily accommodate an entire army and their elephants. Which on reflection is the whole idea. Of course, whether it is big enough to fit the innumerable touts flogging their "lookee, real gold" elephant statues is another question.
Like the other forts in India, this one wasn't purely for raining deathly armaments down on the hapless enemies below. Between battles there was plenty of time to enjoy the finer things in life. Let's face it, the best way to get the chicks is to have a ginormous fortified palace on a prime piece of mountain-top real estate. Nice to see that with all of civilization's supposed advances, some things never change.
They don't sell walls like this at Ikea.
In Rajasthan at this time of year, water is about as rare as someone who offers you a service without expecting a bit of palm greasing.
StarCam (tm).
According to our rival tabloid, TwoPhatKiwis, this room was designed so that a women could maintain her modesty while still being able to see out. Kind of like an early version of a tinted Hummer.
In the battle of the Bond girls, one always ends up dead, and the other ends up in bed. Unfortunately, when you're chasing a family-friendly PG rating, a threesome never seems to be an option.
Speaking of Bond girls. Just watch out for the miniature rocket launcher she keeps in her purse.
Spacious digs. You could fit a whole Manhattan block in here wit room to spare.
Perfect size for a crossbow.
The serpentine walls that radiate out to the surrounding hills offer yet another line of defense. Seems a bit overkill really, the fort itself would be hard enough to take as it is. But when you've already got infinite gold, precious stones, chicks, and elephants, there's really not much else to spend all that loot you plundered on.
That wall looks suspiciously like the backdrop for a firing squad. Perhaps it's time to stand somewhere else.
There's so many rooms in this fort it's not clear what they were all for. After all, back when this thing was built you probably didn't need a TV room.
Out your best archer up here, and you never need to worry about your enemy getting within spitting distance of your front door.
It's also a good spot to entertain your lady visitors. There's nothing quite as romantic as watching your vast army subjugate another rival city-state from the comfort of your back porch.
Sure beats the few wilting herbs on a windowsill that make up most Manhattan gardens. Then again, it's a lot easier to keep the weeds out when you have a whole dungeon full of slaves to do the dirty work.
Finally a person-sized door. Uhm, when we say person, we of course refer to a normal sized person. Mei still can't reach the top.
Amber Fort would be a fitting finale... if the next and final stop wasn't the mythical Taj Mahal.
This is some sort of lake palace. By this point it's pretty much a case of drive-by sightseeing as Team J00ster wearily checks another box on the endless list of must-sees.
In Jaipur you have a car lane, a bus lane, and an elephant lane. Not that anyone actually bothers to follow the road markings.
Sure haggling for 10 minutes over 10 cents is not the act of a rational economic agent, but there's principal at stake dammit.
Jaipur feels like one big market. No wonder the prospect of Walmart coming in is such a hot potato issue. How dare those foreigners launch a second colonization under the ludicrous assumption that people might actually want to shop without the incessant battle with touts, fakery, and deception that make the markets such an enjoyable experience.
After the incredible City Palace in Udaipur, Jaipur's version that bears the same name is a bit of a letdown. Of course, after a week on the road the bar has been set pretty high; if one doesn't get there on the back of a lumbering elephant or if it doesn't overlook a stunning Venetian water-palace, it's barely worth seeing right?
Butter chicken or lamb korma tonight? Oh come on, enough of the pretense, you're not fooling anything. Just get the butter chicken already.
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